Poem: Baby blue bone marrow
Watching a girl in a long, flowing, blue dress pull her partner up
I am painfully aware about my lack of community
Keep thinking things, like, oh, it’ll happen next year and, oh, I’m so busy anyway
So much to take care of within the home
She’s sick now, she’s so sick now
Have to toughen up, get better at not crying in public
I’m really losing it, you guys
I say to no one at all
The sun makes its way through the trees and dapples right onto me
Finds me intrinsically
Melancholy heartbeat
I hate your white blood cell count and I hate the lack of snow in this town
Find me on a day where I’m not going crazy
Perhaps we can make a deal so that Jesus can save me
What you want, you get, pretty much none of the time
What I want, is far-fetched, and I’m not delusional this time
Cell count like frostbite
I hated how the physician thought he had to
Explain anything to me
Then paternal, now maternal
Panic attacks in closets turned into panic attacks in the restroom, at my shifts
You made a headband out of a shirt and the creativity that showed made me immediately
Begin to cry
You already took one, you can’t take another
He already took one, He can’t take my other
Poem: Baby blue bone marrow (continued)
A person saw me wiping my eyes while writing this at the park
Watching my dog, so full of life, so naturally exhibiting pure freedom
We bought so many little sleep shorts at Brandy Melville
It’s so funny—we will never run out now!
In bed all day every day, get well cards, from no one
We keep things so, so, so quiet within our house
Nobody will know
Our little secret
When I’m crying in the car
They’ll think it’s about my romantic relationship
Keep things just between you and me
Like, all of the time, forever
Like a leech, it’ll get us, don’t you know that well enough?
Like paternal, now maternal
The panic attacks have come back
You already took one, he can’t take another
He already took one, He can’t take my other
What am I to do with all of these tiny sleep shorts
When they’re worn and I’m bruised and the sweetest colours of baby blue
Surround you
What am I to do
Without you
I have nowhere I want to be
If you can’t see me
Poem: Baby blue bone marrow (continued)
Thank God Heaven exists, we tell ourselves
Get ourselves ready for those gold double doors
Thank God Heaven exists, because we’ve always been heaven sent
Thank God for those gold double doors
Without question, I’ll give you what’s beneath my flesh, of course
But it’s not an option
Baby blue
Surrounds
You
I hope
To spend enough time
Because not you, too
You already took one, you can’t take another
He already took one, He can’t take my other
Surrounded
By
Baby blue
Surround sound
We sleep in the filth
Cell count like the worst frostbite
This is the start of me
Never again being able to sleep right
When I wake up
Will I be
The only one
To observe all the baby blue that surrounds you
Little sleep shorts
