Poem: Lying in a field of daisies

Poem: Lying in a field of daisies

It was Saturday; daisies and sweet sunshine
I bought myself kiwi-watermelon wine
Caught up to you right on time
After work you have a few hours to see me
I’m trying real hard to not tell you the truth about all of the things that are going on with me
If you knew, you’d flee
Though I do better when you’re gone
I never said that I was done
But I like holding your arm like this
Introduce me to your adorable little fish
That you have different names for, and varying relationships with
I almost died on the sixth
You were the last thing on my lips

Your apartment’s above a bakery so we wake up to the smell of cookies and muffins
You ask me something serious, I tell you I got nothing
I’m not made out the way you wanted
I can tell, my thoughts are haunted
I wonder if you’d mind if I just, disappeared
For a while
Long enough to write more poetry that isn’t about you
Long enough to find myself in ways more than pink and blue
Long enough to try to escape the physical body I feel chained and restrained to
Look, it’s going to rain
It’s like God saw me and noticed I’m in pain
I wish I could see my dad again

I looked through my tank playing cards, admiring that T-34
I found his old letters, so many pages I gripped, and I tore
I couldn’t stop myself
I wanted them off my shelf
I should have called for help
But I don’t know whether you are or you aren’t one of those boys that picks up the phone when a girl calls you in the middle of the work day
And to be honest I wasn’t ready to find out that way
So on my light pink bedspread I fell backwards and lay
The moon orchestrated this day
I have faith in the sun but not the stars
I love the different models of them high-up cars
I don’t really mind if all we go to are bars
Just know that here we are
In a place that’s
Silent
Quiet
Not meant for people that bring the noise

Lying in a field of daisies
For a young ballerina, I’ve never looked so poised
And I know by your expression that it makes you annoyed
Go to sleep, close your eyes, listen to the twirling fan noise

Lying in a field of daisies
My response to your behavior has got me annoyed
I’ll stay in a hotel tonight, I’ll pay the fee
Maybe when I get out, I’ll finally be free

Lying in a field of daisies


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Poem: Bridge over troubled waters (lazy days)

For a brief moment sunshine fell upon my face

I let God’s light take me to  a breathtaking place

I soaked in the sun rays like an encouraging haze
I closed my eyes and wished for better days
Hope
Holding onto it
Trembling
Feet dangling over the balcony’s wall that I sit on, fifth floor
Give you affection and give you some more
You’re not an eyesore
What’s mine, baby it’s yours
Only if you deserve 

Bridge over troubled waters
Playing on the record player as I mop the kitchen floors, wet from the leak in the ceiling
I’m thinking, I’m feeling
Can’t even believe it
I see better days coming
I see reuniting with the shore
Surfing and bathing suits, for sure

I remembered how he refused to read my poems
Didn’t realize they were all about him
Not other boys
So I said my goodbyes
Blocked his number, changed mine
For a second the sunshine made me feel divine
But as I walked right through it
I passed it and turned around
It was gone
It had left
And an apathy I almost felt
But I thought never mind, because I won’t neglect
All the others that depend on me
To be strong, to foresee
Each little admirable quality
In them
In me
In the leaves on the highest fiddle-leaf fig trees
That sway in the breeze

I’ve said my goodbyes
Kept them wondering why
All my lazy days amounted to somethin’
She was so young, it happened all of a sudden

All my lazy days amounted to somethin’
Freeways calm me down
Settle down my nerves
Soon, a place that won’t hurt
Soon, a place that won’t hurt

Leave me deep in the dirt
So good that it hurts


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Poem: Wisconsin blues

I’ll be next to you

Wisconsin blues
I’m sitting right next to you

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To be creative, you need to be able to respond to pain.

I read the news as I wait for the train
CTA baby, ask me out I’ll say maybe
I’m in need of something refreshing
Something to soothe me
Coax me out of this identity
Let me relive the past but only the brilliance of it
Please don’t send me back there
Not the facility
I can’t give up my tranquility
That appears only when the atmosphere fades to black
My insecurities are under attack
Hold on babe someone’s on the other line, wait for me, I’ll be right back

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Since the dawn of time
I can’t even remember that far ago
I like it in Wisconsin when I look out the window at the mounds of snow
I give you a kiss on the shoulder and you don’t have to say you love me, I just know
You did it again
You made my day
Took the somber right out of me
Molded me like clay
I think I’m going to be okay

I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay

On another day

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Poem: Stone cold and sober

Poem: Stone cold and sober
See you in the Southern states

I want
An indoor swimming pool
My bills paid
To keep staying sober because I think it’s making me stronger
Credit card declined because I used the wrong one
You feeding me teaspoons of sugar
Things that will never happen
Yet I’m hesitant to hopelessly give up to abandon
Resentment dialing up
7 digits on your face
To the lost and fallen I’m a disgrace
Fade into black, hold my soft embrace
I’m worth the chase
Play you like a maze
My enchanted garden, swimming pools for eternity,
Hail Mary
Hail Jesus
Rest on my soft bed, little Bambi
I’m like sour and sweet candy
Sour and sweet candy

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If the sky and the moon weren’t best friends,
Do you think we’d still like them?
I’m like your parasite
I feed and I feed off of you
Drawing in coloring books next to you
Going outside the lines
You pinch me
I’m a doll
A wound-up character
Always late for school
Not one of the skateboarders so I don’t seem cool
The librarian says I rule

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Working the late-night shift
My boss tells me I’m simultaneously the best and the worst of all humankind
I can get behind that
I’m wild like that
Solve your prayers like it’s my job
Poetry books on my bedside table
One day I’ll publish when I’m skilled and able
I’m too busy for cable
Nobody’s trustworthy, nothing I can throw your way 
The crystals unfreeze in May
My Venus is in Virgo, so my love life is a crisis
I no longer pay attention to men
Just count hundred dollar bills
Monopoly money
Come to bed, sweet honey
We’ll talk when we’re older

When we’re older
We’ll talk when we’re older
Stone-cold and sober

We’ll reminisce the good old days for eternity
For eternity

We’ll talk when we’re older
Stone-cold and sober

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Links

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Poem: The Promise of Escape

Dear God, I hope I find you

Dissonance and atonality

The exploitation of the poor
Corrupt bourgeois world
Expose a naive sentiment that I had
Never mind
Contemporary jazz
Classical music
A 12-tone scale causing near riots with its subject matter
I believe in this country
I believe in running away
I believe in the promise of escape

 


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My heart’s not broken

I’m starting my own revolution
I told you already!
By hiding underneath my pillow and my pink and grey blankets
So annoyed when people spell it gray
Some words are
Intended for purely practical ends
Not film
Not photography captions
Not instagram stories
Disquietude
Dear god I hope I find you
You’re missing in places I didn’t know were part of me
My heart’s not broken I’m just wired to see
The bad things you think about me

 


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I just wanted your attention

If I was a feline
I’d prance on top of your work desk
And mess all of your papers up
Wagging my tail like I don’t even know who you are
Or how much this deliberate organizational chaos means to you
I’d knock your desktop computer over
To me, what is it?
Every object is some type of toy
2-3 sugars, you decide, 1-1.5 inches of soy
That’s my degree-holding original barista boy

I just wanted your attention
Is it sad to admit that?
Like I’m writing in dingbats
I have things to say!
Let me have my way!
I’ll rescind to that

Never let me have my caveats
And I’m at fault for that
Learned my lessons tit for tat

But the world doesn’t turn like that
I’ve got to wake myself up
Splash water in my face
Get a real fucking taste
For what’s to come

For what’s to come
Cross my hearts, subtract my sum
I’m an American alumn
I’m the worst that’s to come

 


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