Tag: sad romance

Love poem: Perfectly real (really perfect)

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Love poem: Perfectly real (really perfect)

Suddenly
The impetus is on me
To be perfect, so perfect, for you again
Satin & lavender bedsheets
Fresh clothes from the dryer
Neurons that synapse when the clock resets

But I can’t
Withstand
Dissonance
I can’t
Bear to
Live with regret
I can’t
Break free from
This tangled fishnet
The wire digging its claws directly into my spine

Disengagement when separated
Disregarded how you said maybe
Perhaps it’s my own agenda that
I failed to write out in black ink
My own handwriting looks foreign to me
The flowers in my apartment have finished dying
I closed the curtains, but someone is waiting
To see me burn out like I’ve been on fire this whole time

Carving my name into my solitude
Changing the location of a confined venue
I don’t like this dress
Don’t like how I look in it
Want you to tell me I inspire you to stop playing make-believe
Wish you would bring me roses & be gentle with me
Not let me lose any more sleep

I’m not really writing
I’m scared of defining
How lazy I’ve gotten at building my self-esteem
The ships are all sinking
The pilot keeps blinking
& the leftovers have spoiled because real things are only real in real time

So I hit “unsend”
Spend the afternoon in my garden
Playing with my own hair, saying your name to myself

I can’t even ask you
What you meant when you said nothing
Because I know myself to get in the way of what could be

I’ll trace my ashes
In long cylinder glasses
Faking a proof-of-concept of a girl who takes pride in the way she carries herself

Now I’m scared of writing
Because I don’t like what I see
And that holds far too much meaning to me

I’m sick of trying
To act like I haven’t been
Crying myself to sleep

Tell me I’m perfect
Say that you missed me
Step into my four-chambered studio where the pianos lack keys
& the guitars have no strings
We can dissolve into anything we want life to be

Tell me you missed me
Without lying to me
Tell me I’m perfect
Because you can see how I dream
Tell me you loved how
I didn’t seem desperate
To find in my own self what you’ve found in yours

I’ll rearrange my bedroom
Work on shifting my patterns
So that the stillness in your settings can bleed into me

Tell me I’m perfect
Without lying to me
Reach for me when I’m drowning
In my make-believe sea
Allow me to realize there’s more to let go of
More in life to make sense of
More in this life to see

When you’ve regained stability
Found blue-green lakes filled with clarity
Then, you can come back to me

I’ll be in my garden
Telling myself
That I don’t have to be perfect to be something real

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Poem: Soft times

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Poem: Soft times

I threw a cigarette down on the ground while it was still lit and burned my foot
I thought about when we sat on the bench, and you held me tight by my livelihood
The frame of reference from me to you was always that you were misunderstood
But I never thought about it like that
I never thought about it like that
And I can’t tell whether I want you to come back
I can’t tell whether I want you to come back
The way I’d submit to you, I always felt so attacked
Wished you would pay attention to my words, wanted you to be keeping track
My nerves would pile up- going haywire, getting hijacked
I can say “I love you” then keep myself from getting sidetracked
I can’t seem to fall asleep without reminiscent, beautiful flashbacks

Soft times
Soft times

I think I make them up in my mind
I know for sure you’re leaving me behind
Think it’s good for me at the same time
I press play; you hit rewind

The vision’s always there
You – unaware
Me – trying not to stare
The sunshine’s oblivious glare

The vision’s always there
You, always unaware
Me – feeling so damn scared
Won’t speak up, wouldn’t dare

I can’t seem to fall asleep
You’re in my veins, you’re troubling me
You wouldn’t come sit with me by the crashing sea
Failure to disappear is choking me for eternity
I thought things would improve if I looked more pretty
I tried to speak quieter, say my sentiments softly
I still haven’t realized it has little to do with me

I wish I could erase
Your contemplative face
Your light tan shade of summer’s warmth
I’m taking all the pills
Never feeling thrills
Because the void is haunting me, haunting me still

I can’t change until
My body gets so ill
That I throw up any shadow that reminds me of you
I’m a small girl
I’m losing hope
If you were me, what would you do?

If you were me, what would you do?

You, always unaware
Me – feeling so damn scared
There’s nothing
There’s nothing
But empty space

This life has yet to swallow you

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Poem: White Honda Civic (over you)

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Poem: White Honda Civic (over you)

I loved when you had that white Honda Civic
I think I loved the person you were when you were in it
A little optimistic
A tad less sadistic
Revvin’ it up
Making me mad
Falling harder & harder like an annoying pop song
Listening to you breathe when you fall asleep
Telling me I’m always in your dreams

Sobriety was supposed to fix you
Instead, it showed me the real you
So I concluded I can no longer love you
Even though you beat me like a drum
Look good with anything on
Bleed like Kermes vermilio crimson
Bore me to death with the best stories I’ve ever heard
Sentences where you compare me to her
Never allowing me to feel more than unsure
Memories that fade to an unpleasant blur
I couldn’t stop

I knew it was all wrong
You turned my poetry into songs
That you’d play for other girls to make them think you’re good with words
Jazz and ice
Forget paradise
In your lab, I’m all the squirming mice
I know you better than that
Please stay on your Prozac
The world can be so wonderful the day you stop feeling so attacked
& I’m learning to think clearly before I get so attached
You make me so mad
I changed my mind about ever coming back

I can’t
I can’t
Do that dance again
You treat me like God’s biggest mistake
And then tell me heaven isn’t real, it’s all fake
How am I supposed to feel?
How do you know what’s real?
All my favourite people are there
Where do they go when they’re scared?
How upset were they with me when they saw that I didn’t leave but remained aware?
Cappuccinos that are hot
Smiling, and then not
All the blueprints to me – every detail, you forgot
The slow progression of feeling unloved and lost
This is my forever, that’s what I thought

You’re not made for me
You live painfully
I am trying my best to no longer feel sorry for you
The things that you do
You don’t understand their magnitude
Stop singing my lines to girls just to make them fall in love with you
You don’t understand my words
I’m in the ocean with the dead birds
I was so happy you got better, but you only really got worse
I think being caring is my most volatile curse

When I think of you
It’s a reminder to me
Of how oblivious, hopeful, & sad I can be
Especially when I paint rose petals so pink and lovely in my dreams
But the reality of what we are is so far from what it seems
Part of me wishes I was too vapid to think of these things
The emptiness of the situation has a dolefulness it brings
Some days I feel lighter
But for the most part, the powers of retention can really sting
I said I’d do anything

And I sing my own poetry to myself to fall asleep
I’m not trying to impress anyone
I live a life that’s very alone
And I can only hope that from here on I don’t succumb
To keeping somebody close by my side
That won’t buy me flowers because of his pride
You hated the beach, so I never got to feel loved by the tide
Some of my friends seriously thought that I died

Don’t say I didn’t try to help you
In all sincerity, I tried
At what point will I have finally given enough reasons why
I don’t answer your calls
I don’t want you at all

I loved when you had that white Honda Civic
I think I loved the person you were when you were in it

Promising

Thank you for reading! Comment if you have something to say, otherwise stay safe & fall in love with the right people.

Elle

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas
Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays
I thought of all the rainy dates
The sombre, cold Saturdays
Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene
Hand over my mouth while I scream
The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine
The nights of unconditional pain
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain
I thought of you as my John Wayne
Only my devotion remained the same

Daffodils paint your iridescent smile
I always try to get you to stay for a longer while
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings
You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings
I’d love to meet your family
I’d love to meet your friends
I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend
Fixing up daisies
Mowing the lawn
You softened my view of right and wrong
You made me too vague to quite belong

Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long
Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song

But I’m learning the chords
Your vinyl collection, of course
You want me to play housewife and do all your chores
But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored
The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore
So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore
And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore
If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more
Spoke to me like a virgin
Told the world I was a whore

I could leave tomorrow
You wouldn’t say goodbye
It was my absolute most favourite holiday
And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say
My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away
No more watering the garden
No more child-like play
Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway
Nostalgia too much to bear
Your petit-mal seizure stare
I’m not quite there
But I’m almost halfway

I molded you into a diamond
You decayed that way
Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave
I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back
Been trying to determine what it is I lack
It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that
My words are so useless, coated in coal-black
You’re so sober when you drink your cognac
I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me

I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

You only see black & white but I’m lilac
You only see in me all the things I lack
A heroin dream that begins and ends with black

I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
But this time you’re in love with me

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