Arachnids are crawling all over me. They’re starting to really itch my knees But, honey, the way you throw your head back When you laugh At the way I dance To these songs that I’m showing you right now, in this light, You are sunshine, Pure sunshine.
I’ll learn how to pick a lock just for you If that’s seriously what you want me to do I’ll find an online manual, I don’t even care where I’m afraid of the things I would do for you But I keep it very composed, calm and close And the way you look with your mauve lip gloss Sunshine Bright lights Yellow dahlias So mine
You look way too beautiful to be sleeping in a bed That’s Lying flat on the floor I mean, I’m pretty sure I hate when I find songs that make me perfectly think of you, I end up playing them into the night.
I don’t even know what this fragrance is But, oh my, am I all over you There is rosewater flowing out of the tap And a white pickup truck in my driveway Oh my, what am I to do? Oh my, what am I to do with you? So fragrant, so lush Like fruit How soon can I marry you?
I had a surprisingly good dream for once. Seems like the night terrors are temporarily at bay All it was was that I was having a conversation with someone who was looking straight at me and Laughing In the loveliest of ways. He just wanted to hear what I had to say next Somehow I felt so comfortable sitting there in my seat I kept making jokes I kept stumbling over my words What’s new there? But I was so happy, for once, I think And I woke up, and I told my mother that I had had such a splendid dream But it was only a simple conversation. The kind that the normal people have seen.
I have On repeat Every day, Like a habit Muted faces Mutilation Picket fences Fresh paint Every day Like a perfect habit Dirty pickup truck That I wash every Saturday And I see the plane flying And I don’t wanna be on it Because I’m comfortable being right here Because of your perfume
Intoxicating Trembling Can’t quite describe The ending All that I Remember Is the smell of Your Perfume
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Nuclear envelopes A testable hypothesis Will you still love me if I – Will you drown me out Like the noise in a soundproof room He always said he’d like to go to solitary confinement just to get away For a honeymoon
Light leaks Asparagine and leucine Convoluted sighs and my pink floor-length satin dress Eating three times on Mondays, Eating four times, the day after Consuming enough carbohydrates to be like a plant A prisoner in your gardener A wide-awake blooming orchid Couch that fell from a truck bed onto the motorway We could just make it ours Watch the fires and fireflies swarm in the distance Devouring apricots A routine for my bedtime
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
Letting go of lethargic tendencies But I don’t have the energy I’m miserable, with or without you Have to be the writer of my own memoir, the heroine in my own maladaptive daydreams That serve me quite well Like soft serve by the beach Made from plant-based oat milk & Oreos I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
Empty head Empty thoughts Your Percocet My writer’s block I’ve been too, afraid, to put this down on paper A typewriter with no keys Hands that swell Knees that bleed I know perfectly well That I’m who you need Will you be there for me, in the daylight and the evenings? My handsome prince Tread carefully I’m exactly who I aspire to be
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I believe in myself, most of all Though, the cognitive dissonance gets swept like ashes At a fireplace Melting, blurring a reality that you swore was three-dimensional You vase of a porcelain starlit galaxy You atmospheric void, claustrophobic from your own apprehension I’m so in love with every part of you Especially the pieces you really disdain
I’ll take them in my hands Like the softest of sand
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I don’t know what to do with all these birthday balloons The vinyl you bought me, thank you, by the way You precious thing. And the things I have to move on from Tangled in grief-ridden spiderwebs Merging through lanes with my blinker forever on I follow all the laws When the crows are watching, carefully
I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
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Love poem: Skin (like a lavender sky)
See, if I speak with you I’ll fall in love with you All over again like an emerald green sky
Girl in a lilac sweater Has never felt better Than laying in the bed of your pickup truck As you pump gas Turn skeletons into ash Move like a menace, kiss me softly like that
You do the things you do solely to see how I’ll react But your closest friends would say you’re more good than bad
Love poem: Skin (like a lavender sky) : continued
So I pause Traceable glances, your advances Trail like a navy fleet approaches the bay Quietly, surely Ready to devour me Keen on microwaving things that are sour You turn entanglements of the moon into long-winded stories That few follow along with because inherently they don’t make sense Tar coal cave of parasites & diamonds Get your house cat to take care of the housing market finance
A river in the rain – water swallowing water, absorbing its high electron state Collapsing at the edges Falling through graphite Notes on my bedroom walls because I forget lavender interior paint is not a chalkboard A vessel for immunity Estranged from the community You only feel close to because you share a hometown with
Love poem: Skin (like a lavender sky): continued
I’d read you my words, that I rehearsed Collectively failing to portray the argument that I thought I had right Your posture will take with you to the grave The handwritten collages I made Of your favourite leaves to give to you for the holidays What a girl That sure thought
It would last, like it couldn’t Like the fever wasn’t on fire The skylight not screaming at me – “Go home, he’s worked too hard” To tear society apart For a girl whose art
Revolves around being in love & staying in it
Love poem: Skin (like a lavender sky): continued
See, if I speak with you (On the top of the aircraft, there are more pretzels) I’d laugh with you Make you smile and that would be too much for me to
Fall in love with you like a crisp lavender sky
You do the things you do solely to see how I’ll react But your closest friends would say you’re more good than bad
Love poem: Skin (like a lavender sky): continued
Patient and holy This girl is only Made of so much skin
Patient and holy This girl is only Made of so much skin
If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do the things you do If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do the things you do
I’m a very kind and gracious girl If you let me, I will give you the world But as the brutality of this world continues to unfold My mirror’s edge is veiled, my patience can’t be sold
Give me your garden Make everything quiet I swear I’m prettiest when I’m not lying I won’t give up hoping, I won’t stop trying But it would be a piece of fiction to say I don’t dream of dying
You’re laughing at me My blonde hair blows in the breeze I will prevail, even though they’re dead-set on bringing long-lasting harm to me I see through the trees When I run, you freeze Collapsing in child’s fables isn’t only for the weak Take me with you I want to know what God knows Don’t be scared of the nighttime In the darkest hours, I’m most composed
The more you grow up, the smarter you think you are But in the same circumstances, you always lose yourself I collect hard-cover books of flowers & death spells I know all the wonderful roses by their first and last names I play with my sanity like it’s my favourite win-or-lose game You were always so harsh But me? Oh, so tame Didn’t know how to respond to all the accusations and shame I hate you, I love you It all sounded the same
I’ve decided to take my most loved photo of us down from my shelf I thought it proved we were real The space between you and myself But my mitral valve is still broken, so I can’t afford to inconvenience oneself Though our smiles were true You said it yourself Never seen a girl look at you so warm and heartfelt It hurts now But it didn’t back then Those split seconds repeat in my mind, again and again You were my prince, my most handsome immunogen You said I stunned in my floral dress Dainty and parisienne
I know this frail body wasn’t exactly built to please I’m a young girl too – I have restraint, but I have needs My singleness of purpose is far too remote I tend to break up with boys by posting poems I wrote When I was at my most fragile, I asked you for a rose Your promises were painful because I never got those
But your perseverance to love me will be your best power I stay up wondering how to please you I only sleep a few hours Me at my most tired is me at my most sour How much more beautiful do I need to be, in order to receive a white flower? I’m sort of like a princess stuck at the crown of a tower My father’s hung flyers for the peasants and princes to form a line Some of them have courage Some barely have a spine The common denominator seems to be they’re all trying But if you said it’s to impress me, I’d say that you’re lying
Several days ago, I bought roses To make myself smile I didn’t change the water Just like me, they’re dying
Winters in Chicago were when I felt my most free The wind chill was so strong, I felt it belonged to me It didn’t matter that it was a lake, I still saw it as the sea All I remember are evenings at Argo Tea Feeling happy, just to be me
You must have composure, you must be determined I’m taking care of myself, I’m doing it on purpose The December chill confronts me with things I am sure of Like how spontaneously great heights can collapse Like how the disillusioned are most likely to relapse Like how I felt, true love was almost in my grasp
But as the fog on my window, it visited and then passed It disappeared just like that I’m trying not to react
I’m screaming into my pillow (I’m trying not to react) I’m folding laundry to feel productive (I’m scared of whom I’ll attract) I lied to everybody & said I was fine (I was so scared the whole time) I’m taking every analeptic (I write your name, strike it out with a line)
I picture me in your backyard, Picking grapes off the vine I cried the whole way home, driving past the coastline I thought I didn’t deserve beauty, God doesn’t want me on cloud nine So I hit up your number, Forgot you were atropine And now I’m having trouble sleeping because you aren’t my lifeline I tell you I need you! You say, maybe next time “I’ve got a girl here, she’s helping me escape my mind”
To some people, I’m gorgeous To you, I’m saccharine But everything I am, you will always undermine I’m not your chosen one Never your valentine
I’m the one that treads water Looking for reasons to be alive
If you were safety, you wouldn’t give me your hand You’d sail towards what suits you The palm trees, the sand
I would get tired Give up and drown You wouldn’t say sorry, because you wouldn’t be around
The water obscures my hearing The green-blue current is the only sound I wanted to be loved, the void was what I found But the ocean is my new bliss, so I fade into the background I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground
I would get tired Give up and drown You wouldn’t say sorry, you wouldn’t be around I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground The sea has become my chosen burial ground The green-blue current is the only sound
The void is what I felt, but true love is what I found
Essence of a modern girl I promise if I fall in love with you, I’ll give you the whole world Stars and spaceships are what I’m made of My high ballet bun is your favourite I sit on the hoods of F-150s and smoke your last pack of menthols You miss hearing me speak? Pick up the phone, and then call I’m softer this time, I’m breaking out of these cell walls I climb the stairs to the roof, close my eyes, and then fall
I taste like strawberries You like me already I’m getting afraid of when I have to tell you the ending It’s painful on purpose It’s an accident you found me I think there’s a way we can do this real sweetly And I see your wisdom and kindness in every strong tree You have my warmest regards, you’re now protected by me Benevolence is my new form of safety Gentle reminders that I can live carefree
Real love is heavenly Real love is meant to be Real love is white roses and a cup of Earl Grey tea And I had the growing feeling that it just wasn’t meant for me I sing real softly I can’t stop coughing I want for you and me to do all these things with honesty The honeymoon period, the vividness of novelty I live a sincere life of literature and botany But I have these things, they’ve really been haunting me I hate to digress I do it unconsciously
I don’t want to lie to myself It hurts my self-esteem, it affects my health I’ve got this adorable greeting card on my bookshelf I’m saving it for a month’s anniversary with my future boy I want to celebrate every minute Scatter patience and joy Erase the mold the last two years has made on my delicate bones Unwavering I’m caving in And I don’t even expect to be loved in return
Trace your skeleton at night Kiss you twice, hold you tight If you have me by your side, you will always be alright Best girlfriend of the year I eat lunch alone, right here Maybe you could sit down with me and tell me all your biggest fears
I feel love inside me I spread it everywhere When’s the last time you looked at someone and really felt that they cared?
I’ll sit right beside you I promise I’ll be right there If you can’t see your grandeur, I’ll make you aware
For such a small person, I have so much to share I’ll sit right beside you I’ll be right there
