Tag: about a girl

Love Poem: New York baby doll (cream sweater)

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Love Poem: New York baby doll (cream sweater)

The type of girl that you want to meet
And to think that we met on the street
And you watched me tag my website on the grey, electrical box in black sharpie and cursive
For nobody to read, to not bother to glance
And you laughed not at me, but with me
Like we were on amphetamines
Like you aren’t as traffic-stopping, rush-hour-madness gorgeous as you are
How you framed a framework of genuine spirit
And the spirits on your golden side table
And the sweet drinks you made me because you store simple syrup
Little bartender in a black top
With hair like she just left the Manhattan salon
With a smile like she’s been happy all along

I don’t think I ever mentioned it at all
I was just
Struck
By the plants you have arranged on your glass windowsill
The cotton, white, dreamlike, lush bedspread
(I made your bed for you like a hundred times)
I wanted to show you I can perform acts of service
Because I clean when I get nervous

And my god, my dear god
My god, did you make me nervous
But not on purpose
Some people exude a confidence that inspires the same thing in yourself
But there’s still this nervous laughter of
How is she so composed
How is she hardly older than I, and so, so –
Full of experience
Full of delight
Worth talking and laughing from dark to the morning light
If this is fleeting, I can accept that
But some people
You want to know what lets them breathe
And I’ve got your clothes, I’ll give them right back
My New York damsel in sovereignty, too chill to be distressed
I’ll have you at your worst; I’ve already seen you at your best

But I’ll have you at your worst; I’ve already seen you at your best

I hope that you’re happy
I hope you wake up and fall in love with the world
I hope your parents love you
And if they don’t, I hope that in your head you tell them to go fuck themselves but keep them in your prayers every night
You deserve
Confetti streamers on your birthday
Someone to travel on the train for 2.5 hours with 29 golden balloons to
Surprise you with celebration

Something about you is so familiar
Something about you is so new
You looked at me with cocaine eyes when I grew solemn and blue
But I wasn’t tired of you
I was just tired- I was up all night!
This girl’s got a bedtime
And I slept well
But it might be my insecurity, for I can’t tell

If I made the right impression
God, I talked so much
Why’d you make me feel so comfortable!
Why did I have to enjoy your presence!
Under the city street lights when I first glanced in your direction, I thought “my god, she probably has everything”

The first impression
That you made
It is one that may partially come from you, and a portion from the book you lent me
Well, I’ll read it, and all that you highlighted – I love the little shades of blue hue
I’ll learn your secrets
I hope you’re living
A life you dreamt of
I hope to be
Someone you’ll send a message to when you’re
Stuck
Not knowing what to wear,
Bored and want to make me a drink, talk about the weather, don’t even have to think
Want someone to make you laugh about everything
Because I’m good at being that

My New Year’s resolution is to be accepting of myself
So I can stop second-guessing whether others accept me
And start living life as boldly and securely as you appear, you stunning avalanche of a porcelain doll

Think I’m starting to think
This year is going to be new for me
It’s only the seventh, and I’m on my pink bedspread in your cream white sweater
Somehow we’re the same size
Even though you’re smaller
Porcelain and clover, golden and sapphire

And you like luxury the way I do
And you don’t eat animals because you care
And we’re the same age but wiser beyond our years
Even though the boys would never tell us that our face

You’re awfully good at first impressions
Is there anything that I forgot to mention?
Shut up, don’t make fun of me for my apprehension

Make love to me under the twinkling lights
Let me give you directions

Porcelain skin, long princess hair
With plants on your windowsill
Downtown Los Angeles, May earth baby girl of nonchalance & sheer observation

Because being alive is just enough for you
Because being alive comes naturally to you
And you told me, not once- but twice
That you’re happy I’m here too
New York baby doll
You were a star in the fleeting night
While you’re in your studio, I’ll be right here
I’ll be right here
The things you said to me
They meant so much to me to hear

The plants arranged on your windowsill
I can’t wait to tell you their genus and species
Because I like biology
And you like theories
And your projector television screen illuminated a light upon your silhouette that made you look even more like a fever dream

In your cream sweater
I feel much better

So call me if you ever want to chat about the weather

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Love poem: Pink cashmere daydream

distantcaveLeave a comment

Love poem: Pink cashmere daydream

A penchant for swimming in rivers too deep to be my abyss
In fragile momentum, I find
Apricots
And shades of silver lightning
Collapsing interwoven honeyed harmonies that indicate a linear adoration
Cut like a crisp stone scattered in orchestration but ruined by damage
That seeped up when I went to sleep and I found that to be the last drawback
I sailed too fast
I redact my last remark
I kissed you too fast
Didn’t know where to start
So I plunged so far ahead of time I thought I almost lost you but
In your pink cashmere sweater you said I was better
Than all the last ones combined
And I laughed
Softly
Globally
Hopefully

Alone in the car, I stared at the floor
The bitter horror found me gazing at whatever was familiar
I took the cobblestone and I built a new throne
But it felt so empty sitting there all alone
You know the name of every anatomical bone
And your collarbone is like morning ballet on a fresh Sunday, holding white roses for performers
Putting your arm around me
Chemicals of amphetamine
Pink cashmere daydream

Holier than heavy black tar
That we cleaned like available vacuums at a self car wash
Dispensable
Agreeable
A comfort to the chaos
A detachment so surreal
You kept moving my long blonde hair because it covered my eyes
And that
Bothered you
Slightly
I’m too shy to figure out why
I wouldn’t dare say you wanted to
See me
In the wild
Winter storms for cars that have poor engines
Screwed up transmission
To be by your side at a fireplace
That’s Sunday for the moon to bear witness
That Sunday when we drank tea and
Truly engaged, we
Smiled for long periods of time
As the world passed us by,

I looked across the field and I saw what you meant about how the haze seems so foggy
So transgressed
You find clouded cataracts in vast open skies
You find evening channels on the television
Your visor doesn’t fit you
My baseball caps need to be adjusted
We split caramel lollipops into two and talk about all the things we’re planning to do
I believe in you
I truly believe in you

The gas station where your face becomes rosy-pink because I paid you a compliment
Or three
You’re blushing
It’s charming
And yet so disarming
Because I’m just a girl and I don’t know what I’m doing
And you
So self-assured
So on path, so on-course
Layered within your default settings of adjustment tendencies
I’m small
So small
Like a stone
In water
Always underwater
Always plunging down
Always in sheer phosphorescent shadows of blue
And I make my way to you
And you tell me to go pay the cashier
I read your last name on your credit card
Not once
But twice

I make my way
Back to the station wagon with your favourite chips
And Mountain Dew
Good with navigation
Reads maps for the sheer delight of it
The fruits of our labor
Rear mirror directed towards you for you to put light pink lip gloss on
Like a Princess
Like a fairy tale
Like diamonds
Like matcha green tea lattes that you pay for out of sheer hospitality
Because you’re older

Because you’re older
Getting rosy-pink cheeks
I said you were sweet
You’re playing the song I have a tattoo of on my thigh on repeat
Because you’re so sweet
Because you’re older
Because your cheeks are rosy-pink

Can’t miss a single second
I try not to blink
Don’t want to miss a single thing
I try not to blink

Because you’re older
Because you’re so sweet
Because your cheeks are rosy-pink

I try not to blink

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Poem: How little I meant

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Poem: How little I meant

Live in modest obscurity
Classic California beach living
Sunglasses, shades, Maseratis, fast cars, soda pop
A life that has been glamorized
Or so I had hypothesized
He wouldn’t even be reading in between my lines
Too busy thinking about himself all the time

Perhaps a few motels overlooking the coast
Empty parking lots
Paint a vision for yourself
Soft ice cream in all good health
Said you were sober, had liquor on the top shelf
Honey, I thought you loved yourself

Ladies, you know me for my diamonds
I’ll show you everything sparkly that’s designer
That girl you once knew, you’re right behind her
To enjoy the high life without mascara on
To come to rise with the evening sun
To know how to really know someone
Stay omnipresent – hot, wild, and young
Like every morning, a new life has just begun
Dark spaces for dark traces of ice-cold skeletons
Bones only fit like fragments
Do what you’re told
Let your dream love life in front of you start to unfold

Everything in the right order
Everything in the right order
Everything all the same
Everything all the same

Lying between last quarter and new moon
I figured when we’d talk, we would be with each other soon
There are words on my body, on yours – video game cartoons
You never meant to express how little I meant to you

I started noticing in conversation
When the focus was on us, you lacked elation
I quit my work for you, I gave up waiting
I became so exhausted not living, but waiting
I tried to show you I was patient
You hate yourself like you’re tainted
Letting of go of the dream that one day you and I would make it

Now I’m in the doorway, sort of half-naked
I’m alone, but I’m tranquil, and nothing you do will change it

I’m alone but I’m tranquil
Nothing you do will change it

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Poem: Burial ground (true love)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Poem: Burial ground (true love)

I’m a very kind and gracious girl
If you let me, I will give you the world
But as the brutality of this world continues to unfold
My mirror’s edge is veiled, my patience can’t be sold

Give me your garden
Make everything quiet
I swear I’m prettiest when I’m not lying
I won’t give up hoping, I won’t stop trying
But it would be a piece of fiction to say I don’t dream of dying

You’re laughing at me
My blonde hair blows in the breeze
I will prevail, even though they’re dead-set on bringing long-lasting harm to me
I see through the trees
When I run, you freeze
Collapsing in child’s fables isn’t only for the weak
Take me with you
I want to know what God knows
Don’t be scared of the nighttime
In the darkest hours, I’m most composed

The more you grow up, the smarter you think you are
But in the same circumstances, you always lose yourself
I collect hard-cover books of flowers & death spells
I know all the wonderful roses by their first and last names
I play with my sanity like it’s my favourite win-or-lose game
You were always so harsh
But me? Oh, so tame
Didn’t know how to respond to all the accusations and shame
I hate you, I love you
It all sounded the same

I’ve decided to take my most loved photo of us down from my shelf
I thought it proved we were real
The space between you and myself
But my mitral valve is still broken, so I can’t afford to inconvenience oneself
Though our smiles were true
You said it yourself
Never seen a girl look at you so warm and heartfelt
It hurts now
But it didn’t back then
Those split seconds repeat in my mind, again and again
You were my prince, my most handsome immunogen
You said I stunned in my floral dress
Dainty and parisienne

I know this frail body wasn’t exactly built to please
I’m a young girl too – I have restraint, but I have needs
My singleness of purpose is far too remote
I tend to break up with boys by posting poems I wrote
When I was at my most fragile, I asked you for a rose
Your promises were painful because I never got those

But your perseverance to love me will be your best power
I stay up wondering how to please you
I only sleep a few hours
Me at my most tired is me at my most sour
How much more beautiful do I need to be, in order to receive a white flower?
I’m sort of like a princess stuck at the crown of a tower
My father’s hung flyers for the peasants and princes to form a line
Some of them have courage
Some barely have a spine
The common denominator seems to be they’re all trying
But if you said it’s to impress me, I’d say that you’re lying

Several days ago, I bought roses
To make myself smile
I didn’t change the water
Just like me, they’re dying

Winters in Chicago were when I felt my most free
The wind chill was so strong, I felt it belonged to me
It didn’t matter that it was a lake, I still saw it as the sea
All I remember are evenings at Argo Tea
Feeling happy, just to be me

You must have composure, you must be determined
I’m taking care of myself, I’m doing it on purpose
The December chill confronts me with things I am sure of
Like how spontaneously great heights can collapse
Like how the disillusioned are most likely to relapse
Like how I felt, true love was almost in my grasp

But as the fog on my window, it visited and then passed
It disappeared just like that
I’m trying not to react

I’m screaming into my pillow
(I’m trying not to react)
I’m folding laundry to feel productive
(I’m scared of whom I’ll attract)
I lied to everybody & said I was fine
(I was so scared the whole time)
I’m taking every analeptic
(I write your name, strike it out with a line)

I picture me in your backyard,
Picking grapes off the vine
I cried the whole way home, driving past the coastline
I thought I didn’t deserve beauty, God doesn’t want me on cloud nine
So I hit up your number,
Forgot you were atropine
And now I’m having trouble sleeping because you aren’t my lifeline
I tell you
I need you!
You say, maybe next time
“I’ve got a girl here, she’s helping me escape my mind”

To some people, I’m gorgeous
To you, I’m saccharine
But everything I am, you will always undermine
I’m not your chosen one
Never your valentine

I’m the one that treads water
Looking for reasons to be alive

If you were safety, you wouldn’t give me your hand
You’d sail towards what suits you
The palm trees, the sand

I would get tired
Give up and drown
You wouldn’t say sorry, because you wouldn’t be around

The water obscures my hearing
The green-blue current is the only sound
I wanted to be loved, the void was what I found
But the ocean is my new bliss, so I fade into the background
I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground

I would get tired
Give up and drown
You wouldn’t say sorry, you wouldn’t be around
I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground
The sea has become my chosen burial ground
The green-blue current is the only sound

The void is what I felt, but true love is what I found

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Dedicated to: James Mark Davies.

Poem: Real love is heavenly

distantcaveLeave a comment

Poem: Real love is heavenly

Essence of a modern girl
I promise if I fall in love with you, I’ll give you the whole world
Stars and spaceships are what I’m made of
My high ballet bun is your favourite
I sit on the hoods of F-150s and smoke your last pack of menthols
You miss hearing me speak? Pick up the phone, and then call
I’m softer this time, I’m breaking out of these cell walls
I climb the stairs to the roof, close my eyes, and then fall

I taste like strawberries
You like me already
I’m getting afraid of when I have to tell you the ending
It’s painful on purpose
It’s an accident you found me
I think there’s a way we can do this real sweetly
And I see your wisdom and kindness in every strong tree
You have my warmest regards, you’re now protected by me
Benevolence is my new form of safety
Gentle reminders that I can live carefree

Real love is heavenly
Real love is meant to be
Real love is white roses and a cup of Earl Grey tea
And I had the growing feeling that it just wasn’t meant for me
I sing real softly
I can’t stop coughing
I want for you and me to do all these things with honesty
The honeymoon period, the vividness of novelty
I live a sincere life of literature and botany
But I have these things, they’ve really been haunting me
I hate to digress
I do it unconsciously

I don’t want to lie to myself
It hurts my self-esteem, it affects my health
I’ve got this adorable greeting card on my bookshelf
I’m saving it for a month’s anniversary with my future boy
I want to celebrate every minute
Scatter patience and joy
Erase the mold the last two years has made on my delicate bones
Unwavering
I’m caving in
And I don’t even expect to be loved in return

Trace your skeleton at night
Kiss you twice, hold you tight
If you have me by your side, you will always be alright
Best girlfriend of the year
I eat lunch alone, right here
Maybe you could sit down with me and tell me all your biggest fears

I feel love inside me
I spread it everywhere
When’s the last time you looked at someone and really felt that they cared?

I’ll sit right beside you
I promise I’ll be right there
If you can’t see your grandeur, I’ll make you aware

For such a small person, I have so much to share
I’ll sit right beside you
I’ll be right there

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