Your eyes started to sink Melt into the sky And I could feel my heart Contract and deflate In one single rhythm
I’ve become your divine Your little trinket, your device Would you feed on my bare ribs straight Out of my chest My blessing to you I bow down and say Any piece of me is forever occupied
Maybe that’s all there is to this life I think that I have finally tasted it all If you could give me one last breath I’ll save it for myself
Like a blanket I’ll cover you I’ll hide you from vapid, rapid snowstorms Give you rain boots for muddy water Comfort you, always Forget you, never Let my love be just one of the multitude of things you know about this world
June is the month Of strawberries Baby’s first words Holding you tight
One last breath To keep for myself I’ll save it until I most need it, which right now isn’t the right time
When I next see you Because, I will see you If Heaven still owes me that grace In return for the ones sent there that knew me well
I’ll keep you For myself Feed on your rib cage Trace your little steps
Sometimes at night I think of you (I’m lying – I always think of you) There’s nothing else I’d rather do It’s the bittersweet sting of being hopelessly enamored with you
The more you want it, the farther away it becomes You stay up late and say you’ll sleep next to the sun He says he’s running late, but he never does come That’s the sad truth about not being the only one I twirl my hair I spin around I choke so hard I fall to the ground And if you calculated my efforts, I’d pay by the pound I’m lost in abysmal and undulating surround sound
He put black padding on the walls to keep the voices quiet Asked me what my favourite wine was and said that he’d buy it Passed me angel dust, but I said I won’t try it This time I’m not lying It hurts more to keep trying Don’t blame it on timing If I am dust, you are worn out leather from a cow that loved to live and breathe fresh air You ran your fingers through my soft, blonde hair I knew you were unaware You had me right there You had me
Boys have short attention spans, so I’m working on making my poems shorter As if a somber gaze doesn’t scratch at the envelope As if the disposable cardboard coaster I kept from the bar we went to last year isn’t practically at its wit end But I stare at it at night and I like to pretend That you and I will never end (You spin me round and round, you scream, you bend) I only liked when you were drinking Because you never stopped talking And I could listen to your words for endless summer days
I’m watching my step I’m too sharp for this town I reached the vault of heaven, but you pushed me back down And every time I walk away from you, I turn right back around You’re the most beautiful thing that I have ever found
And if you want me, please tell me That’s all that I ask Because I don’t know how much longer I can contain this chaotic energy, it’s only a setback It pays for my grave Collects debt at the tollbooth Serves me a clean slate I can’t afford and makes it taste like dry vermouth A botanical celestial atmosphere where there was you and I appeared and you said come here, baby girl, my doe-eyed dear Please, my angel, don’t you ever disappear
I say never Won’t do it I’ll always be here
But you’re so distant from me that my words sound unclear And the walls are blurry and they’re bleeding red And I bought pink satin sheets for my queen-sized bed And I wait every night for you to come fall sleep But if your love cuts my skin, it doesn’t go very deep If your flaws were secrets, they’d be mine to keep And I replay your laugh in my mind on fucking repeat
I know only one thing that’ll make me complete But if it’s me against her, I’m too weak to compete I am a glacier dissolving in sunburns and aggressive summer heat But I still thank God because he arranged for us to meet I know it as much as I love the window seat But I see you and her, so I make a spreadsheet Of all the ways this is going to kill me Please stop, only you can heal me I need you like candy I crave all of you I know that my hopes are too good to be true So I lay on the concrete, I only see in ocean-blue
I scream at God for letting me fall in love with you It’s 3 in the morning There’s nothing else to do
Cocaine kisses, send me off the edge into the abstract obscurity of my conception of time, space, life, youth, vigor, hate, and sour green apples
Cradle me I’m an angel Lying in a soft heaven encapsulated by aquamarine lullabies and the cries of a thousand little shadows So hazy Pretty baby Little lady Spiraling in clusters of neural cell bodies that extend axons down to their terminal buttons I recognized her voice coming from outside my window But she wasn’t talking to me She wasn’t talking to me
Tiny clusters of dazzling diamonds What, in your life, is priceless? Conceptually? Sensually? Horizontally? I am a nicotinic receptor, please don’t bother me while I’m at work It’s a little complicated, but I’m going to keep on going It’s all I need to do – be brave, be strong, endure, go on Lying on my pink plush bed staring at the ceiling fan Circling and circling and circling and circling Enzymes and substrates and catecholamines I do my best work when I can’t be seen
Starships and amphetamines
God, I love your energy It soothes me Invigorates me Calms me Quiets me Loves me
Cocaine causes your brain to sit in a bath of dopamine I like to pour lavender-infused Epsom salts into the warm water and add bubbles because I’m a child at heart And I’m trying to hold on and not break my own heart But it’s hard It’s so hard I don’t know where to start
And you’re so far
You’re so far (we could have been as deep as the oceans) And I think I’m okay The mental image that I’ve created of you is slowly fading, and I’m returning to the reality, the vacancy Encouraging normalcy Doing pirouettes in my living room to French classical music Tranquil lullabies Cheap thrills Hundred dollar bills Poison in your pocket for the next martyr you’ll kill
Sit down at your desk, put your chin to your chest Stretch your neck Give feedback to the people you like in your life Tell them how you’re doing Ask them how they are I’m overdosing in the bathtub from all this dreamy black tar I’m racing a stranger 120 miles per hour in my fucked up classic car They’ll say, she could’ve been a star
My passion is in my work but sometimes it fades I dress up, I’m ready, to have the most perfect of days Something charcoal and black gets in my way
A peaceful slumber, I’ve rested Breakfast is toast Licking jam off my fingers The scent of your cologne I have nothing to do today but write, write, write
Born an academic I found my love on the field Pointing straight at my target– focus and press Down on the trigger, life’s a sweet mess Baby, we eventually do our best
He said my name sounds expensive
He said my name sounds expensive Like a luxurious bath Candles and Ella Fitzgerald in the back I’m curious about my own tastes I’m establishing a new state of rebuilding an identity that I lost when we broke off the engagement Led to a crisp stalemate And what it necessitates Is a return to sensuality and glamour Floral dresses because flowers are part of my soul even though I don’t believe in humanistic psychology However, I do like what the existentialists posed I’m no longer scared to see of what dust I am composed I stay asleep on such a heavy dose
The rain falls like sugar into a small child’s fragile hands
You shouldn’t be scared of me either When it rains I’m like in the garden of Eden You and me, we’re on the same page, something is even But when I’m alone I rip out the pages, shivering down to my bones I let the call ring then hang up the telephone No service in my castle, but I’m in my zone Wait for the beat to drop Babe you’re acting so nonchalant It’s okay, it’s enough, it’s time to stop The beautiful rainfall begins to drop It shimmers Across my spine
Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy Move my arms up like I’m soaking already Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy Move my arms down like I’m dead already
