Tag: depressing poem

Poem: Baby blue bone marrow

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Poem: Baby blue bone marrow

Watching a girl in a long, flowing, blue dress pull her partner up
I am painfully aware about my lack of community
Keep thinking things, like, oh, it’ll happen next year and, oh, I’m so busy anyway
So much to take care of within the home
She’s sick now, she’s so sick now
Have to toughen up, get better at not crying in public
I’m really losing it, you guys
I say to no one at all

The sun makes its way through the trees and dapples right onto me
Finds me intrinsically
Melancholy heartbeat
I hate your white blood cell count and I hate the lack of snow in this town
Find me on a day where I’m not going crazy
Perhaps we can make a deal so that Jesus can save me
What you want, you get, pretty much none of the time
What I want, is far-fetched, and I’m not delusional this time
Cell count like frostbite
I hated how the physician thought he had to
Explain anything to me
Then paternal, now maternal
Panic attacks in closets turned into panic attacks in the restroom, at my shifts
You made a headband out of a shirt and the creativity that showed made me immediately
Begin to cry
You already took one, you can’t take another
He already took one, He can’t take my other

Poem: Baby blue bone marrow (continued)

A person saw me wiping my eyes while writing this at the park
Watching my dog, so full of life, so naturally exhibiting pure freedom
We bought so many little sleep shorts at Brandy Melville
It’s so funny—we will never run out now!
In bed all day every day, get well cards, from no one
We keep things so, so, so quiet within our house
Nobody will know
Our little secret
When I’m crying in the car
They’ll think it’s about my romantic relationship
Keep things just between you and me
Like, all of the time, forever
Like a leech, it’ll get us, don’t you know that well enough?

Like paternal, now maternal
The panic attacks have come back
You already took one, he can’t take another
He already took one, He can’t take my other
What am I to do with all of these tiny sleep shorts
When they’re worn and I’m bruised and the sweetest colours of baby blue
Surround you
What am I to do
Without you
I have nowhere I want to be
If you can’t see me

Poem: Baby blue bone marrow (continued)

Thank God Heaven exists, we tell ourselves
Get ourselves ready for those gold double doors
Thank God Heaven exists, because we’ve always been heaven sent
Thank God for those gold double doors
Without question, I’ll give you what’s beneath my flesh, of course
But it’s not an option

Baby blue
Surrounds
You
I hope
To spend enough time
Because not you, too

You already took one, you can’t take another
He already took one, He can’t take my other

Surrounded
By
Baby blue
Surround sound
We sleep in the filth
Cell count like the worst frostbite
This is the start of me
Never again being able to sleep right
When I wake up
Will I be
The only one
To observe all the baby blue that surrounds you

Little sleep shorts

Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater)

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Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater)

Even the smallest meteorites can make a dent
A shower in the afternoon, music absolutely must play
I can’t give my mind too much space
Tried to hate you, but the action is impossible for me
A sensitive, contemplative queen
Take inspiration from the female main character on my television screen

Dying to spend time outdoors
Perfect place to talk with you
Where nobody can yell
Keep up appearances, keep moving forward
Naturally, I’d be stopping to take photographs of plants
Though I am truly interested to hear how you draft
Your words so carefully and yet,
They still hurt
My own oblivion—how unusual; it’s a first
Why people search for someone to take accountability
Finally makes perfect sense to me
It would mean everything
Though I have no expectations
Now that’s truly uncharacteristic of me

Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater) [continued]

Hold myself close
Hold myself close
Favourite Radiohead song for when I’m depleted
Not what I wanted, perhaps what I needed
To relate to how people in certain circumstances feel
I don’t like it
But I’m committed
To better understand the world
I want fresh florals and my favourite perfume
The sunshine is out there for those that feel consumed
By hospital bills and mental notes
It’s precious, our time, so I’d like to enjoy it
But we’ll never move on if we don’t address it
Neither the one affected nor the one who bears it

It’s shared, can’t you see?
I believe in harmony
Have learned I can never convince somebody to promise me
It’s better like that
The effort sure does count
I’m seeing blue
I think of you

Poem: One letter sent, one letter kept (lunar crater) [continued]

I’m in a gown, I’m ready
The water can take me
Reshape me
She only writes this much when her heart is breaking
Turning hobbies into routines
Cut-outs from magazines I’m framing
Made me feel ill, vomit on a television screen
The way you talk to me
It feels so mean
Your absolute favourite colour is also one of mine
Sage green

Don’t be dramatic
It’s just television static
None of it truly qualifies as far-fetched or theatric
You said there’d be plenty of room
For me
In the dusty attic
I looked for my favourite pen and a piece of A4-lined paper
My words had a breathtaking honesty that made me proud of myself
Celestial equator, vintage coffee maker
Elegant movie-maker
Pretty little lunar crater

One letter sent
One letter kept
If things change, it could be a new beginning
If they don’t, I’ll begin anyway
The sunshine is out there
For those that feel like running away
But once the meteorite hits,
A lunar crater forms
Prettiest thing I think I have ever seen
True harmony

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Poem: That’s what’s up

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Poem: That’s what’s up

I need moral support
You’re all so boring
I’m smoking a cigarette in the apartment
Light pink slippers
The room turns to melting frost

I need to make a choice
You’re all so lonely
I’m smoking a cigarette in the backyard
Bamboo curtains
Disheveled in appearance but on trial on time

Serving our community
Driving with my eyes closed
An avalanche and beat-down neighborhood where funeral homes are sold
I love him but he won’t bear arms
So how can he protect me
If you can send me a silver lining
Tell my father I’m tired of waking up and fighting
Won’t you inspire me
FedEx me your venom through an umbilical cord

Dandelion and Baby’s Breath
They crowd around me
Tear out my hair
Laugh at the angles of my bones
The fog terrifies me
Though I’m so aware
I’ll crumble if I’m not composed

Even if I’m brittle
I’ll stay up for a little

I met a girl named Isabel
Passed me an ashtray in her jet black corvette
Ambiguous
Butterflies
For how long
For how much longer
Dad, how much longer do I have
How much longer do I have to keep doing this

Just to get home
Just to get home
Closing my left eye to see straight
She had gold silverware in her jet black corvette
Told me her boy was frustrating her because he always forgets

Took the wrong exit off the freeway
Ended up in a ditch
Peace was there
Waiting for me
Nobody stopped to ask what I was doing
If you want miracles, I’m living proof of it

Plain charcoal grey t shirt
I want to write the kind of poetry that scares boys away
The right one will see me for my diamonds and my smoke screens
A bridge gently collapsing
Laying down next to a fountain

I don’t go to parties
Because the people tend to bore me
They stand in circles and ask each other “what’s up?”

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Poem: Soft times

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Poem: Soft times

I threw a cigarette down on the ground while it was still lit and burned my foot
I thought about when we sat on the bench, and you held me tight by my livelihood
The frame of reference from me to you was always that you were misunderstood
But I never thought about it like that
I never thought about it like that
And I can’t tell whether I want you to come back
I can’t tell whether I want you to come back
The way I’d submit to you, I always felt so attacked
Wished you would pay attention to my words, wanted you to be keeping track
My nerves would pile up- going haywire, getting hijacked
I can say “I love you” then keep myself from getting sidetracked
I can’t seem to fall asleep without reminiscent, beautiful flashbacks

Soft times
Soft times

I think I make them up in my mind
I know for sure you’re leaving me behind
Think it’s good for me at the same time
I press play; you hit rewind

The vision’s always there
You – unaware
Me – trying not to stare
The sunshine’s oblivious glare

The vision’s always there
You, always unaware
Me – feeling so damn scared
Won’t speak up, wouldn’t dare

I can’t seem to fall asleep
You’re in my veins, you’re troubling me
You wouldn’t come sit with me by the crashing sea
Failure to disappear is choking me for eternity
I thought things would improve if I looked more pretty
I tried to speak quieter, say my sentiments softly
I still haven’t realized it has little to do with me

I wish I could erase
Your contemplative face
Your light tan shade of summer’s warmth
I’m taking all the pills
Never feeling thrills
Because the void is haunting me, haunting me still

I can’t change until
My body gets so ill
That I throw up any shadow that reminds me of you
I’m a small girl
I’m losing hope
If you were me, what would you do?

If you were me, what would you do?

You, always unaware
Me – feeling so damn scared
There’s nothing
There’s nothing
But empty space

This life has yet to swallow you

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas
Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays
I thought of all the rainy dates
The sombre, cold Saturdays
Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene
Hand over my mouth while I scream
The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine
The nights of unconditional pain
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain
I thought of you as my John Wayne
Only my devotion remained the same

Daffodils paint your iridescent smile
I always try to get you to stay for a longer while
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings
You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings
I’d love to meet your family
I’d love to meet your friends
I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend
Fixing up daisies
Mowing the lawn
You softened my view of right and wrong
You made me too vague to quite belong

Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long
Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song

But I’m learning the chords
Your vinyl collection, of course
You want me to play housewife and do all your chores
But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored
The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore
So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore
And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore
If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more
Spoke to me like a virgin
Told the world I was a whore

I could leave tomorrow
You wouldn’t say goodbye
It was my absolute most favourite holiday
And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say
My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away
No more watering the garden
No more child-like play
Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway
Nostalgia too much to bear
Your petit-mal seizure stare
I’m not quite there
But I’m almost halfway

I molded you into a diamond
You decayed that way
Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave
I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back
Been trying to determine what it is I lack
It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that
My words are so useless, coated in coal-black
You’re so sober when you drink your cognac
I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me

I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

You only see black & white but I’m lilac
You only see in me all the things I lack
A heroin dream that begins and ends with black

I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
But this time you’re in love with me

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