Poem: Lilac amphetamines (drug kings)

Poem: Lilac amphetamines (drug kings)

You and me in a state of departure / You and me in a state of departure / You and me in a state of departure / Y o u a n d m e i n a s t a t e o f d e p a r t u r e

I looked past the rainfall at the marble, right back at me, it gleamed
Our last fight in the kitchen, you so quickly got so mean!
You put your head in your hands
I trusted you to a fault
How come I never learn, that like fire you burn
And whatever respect is, I must be unaware of how it’s earned
Your speeches don’t follow rational thought
And I tell you each time, but you must have forgot
I love you a lot
I fucking love you a lot

The outdoors are crisp, you have chapstick on your lips
You’re doing me a favor, your hand ’round my hip
Baby, I can barely feel it
Come closer to me
I’m looking straight at you, but it’s always a different man that I see
I try so hard to look pretty
For you, always you
Never another
But you’re so paranoid, why do I even bother!
This scorching August heat, it’s getting hotter and hotter
And you’re throwing a fit – you look like a toddler
You said there’s a girl – you said that you’ll call her
I wonder what lies you tell to our holy father
You can pick up the tab
I’ll ride home in a cab
Call me when date night to you isn’t a drag
(Smoke like a chimney to that)

And you’re throwing a fit– you look like a toddler

At night, you space out; your glare is of steel
You don’t share the misty-eyed tenderness I feel
You’re a tiger, I’m a fly
Broken wing or two
I lay softly beside you
Afraid to touch you because I’m awfully shy
For my form I’m quite polished- I come in blue, white, and black
Switch the topic to us and that’s when you pull back
We’re selling amphetamines, I dye them lilac

Anything to get the kids off fentanyl
But they’ll still have heart attacks until
I tell the room I have the training, I know what to do
But then all of a sudden they rely upon you
Don’t sign up to dine on what you can’t chew
Strangers remain strangers, the days change like a ticking clock
Put the body in the bag, fuck I almost forgot
We didn’t make too much money, but it was worth a shot

I lay softly beside you
I’m so, so afraid
And when I ask you to stick to me
Your mind’s already been made

I’m too small for you to love
Broken wing or two
Before you fall right asleep
Realize I fucking love you

Only you
I fucking love you

Poem: Too trusting

Poem: Too trusting

I stay wondering
If my father was watching over me, how could he steer me into your direction
It must be a fault of his
Perhaps some way of showing me I’m smarter than this
Crawling back to your pink lips
The detriment of this miss

I keep thinking to myself
Why would, knowing the things that I know, I go back to you
Sleepless nights, catering to my deepest thoughts that are blue
Swimming in technicolor sound waves, I reimburse
The fact that you and I are too much alike in the ways we run towards the hills
On the yard looking through bills
I can’t pay these days

Your teenage bedroom that in your 30s you find yourself back in
I’m in the desert, no cell reception
Came here to calm my mind but the heat has me in a frenzy
I stay wondering
If my father was watching over me
Would he be mad the way I play this game
Is he up there, practically screaming my name
Telling me to not go this way again

The sea meets my cold feet at the shore
I’m almost certain that at this point I shouldn’t be in love anymore
I hear screaming in the background but it’s coming from my mind
I hear screaming in the background and it’s something scary, I find
I take the coarse sand, make a castle, and I start wondering how
It’s been almost three years and we’re not engaged somehow
The detriment, I’ve found

When I get to the city I check my phone, 6 missed calls from you
No voicemails
You get to this place where you lose your mind and don’t know what to do
How come you don’t believe I’ll swallow you
I’m trained for it
Been a bad girl my whole life
I hear your carefully colluded sighs
They make my brain melt, like four hundred degrees
Blonde hair blowing in the breeze
Almost melting underneath

If my father was watching over me
All of the hell you brought to me, he would tell me
If my father was watching over me
I conclude he must not be
Running in your direction was all me

You swallow me
Because I’m too trusting
You swallow me
Because I’m too trusting


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Poem: How to free oneself

Poem: How to free oneself

You are
My worst nightmare
A walking case of amphetamines
Blocking numbers on my cell phone
Like milk and honey
Break my covenant
No data, out of range
Small grimace, you’re in pain
Find me standing by myself in the rain

drip, rain, drops

Grapefruit at the beach
Watching the waves, the people
Laughing admirably at their loved ones
I suck the sour nature out of this fruit
I climb on top of the stairs
Let my beautiful long blonde hair blow in the wind
My hair down like you like it
I’m a bat so I work the night shift
Ask about my love life, I’ll say how about it
Stolen glances while we speak
Walking case of amphetamines

girl, blonde, portrait

I always think about running in front of the cars
My favorite brand of trunks to do me over
Will I appear on the news?
Will you be haunted by my torn flesh?
An abscess on your leg, give you a cold compress
Put on lip gloss and my tight black dress
You know I’ve always been a mess
But this is nothing like before
I want revenge, and then I want more
You went from handsome to a brutal eyesore
And you’re a bore

moon, star, space

A walking case of amphetamines
I say, damn, you look good in those black jeans
Almost felt your lips when in the doorway I stood in-between
I find sailing serene
You know I won’t go out with a man who fishes
The music gets heavy, my finger twitches
Back spasms
Micro cosmos
Planets attacking other planets
You slip inside a snow globe
I slip into my lush pink bathrobe
Watch the roses outside, they’re white and they grow
Laying on the couch with you is so mellow

sea, waves, groynes

But I have to resist
I already said no
I’m a weak woman and that I know
I’m not proud of myself
Monsters on my bookshelf
Lied to you when I said you’re the best

Walking case of amphetamines
But baby all you really are is a downer
Went swimming with your new girlfriend, I drowned her
Real women don’t apologize

Walking case of amphetamines
I smiled real wide when I drowned her

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Poem: Burnt ash & perfume

Poem: Burnt ash & perfume

You told me that you wanted to read the poems that I end up not posting to my website
You said those are probably the best ones
I just thought you didn’t like my writing
Move my hair behind my right side
This is it
That’s all I have
There’s really no more of me
I sing too
When I’m blue
You swallow me

mailbox, letter boxes, post mail box

I bought the prettiest pink shower curtain
With ruffles on the bottom
Only a few days before my cat shred it to death
Which I thought was rather tasteful
Now it looks like someone got in a bad fight
I’m in for a fright
You call me, you ask to spend the night
Yeah right

I’m in here
Surrounded by black claws and thin ballerina dolls
That play eery slow classical sounds and spin around
I’m the director of this facility
I scan every body and send them either left or right
I don’t like what I do
It frightens me what is done
After the bodies go to the right
It’s not right

I’m attached to you
But I can easily remove myself
I learned by watching you

This is really all I have for you
It doesn’t get better
So when you are cold, and you put on my sweater

I hope the smell of burnt ash & rose perfume is gone

rose, flower, love

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Poem: In your company

How do I tell you, that you’re the love of my life
That sometimes when I daydream
I picture being your wife
I know I act like a diva
But I’ll take any ring you can afford
Life has been hard on us
I want so bad to console you
To adore you, never control you
I’m finding it so hard to say the right things

Please always be here, right at my wing
I need you so I cannot break
My head on your shoulder
Your hand on my spine
If I could, I would be with you, all of the time

You let me decorate the walls with fashion and moons
Bridal advertisements for their colors and luxe
With you I’m fucked out of luck
I’lll never have you how I want
You don’t think I understand you, you’re making the wrong bet
If you were a school of fish I’d be your fishnet
Save you from the perils of the sea
Surgically transform your gills into breathing mechanisms

I can’t believe I’m saying this but you know I would die for you
And that couldn’t be more true
But in your company I am dying myself
Succumbing to pain
It hurts
So
Much
To not be able to reach you like I want
To you it’s like I’m writing in an illegible font
I’m looking right at you but you’re glancing away
Between us there’s so goddamn much we have to say
I get on my knees and beg you to try things my way

With you I’m fucked out of luck
I’ll never have you how I want
In your company I’m dying already

It’s been a slow, debilitating, painful death
I’m close to reaching the heavenly sunset
I love you forever
Say goodbye to my pets