West Dale Palms boulevard Clover avenue I go to the grocery store And I run right into you Ask me how things are back home Do your days ever feel terribly long I say, I have to go Think I know the place where I belong
Hollywood, Los Angeles at dusk Her perfume smelled like camellias that bloom in November They look just like roses, so naturally I’m obsessed Swing the door open to a settled fire, Capture in my hands: tiny, soft embers Collapsing into moonlight, but Cradled like dust I’ll be strong for both of us If I must
Love poem: Grocery store [continued]
You have to feed your nostalgia sometimes It’s really the only way that you’ll survive It’s how you keep the dreams alive It’s the only way they’ll see you on the other side
West Dale Palms boulevard Clover avenue When I go to the grocery store I always look for you
Nuclear envelopes A testable hypothesis Will you still love me if I – Will you drown me out Like the noise in a soundproof room He always said he’d like to go to solitary confinement just to get away For a honeymoon
Light leaks Asparagine and leucine Convoluted sighs and my pink floor-length satin dress Eating three times on Mondays, Eating four times, the day after Consuming enough carbohydrates to be like a plant A prisoner in your gardener A wide-awake blooming orchid Couch that fell from a truck bed onto the motorway We could just make it ours Watch the fires and fireflies swarm in the distance Devouring apricots A routine for my bedtime
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
Letting go of lethargic tendencies But I don’t have the energy I’m miserable, with or without you Have to be the writer of my own memoir, the heroine in my own maladaptive daydreams That serve me quite well Like soft serve by the beach Made from plant-based oat milk & Oreos I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
Empty head Empty thoughts Your Percocet My writer’s block I’ve been too, afraid, to put this down on paper A typewriter with no keys Hands that swell Knees that bleed I know perfectly well That I’m who you need Will you be there for me, in the daylight and the evenings? My handsome prince Tread carefully I’m exactly who I aspire to be
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I believe in myself, most of all Though, the cognitive dissonance gets swept like ashes At a fireplace Melting, blurring a reality that you swore was three-dimensional You vase of a porcelain starlit galaxy You atmospheric void, claustrophobic from your own apprehension I’m so in love with every part of you Especially the pieces you really disdain
I’ll take them in my hands Like the softest of sand
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I don’t know what to do with all these birthday balloons The vinyl you bought me, thank you, by the way You precious thing. And the things I have to move on from Tangled in grief-ridden spiderwebs Merging through lanes with my blinker forever on I follow all the laws When the crows are watching, carefully
I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
Live in modest obscurity Classic California beach living Sunglasses, shades, Maseratis, fast cars, soda pop A life that has been glamorized Or so I had hypothesized He wouldn’t even be reading in between my lines Too busy thinking about himself all the time
Perhaps a few motels overlooking the coast Empty parking lots Paint a vision for yourself Soft ice cream in all good health Said you were sober, had liquor on the top shelf Honey, I thought you loved yourself
Ladies, you know me for my diamonds I’ll show you everything sparkly that’s designer That girl you once knew, you’re right behind her To enjoy the high life without mascara on To come to rise with the evening sun To know how to really know someone Stay omnipresent – hot, wild, and young Like every morning, a new life has just begun Dark spaces for dark traces of ice-cold skeletons Bones only fit like fragments Do what you’re told Let your dream love life in front of you start to unfold
Everything in the right order Everything in the right order Everything all the same Everything all the same
Lying between last quarter and new moon I figured when we’d talk, we would be with each other soon There are words on my body, on yours – video game cartoons You never meant to express how little I meant to you
I started noticing in conversation When the focus was on us, you lacked elation I quit my work for you, I gave up waiting I became so exhausted not living, but waiting I tried to show you I was patient You hate yourself like you’re tainted Letting of go of the dream that one day you and I would make it
Now I’m in the doorway, sort of half-naked I’m alone, but I’m tranquil, and nothing you do will change it
I’m alone but I’m tranquil Nothing you do will change it
Essence of a modern girl I promise if I fall in love with you, I’ll give you the whole world Stars and spaceships are what I’m made of My high ballet bun is your favourite I sit on the hoods of F-150s and smoke your last pack of menthols You miss hearing me speak? Pick up the phone, and then call I’m softer this time, I’m breaking out of these cell walls I climb the stairs to the roof, close my eyes, and then fall
I taste like strawberries You like me already I’m getting afraid of when I have to tell you the ending It’s painful on purpose It’s an accident you found me I think there’s a way we can do this real sweetly And I see your wisdom and kindness in every strong tree You have my warmest regards, you’re now protected by me Benevolence is my new form of safety Gentle reminders that I can live carefree
Real love is heavenly Real love is meant to be Real love is white roses and a cup of Earl Grey tea And I had the growing feeling that it just wasn’t meant for me I sing real softly I can’t stop coughing I want for you and me to do all these things with honesty The honeymoon period, the vividness of novelty I live a sincere life of literature and botany But I have these things, they’ve really been haunting me I hate to digress I do it unconsciously
I don’t want to lie to myself It hurts my self-esteem, it affects my health I’ve got this adorable greeting card on my bookshelf I’m saving it for a month’s anniversary with my future boy I want to celebrate every minute Scatter patience and joy Erase the mold the last two years has made on my delicate bones Unwavering I’m caving in And I don’t even expect to be loved in return
Trace your skeleton at night Kiss you twice, hold you tight If you have me by your side, you will always be alright Best girlfriend of the year I eat lunch alone, right here Maybe you could sit down with me and tell me all your biggest fears
I feel love inside me I spread it everywhere When’s the last time you looked at someone and really felt that they cared?
I’ll sit right beside you I promise I’ll be right there If you can’t see your grandeur, I’ll make you aware
For such a small person, I have so much to share I’ll sit right beside you I’ll be right there
I watch you when you’re bad I take careful notes I set them on fire and summon gentle ghosts They won’t scare you or hurt you the most Nothing like true love taken away, not even close
I’m sixteen in a few days, I’m trapped in this body I want you to mimic a system like monoclonal antibodies Feed the hunger Burn the rage Set flames to whom I accused you of being Prove me wrong Come as a surprise I’m finding I don’t make the impression that I imply Sunsets after jazz concerts on the lawn I try to find stingrays in the ocean when I swim I think if this life is a fight, then I’ll most likely win But they’re doing a good job of telling God that I sinned
Like fever dreams Like soft doeskin That came from a being you shouldn’t have touched I wonder at what point will it all be enough Blew smoke in his face, he tried calling my bluff I wake up strong, but I wouldn’t say I’m tough My wrists are so small the cops use child handcuffs I wish I was making all this stuff up
To live a romantic life is to surrender to passion With the weather today, I would say it’s not in fashion Love for me will never be everlasting
I want it to be I desperately hope But we always lose the ones we love the most They hit your bare knees, the cascading blue waves Make you stay up pacing around for days I don’t have the time, and I’ve lost my own place I was so far ahead I was almost there I thought I was close I was almost there I choked on my insides I was almost there I saw my femoral artery Blood soaked my white underwear
Like fever dreams Like soft doeskin That you’ll always regret purchasing because your ex-girlfriend was a vegan and the way she wears pink ribbons in her ash blonde hair makes you go wild You act like a child And I wouldn’t even say your advantage was mild Knock on my door Stay a while I’ll only be happy watching you char in the fire
I know the feeling I know the daze I know the brilliant, beautiful Autumn haze I know Fridays spent alone and solitary Sundays I’ll only respect you if you participate in the chase And God, I love it when you try to plead your case You lost the bet The cops know you You think you get me, but I don’t believe that’s true You’re only with her because there’s nothing else to do
Playing with marbles on the carpet, so they don’t roll too far away I don’t have the time I’ve lost my own place But I clean up nice and live my life with grace
You’re lucky I won’t let you see me face-to-face You won’t forget my brutality for several days It’s my milk white gentleness that you can’t replace I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays As vital to the body as acetylcholinesterase
It’s my resilient nature that will get me through this phase I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase
