Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater)

Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater)

Even the smallest meteorites can make a dent
A shower in the afternoon, music absolutely must play
I can’t give my mind too much space
Tried to hate you, but the action is impossible for me
A sensitive, contemplative queen
Take inspiration from the female main character on my television screen

Dying to spend time outdoors
Perfect place to talk with you
Where nobody can yell
Keep up appearances, keep moving forward
Naturally, I’d be stopping to take photographs of plants
Though I am truly interested to hear how you draft
Your words so carefully and yet,
They still hurt
My own oblivion—how unusual; it’s a first
Why people search for someone to take accountability
Finally makes perfect sense to me
It would mean everything
Though I have no expectations
Now that’s truly uncharacteristic of me

Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater) [continued]

Hold myself close
Hold myself close
Favourite Radiohead song for when I’m depleted
Not what I wanted, perhaps what I needed
To relate to how people in certain circumstances feel
I don’t like it
But I’m committed
To better understand the world
I want fresh florals and my favourite perfume
The sunshine is out there for those that feel consumed
By hospital bills and mental notes
It’s precious, our time, so I’d like to enjoy it
But we’ll never move on if we don’t address it
Neither the one affected nor the one who bears it

It’s shared, can’t you see?
I believe in harmony
Have learned I can never convince somebody to promise me
It’s better like that
The effort sure does count
I’m seeing blue
I think of you

Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater) [continued]

I’m in a gown, I’m ready
The water can take me
Reshape me
She only writes this much when her heart is breaking
Turning hobbies into routines
Cut-outs from magazines I’m framing
Made me feel ill, vomit on a television screen
The way you talk to me
It feels so mean
Your absolute favourite colour is also one of mine
Sage green

Don’t be dramatic
It’s just television static
None of it truly qualifies as far-fetched or theatric
You said there’d be plenty of room
For me
In the dusty attic
I looked for my favourite pen and a piece of A4-lined paper
My words had a breathtaking honesty that made me proud of myself
Celestial equator, vintage coffee maker
Elegant movie-maker
Pretty little lunar crater

One letter sent
One letter kept
If things change, it could be a new beginning
If they don’t, I’ll begin anyway
The sunshine is out there
For those that feel like running away
But once the meteorite hits,
A lunar crater forms
Prettiest thing I think I have ever seen
True harmony

I write essays on Substack now! Lilac Dove 🙂
Help me afford medical school applications (can be anonymous)!
Paypal: Support a poet’s dream of becoming a physician!

Love poem: Charcoal-stained t-shirts on porcelain skin

Love poem: Charcoal-stained t-shirts on porcelain skin

To a home I don’t want to come back to
I have been feeling this stifling feeling of wanting to get away, to get away
But I don’t run away from my responsibilities
Something to be proud of
Dad, did you see that, all of these times, from wherever you have been relocated to
If there is a Lord, they are a God—genderless, liquid, solid, vaporous substance
Never parasitic
Always appreciative
Who you are, where you came from
They don’t see that in you
The people in your surroundings, the ones that make such
Wild accusations, to my peril it used to be
Until I found a form of insanity
That blanketed me in a comfort I truly feel is finally real

I must sound crazy to you
All of this I’m so aware of that I think it’s started to crack my skin apart
In tiny little precious spiderwebs
I collect
In a drawer beneath my queen-size bed
I collect all of my tiny, little, precious memories

Love poem: Charcoal-stained t-shirts on porcelain skin (continued)

Have come to realize that being blanketed in softness
Makes life feel finer than operating in a self-isolated cave
But I feel deprived of a human spirit
Perhaps it’s too much for me to think about, yet I still do
It’s not overthinking if I’m hit with the infinite branches of how deeply in love I am with you

Never want what I can’t have
I make my palette worthwhile if I’m going to move at all
It has to be at a target
As of late, it’s been moving at a frightening speed
Take my physics equations and calculate
How I could throw the baseball in such a way that it would land in my teammate’s glove
Belief in others
A steadfast, full-depth, incisive belief in others
Some of which I’ve had to let go personally
But never universally
Everybody deserves to feel half of the things I feel when I’m next to you

Love poem: Charcoal-stained t-shirts on porcelain skin (continued)

Typing this on a plane—carefully arranged composure
Your black Vans
How you don’t crash out when faced with shoelaces
They always end up bound in knots when I go to untie them
Can’t really figure out what’s wrong with me
You fixed it immediately
Fortunately for me, nobody can fix another human being
Finally evaded the line of thinking that the opposite could come true for me

If I am shattered glass, I just want somebody who comes
Prepared
Unafraid
Careful but not conscious
My eyes have started producing tears as of late—the dryness has resolved
I think about how I feel and immediately regain my composure
Charcoal-stained t-shirts from the clearance section
You said they looked good in relation to my skin
If I didn’t know it yet, my goodness, I’d have figured it out right then

Love poem: Charcoal-stained t-shirts on porcelain skin (continued)

Prepared
Unafraid
I know I can handle this
Haven’t felt it in so long
It’s been years since
I have felt
Like crying from joy when seeing a human being that is in my life
Not a musician,
Not a family member that will forever mean the world to me
Just a boy
Wearing black Vans
Shoelaces that perfectly untie
I wish I could watch our entire story on rewind

I won’t get lost this time
Priorities won’t shift
I’ll dance in my bedroom and my lifted pickup truck while I drive
Hug my children (the dogs)
Take care of things I’ve never dealt with for my mother
I’ll be alright
I won’t get lost in time
Wish I could watch our story on rewind
Go back to the very first night
I’d say, hi
Everything would turn out the same in the end
Me, on this plane
Wiping tears away, and you know it’s because I’m writing
Have no clue
Think I’m processing my stress
I’m not stressed about you
I’m miserable to be so happily in love with someone who

I could have been better to.

If this piece meant something to you, you can support my writing here ☕︎


I’ve recently started a Substack! Find personal essays & bulleted lists here: https://substack.com/@lilacdove?utm_campaign=profile&utm_medium=profile-page

I am raising money to apply to medical school. If you’ve ever enjoyed my writing, you can donate anonymously (or let me know who you are!) here: http://buymeacoffee.com/lilacdove

Subscribe below to receive emails every Wednesday (and only Wednesdays!):

Poem: 77 in

Poem: 77 in
cinematic, eerie tenderness

There, concrete bridge
Throwing up like a landmine
Shocked to the brim
Might let you in

You—there for “support”
Always following me
Wherever I turn up
Scared for me
Budget B-movies
Film star queen
The things in-between
Get me out of this serene dream

Poem: 77 in [continued]

Them, rotten toys
Making all of this devouring noise
Unedited, spherical bends of water
Shriveling cold beats
Turn up the heat
To do away with, that’s a fact
Or a vision—to destroy
Our friends we’ll employ
If we have any left by then

You, not forgotten in the least
Leather jacket, cold-hearted beast
Pockets so deep I put my hand inside
And I leave it inside
It’s comfort I find
Ask how many inches tall you are
No matter the answer, it’s still up far
But with my hand in your pocket, I smile
That little girl smile, you know
It’s comfort I find, you know

Maybe one day it’ll start to show

Read some cool bulleted lists and personal essays here: https://lilacdove.substack.com/


Love poem: Miss Dior (your perfume)

Arachnids are crawling all over me.
They’re starting to really itch my knees
But, honey, the way you throw your head back
When you laugh
At the way I dance
To these songs that I’m showing you right now, in this light,
You are sunshine,
Pure sunshine.

I’ll learn how to pick a lock just for you
If that’s seriously what you want me to do
I’ll find an online manual,
I don’t even care where
I’m afraid of the things I would do for you
But I keep it very composed, calm and close
And the way you look with your mauve lip gloss
Sunshine
Bright lights
Yellow dahlias
So mine

You look way too beautiful to be sleeping in a bed
That’s
Lying flat on the floor
I mean,
I’m pretty sure
I hate when I find songs that make me perfectly think of you,
I end up playing them into the night.

I don’t even know what this fragrance is
But, oh my, am I all over you
There is rosewater flowing out of the tap
And a white pickup truck in my driveway
Oh my, what am I to do?
Oh my, what am I to do with you?
So fragrant, so lush
Like fruit
How soon can I marry you?

I had a surprisingly good dream for once.
Seems like the night terrors are temporarily at bay
All it was was that I was having a conversation with someone who was looking straight at me and
Laughing
In the loveliest of ways.
He just wanted to hear what I had to say next
Somehow I felt so comfortable sitting there in my seat
I kept making jokes
I kept stumbling over my words
What’s new there?
But I was so happy, for once, I think
And I woke up, and I told my mother that I had had such a splendid dream
But it was only a simple conversation.
The kind that the normal people have seen.

I have
On repeat
Every day,
Like a habit
Muted faces
Mutilation
Picket fences
Fresh paint
Every day
Like a perfect habit
Dirty pickup truck
That I wash every Saturday
And I see the plane flying
And I don’t wanna be on it
Because I’m comfortable being right here
Because of your perfume

Intoxicating
Trembling
Can’t quite describe
The ending
All that I
Remember
Is the smell of
Your
Perfume

If you enjoy my poetry, please donate to keep the dream alive! Owning & maintaining a website is costly, and it would be so greatly appreciated. The link is as follows:

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/lilacdoveCA

Poem: Nothing left

Poem: Nothing left

I filed a
Lawsuit
Against the doves in my hallway

Told them they were too
Loving
And now I understand why there’s nothing left

For the holiday season, please consider donating to my website to keep the dream alive! https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/lilacdoveCA