Tag: photography

Poem: Little baby bat (February)

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Poem: Little baby bat (February)

And that’s all that he needs from her
Pretty gal in his Vans t-shirt
“Felt cute,” so I matched it with a plaid skirt
I didn’t think you’d notice; when you didn’t, it still hurt

To know that I
Am not
The important figurine my egotistical self deems me to be
If our destinations were predetermined,
I know you’d still find a way to hurt me on purpose
Was so confused, wondered why I was acting so nervous
Fell into a tar black trap trying to become perfect
I think to myself, was it worth it
If it’s me, you’ll always think less
Doesn’t matter the lip shade or the dress
Doesn’t matter how warm the hostess

The pretty dresses that I bought to look like your housewife
Don’t even fit me anymore since I recovered and came back to life
I don’t think paradise is
Looking at a light pink satin gown
Having daydreams, strolling around town
Nobody to look at, so where I look is down
Beneath the surface, off the edges, your voice is my favourite sound
I hate, hate, hate not having it around
You lost yourself or something, your irrationality is profound
In this parallel universe, a new beginning is what I’ve found
When I think about my love, I kind of love myself now

Ambiguity and confusion
Inspiration and bliss
Hair soft & golden, my perfume is what you’ll miss
The floral soft magnitudes
The strings on your toys
One of your wrong moves was assuming there were any other boys
When the yelling got too heavy, I surrendered to the noise
I never cried in front of you; I held myself with poise
Some things don’t really matter when you don’t have a choice

I recognized a softness
In you, but it was me
I’m the girl with pastel colours, who makes life lovely
A beautiful, sacred place to be
You felt so far away that I could not see
The visions that you had of me kept smothering me
You had an advantage
You ran out of chances
You never considered the stones I held
To believe in something, to pretend
You loved being adored
I was alone and bored
Pick out keychains with our names at the corner store
Saying that you love me always seemed like such a chore

You move one way, I step right back
I held on tight; I now regret that
It takes some time for me to become attached
But the memories that we contain run like a time-lapse
And I have flashbacks
Panic attacks
Running right after you, you screaming right back
I’m the glass wind shield, you’re the baseball bat
This isn’t what love is like, do you realize that?

I made my resolution early
To not find myself trapped
I wrap my wings around my torso like a little baby bat
I think of you while in traffic, I get so mad
I’m not your baby doll no more, I’m never coming back

Running right after you, you screaming right back
I’m the Victorian vanity mirror, you’re the one whose mad
Then you tell me you love me, but you look at me like that
I’m not your baby doll no more

But I am what you lack

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Poem: Real love is heavenly

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Poem: Real love is heavenly

Essence of a modern girl
I promise if I fall in love with you, I’ll give you the whole world
Stars and spaceships are what I’m made of
My high ballet bun is your favourite
I sit on the hoods of F-150s and smoke your last pack of menthols
You miss hearing me speak? Pick up the phone, and then call
I’m softer this time, I’m breaking out of these cell walls
I climb the stairs to the roof, close my eyes, and then fall

I taste like strawberries
You like me already
I’m getting afraid of when I have to tell you the ending
It’s painful on purpose
It’s an accident you found me
I think there’s a way we can do this real sweetly
And I see your wisdom and kindness in every strong tree
You have my warmest regards, you’re now protected by me
Benevolence is my new form of safety
Gentle reminders that I can live carefree

Real love is heavenly
Real love is meant to be
Real love is white roses and a cup of Earl Grey tea
And I had the growing feeling that it just wasn’t meant for me
I sing real softly
I can’t stop coughing
I want for you and me to do all these things with honesty
The honeymoon period, the vividness of novelty
I live a sincere life of literature and botany
But I have these things, they’ve really been haunting me
I hate to digress
I do it unconsciously

I don’t want to lie to myself
It hurts my self-esteem, it affects my health
I’ve got this adorable greeting card on my bookshelf
I’m saving it for a month’s anniversary with my future boy
I want to celebrate every minute
Scatter patience and joy
Erase the mold the last two years has made on my delicate bones
Unwavering
I’m caving in
And I don’t even expect to be loved in return

Trace your skeleton at night
Kiss you twice, hold you tight
If you have me by your side, you will always be alright
Best girlfriend of the year
I eat lunch alone, right here
Maybe you could sit down with me and tell me all your biggest fears

I feel love inside me
I spread it everywhere
When’s the last time you looked at someone and really felt that they cared?

I’ll sit right beside you
I promise I’ll be right there
If you can’t see your grandeur, I’ll make you aware

For such a small person, I have so much to share
I’ll sit right beside you
I’ll be right there

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Poem: Femoral artery (fever dreams)

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Poem: Femoral artery (fever dreams)

I watch you when you’re bad
I take careful notes
I set them on fire and summon gentle ghosts
They won’t scare you or hurt you the most
Nothing like true love taken away, not even close

I’m sixteen in a few days, I’m trapped in this body
I want you to mimic a system like monoclonal antibodies
Feed the hunger
Burn the rage
Set flames to whom I accused you of being
Prove me wrong
Come as a surprise
I’m finding I don’t make the impression that I imply
Sunsets after jazz concerts on the lawn
I try to find stingrays in the ocean when I swim
I think if this life is a fight, then I’ll most likely win
But they’re doing a good job of telling God that I sinned

Like fever dreams
Like soft doeskin
That came from a being you shouldn’t have touched
I wonder at what point will it all be enough
Blew smoke in his face, he tried calling my bluff
I wake up strong, but I wouldn’t say I’m tough
My wrists are so small the cops use child handcuffs
I wish I was making all this stuff up

To live a romantic life is to surrender to passion
With the weather today, I would say it’s not in fashion
Love for me will never be everlasting

I want it to be
I desperately hope
But we always lose the ones we love the most
They hit your bare knees, the cascading blue waves
Make you stay up pacing around for days
I don’t have the time, and I’ve lost my own place
I was so far ahead
I was almost there
I thought I was close
I was almost there
I choked on my insides
I was almost there
I saw my femoral artery
Blood soaked my white underwear

Like fever dreams
Like soft doeskin
That you’ll always regret purchasing because your ex-girlfriend was a vegan and the way she wears pink ribbons in her ash blonde hair makes you go wild
You act like a child
And I wouldn’t even say your advantage was mild
Knock on my door
Stay a while
I’ll only be happy watching you char in the fire

I know the feeling
I know the daze
I know the brilliant, beautiful Autumn haze
I know Fridays spent alone and solitary Sundays
I’ll only respect you if you participate in the chase
And God, I love it when you try to plead your case
You lost the bet
The cops know you
You think you get me, but I don’t believe that’s true
You’re only with her because there’s nothing else to do

Playing with marbles on the carpet, so they don’t roll too far away
I don’t have the time
I’ve lost my own place
But I clean up nice and live my life with grace

You’re lucky I won’t let you see me face-to-face
You won’t forget my brutality for several days
It’s my milk white gentleness that you can’t replace
I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase

The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
The kind of girl you wish you had for the holidays
As vital to the body as acetylcholinesterase

It’s my resilient nature that will get me through this phase
I used to tell you I love you, but now I’ll rephrase

Lilac Dove

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