Poem: Your honeycomb (you were pure)

Poem: Your honeycomb (you were pure)

Respect
My angel baby, my love for you
Your honeycomb, bittersweet elegance
Pink nail polish on the highest shelf
With you, I’m my best self
Rest assured I’m in good health
All for the commonwealth
I have a thousand secrets I’m refusing to tell
But if you captivate me enough, entrance me into a maybe, lure me into your consensual cave where we can reminisce about our funniest, most awful, of heartbreaks
For the moment’s sake
I’m crystal-made
I’m dissolving in tangents made up from aptitude
I’m L-Dopa converting to dopamine
Transfusing to you my sweet nectar of the gods (hey, I love how that collar looks on you)
Hey, I love how that sweater looks on you
And if I wore one just like it
Interlaced your arm with mine
Would we be simply divine?
Would we look intertwined?
Would your heart, at the end of the night, be mine?

I’m silly
I’m running away from you
In the whitest of the white lace and tulle
A skirt so pretty it makes boys hurt
I’m not a pacifist, I’m quite the ignorant jerk
I repel people like diamonds in tunnel vision
I’m sparkly and iridescent, but they say I’m pitch black
They don’t know me like that
Don’t know I can be precious
Don’t know I can be sweet
Hot and heavy, sharp on my feet
Lose myself in the summer heat
I find myself when I choose not to cheat
I’m nobody’s mistake but my own
Crescent moon devour me still
Hold me until I’m candlelit
On fire, rupture, rapture, hold me, capture
I’m quite the disaster
But if you were to look away…

You’d never
I’d beg you
Surrender your hopes and dreams to my castle of what could’ve been and what was once was that is no more
I found you in a cave, you were mine, I found you!
You didn’t behave on your own!
You had to be tamed!
Was it foolish of me to pick up where we left off?
You glanced at me, took a sip of whiskey and scoffed
I don’t like how you look with that cup in your hand
I’d rather find you at the DMV, Tolstoy’s narrative in your hand
You’re so good at being grand
And when I’ll be queen I’ll demand
To share this bittersweet, homely, wholehearted world with you
Never shelter you
Always unsettle you
Make you divide by two
Alongside me in front of Lake Michigan, that’s a dream too sweet for me to save in my neural space
You always said I had the most perfect, soft face
But you couldn’t keep up with my vapid pace

I’ll outrun you in marathons, I’ll sprint past you in daydreams
I went to five stores to find a wedding dress that I ended up being unhappy with
So we canceled our plans
Were unsure of where we could stand
See each other in impure reality or dissolve into volatile pieces of sand
I’ll take you by the hand
Push you into the ocean, make you suffer some more
Until you’re practically begging me to take you to shore
But I’m not done yet, I haven’t even gotten to the gore
When you were in love with me, you were pure
When you were in love with me, you were pure
When you were in love with me, you were pure
When you were in love with me, you were pure

Fly me to Paris, I’ll take you on a tour
Of the rose gardens, I wanted to become your bride in
Of wife and of man
I’m laying in the sand
Drew a heart in the dirt, cobblestone made me hurt
You wouldn’t say a word

When you were in love with me, you were pure
When you were in love with me, you were pure
When you were in love with me, you were pure
When you were in love with me, you were pure

Now nothing I wear makes me pretty
I’m shaking, trembling, and fidgety
This is what the anxiety does to me

You were
Stained black and I couldn’t
Differentiate up from down
You closed in on me like atmospheric surround sound
And when you asked what I wanted to do, I didn’t lie, I said I wish I would drown

You used to tell me I was prettiest in the bathtub.

Poem: Surface tension (poolside dreams)

I saw the skinniest girls at the pool today
They were all bone, with graceful flat stomachs
I started to hate myself again
And I considered if
Maybe I was going too far
Maybe they have scars to hide too
But I traced their gentle bodies with my disturbing eyes
And I couldn’t find a somber disguise
Or any evidence that they hate themselves too

Maybe I didn’t look deep enough
What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath

I toss and turn wildly in my bedsheets
And maybe the spaces of my ribs and the lights in-between
No longer shine, no longer gleam
I look dirty even when I’m entirely clean
I try to smile, but I can’t hold back that I’m so, so mean

They splashed each other while in the water
I knew if I smiled I’d only bother
But maybe they were growing sick of each other
At that point, I’d be a newfound lover
But when it rains it decays what’s left of me
I only feel blissful when I’m swimming in the sea (I feel like it’s a part of me)
I am opalescent in matters of blue
Your favourite shades of Hunter green
Writing poetry with a ruptured spleen
I miss being a fragile and innocent young teen
Didn’t stop you from touching me

Didn’t stop you from touching me
You claimed that you were teaching me
But my skin turned dark like you were leaching me
I’d have the strongest, most bizarre of nightmares
Wake up sweating, alone, and scared
A modest, timid girl
Too small to be bared
You dragged my body up the crystallized stairs

What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath
When the gun started firing, the bed I hid beneath
Is it always as rosy as the daydream makes it seem?
My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene

My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene

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Poem: Love you in fragments

Love you in fragments – love you in fragments – love you in fragments – love you 




Author

The author of the poetry on Lilac Dove is a young girl living on the outskirts of Los Angeles, twirling her hair with her finger and eating sour candy, as she writes about the strangeness of her life.

Softness and silk

I love you in fragments
Like pieces of a puzzle

That no matter how hard I try to make out the shapes just right

I’m always wrong

I find myself thinking about things like
Do you paint pictures of me in your mind before going to sleep
Before resting your beautiful tan head on the mattress because you don’t like pillows
You joke they’re too soft
But I’m soft
Fragile in places I’ll never admit out loud
Paradise found
You call, and I’m the happiest girl in the United States of America

To dream is to escape reality

But you just ask me questions
Like I’m an encyclopedia of the world
And while I’m charmed that you value my intellect so
It still feels shallow
A jellyfish catching me after I lose out on a killer wave
When I’m with you, I always tend to misbehave
Reconsider my decisions later
Wonder if I could have done better
But you encapsulate me every time
Put me in a bubble with no oxygen, so with every one of my screams I’m losing out on life
Is that what this is like?

There were times when I felt divine

Reconsider my decisions later
Wonder if I could have done better
Thankful that I still have your sweater
Accept the parts of you no-one else sees
Parts of you that are rust- to me, are shiny
Pick up the phone every time you call

Which as of late, has been no time at all

Leave me a voicemail
Tell me you love me
Leave me a voicemail
Don’t let go when you hug me
Reconsider my decisions later
Wonder if I could have done better

Go to bed every night in your sweater


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Poem: White mustang, no cigarettes

Poem: White mustang, no cigarettes

Out of all my vices
Got no more cigarettes
Marriage is a stretch, it’s far-fetched
A violent vehemence
That I got caught in because he said I was one of his regrets
One of his regrets
I’d protest to that
Absence of evidence

I’m a humble girl, I’m real cool
Catch me doing laps in the swimming pool
I objectify God; in all his heavens I rule
I’m not what you’re used to
But as strange as this fancy, rugged life turns out to be
I have a strange sense I won’t make it past thirty
What’s not to be is not meant to be
Coca Cola and vanilla ice cream in the evenings
Different rituals for different seasons
A stray cat, got loose, we’ll make it even
I lay back, underneath the sun, I’m gleaming
Strangers make strange choices for strange reasons

♥ Strangers make strange choices for strange reasons ♥

♥ I’m bored to death and my glamour is fading ♥

I’m bored to death and my glamour is fading
With every cheap trick you try
I glance out the window, months just fly by
My ego’s even on the same page, telling me to get rid of you
It’s like taking out the trash
One long-winded heroin crash
I pour myself a warm bath
Collapse
Small movements
Trembling
Hands around my knees, hold them close to me
Like when I held your hand, and my heart felt safe
You were looking real nice for what was a blind date
Cigarettes into ash, swear I thought it was fate
The way your fingers interlaced my wire front gate
Never over five minutes late

I’m made of caramel syrup & mocha drizzle
You taste it, you want more, I only give you a little
I’m fairly humble in my opinion
You’ll be home any minute
And I can’t wait until you get home and see my stuff is all packed
I’m going back to the city where we stayed on track
Listening to White Mustang on replay, back to back
Lana’s the only one to bring me joy
I know you’re starting to sweat, you’re feeling paranoid
It previously hadn’t occured to you that I’m someone you enjoy
The glisten on the shine of my watermelon nail polish
The sparkles of pink and white of my carefully creased eye shadow
I’m not meant for this household
Realistically it should only occupy one man
Quite frankly I don’t care if you do or you do not understand
We’re crumbling like an avalanche
I’m coughing up sand

I stayed in your company because God, I love snow
I love champagne and wearing conservative dresses to the company engagements you’d invite me too
’till one day I caught your gaze, you looked oh so blue
Like the fakeness of it all finally got through to you
You realized you weren’t capable of loving a doll like me
Little bumble bee
Awfully cruel, brutal honesty

Out of all my vices
Got no cigarettes
I remember when you said I would become your favourite regret
You used to say I was heaven-sent
You remember that agreement we made behind a peach sunset?
First one to leave gets custody

I’m packed
I’m through
I give you a note
“First one to leave gets custody”


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