We were sitting in the sun, Both so much in love, But you and I are both loners. We can’t touch each other right now. Be there for each other right now. We’re independent and self-made. We are mirrors of each other, and it breaks my heart too.
I hope you think of me when you see pickup trucks lifted up high, Pink acrylic nails touching your thigh Listening to Lana Del Rey with the top of the convertible down, That’s me. That’s always me. That’ll always be me in your memory.
You can tell your friends you’re over it & I’ll tell mine the exact same But you’ll hear country music playing somewhere outside You know things will never be the same
Poem: Boy-crazy (dollhouse) [continued]
I am never getting out of here. This dollhouse that you shoved me into With the rosebushes and everything that you know I liked. You shoved me in because you wanted me to stay with you But I had other plans and I screamed out, But it sounded like sand. I didn’t wanna be in your dollhouse Shoved by you.
But you say to me, I thought you were boy crazy aren’t you boy crazy I thought you were boy crazy but you say to me I thought you were boy crazy aren’t you boy crazy I thought you were boy crazy but you say to me
Don’t you like bad boys I said no I said no I said no
Oh, you have no idea of what’s wrong with me Cos I got a whole long list for ya But I don’t share it with anyone I let them find out for themselves They often don’t So I can keep my secrets in the amethyst cave The one that was built just for me The one they’ll bury me in, in my grave
A lifted, matte black four-by-four driving right over me Peeling all the smoked cigarettes straight out of yours truly, I know I look petite, look small, look sweet But there’s something hidden inside of me that’s so unruly I am not scared of it – how could I be? It’s part of me I don’t think you should be either George fixed my truck, and he made it real nice But he drove it over and over straight over me On a cold, hard, self-manufactured repeat
Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)
A large onyx black pickup truck that came with flowers Baby’s Breath and off-road excellence Bellflower Blvd is where the finish line is It’s the name of my dog that I miss like I do Heaven’s remorse And I can get some quick gains if I gamble right But I always miss the mark on purpose Climbing into rabbit holes just to see what’s inside, If I wasn’t who I am, I’d have so many reasons to hide
Cos I’m tough in the way only a rose bush can be I see the way that strangers look at me And I don’t mind if I have to be the only one to believe In what I am capable of being, A fruit tree in the middle of nowhere Pomelos left on the side of the road That someone was selling but Forgot about
Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)
The people in the car next to me at the stop light They don’t know why I’m crying about this song. The people in the car next to me at the stop light They don’t care why I’m crying to this song They don’t know why I’m crying about this song The people in the car next to me at the stop light They don’t know It’s Bellflower Blvd
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My angel of all angels I look for you everywhere One jagged footstep after another Saw so much of myself in you Wanted to keep you safe Shield you from the venomous, foggy skies
One pebble that forms an entire ocean I’m enjoying the alone time But I think of you constantly (How could I not?) At the edge of my lavender & velvet bed Gorgeous brown eyes A diameter so perfect it could bring me to tears
Fascinated by police sirens, A villain that’s scared of nothing In love with the sheer chaos of vitality, as am I To be young and to grow old Never do what you’re told Watch television with me as the evening unfolds Real perfection encapsulated, one single moment Your brown eyes on repeat every single day
Us walking around the Windy City You – looking so pretty Me hopelessly attached to the fibers within you A skeleton I Sought to preserve So I could run my fingers along your delicate spine Happy
Lost dog Posters of you everywhere (In my mind) Trying to figure out where it is, you went Thinking whether and to what extent God was involved It’s been three months, and it feels like you just left I swear I can still feel you right there.
You were that vicious one on the street Didn’t accept anyone else’s morals as your own When you were with me, Our worlds would never collide. Felt like a perfect unison of all the good and evil in this world. And I loved that about you How you kept my secrets in a safe place Somewhere nobody has been able to find
I take the exit to Bellflower Boulevard I see you all over the place Can you see me driving in the night? Can you see me driving like I’m coming home to you?
Coming home to you Can you see me coming home to you? Wrapped up in my memories of you Do you wonder where I am, too?
Lost dog I tell God Breathe the life into me that you took out of her. I think I’ve seen and felt it all I’m ready for you to come home I’m ready for you to come home My angel My angel My angel My angel
Come home Your brown eyes on repeat Every single day
Your eyes started to sink Melt into the sky And I could feel my heart Contract and deflate In one single rhythm
I’ve become your divine Your little trinket, your device Would you feed on my bare ribs straight Out of my chest My blessing to you I bow down and say Any piece of me is forever occupied
Maybe that’s all there is to this life I think that I have finally tasted it all If you could give me one last breath I’ll save it for myself
Like a blanket I’ll cover you I’ll hide you from vapid, rapid snowstorms Give you rain boots for muddy water Comfort you, always Forget you, never Let my love be just one of the multitude of things you know about this world
June is the month Of strawberries Baby’s first words Holding you tight
One last breath To keep for myself I’ll save it until I most need it, which right now isn’t the right time
When I next see you Because, I will see you If Heaven still owes me that grace In return for the ones sent there that knew me well
I’ll keep you For myself Feed on your rib cage Trace your little steps
I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays I thought of all the rainy dates The sombre, cold Saturdays Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene Hand over my mouth while I scream The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine The nights of unconditional pain Nothing to lose, nothing to gain I thought of you as my John Wayne Only my devotion remained the same
Daffodils paint your iridescent smile I always try to get you to stay for a longer while I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by I’d never have to come up with a reason why When you’re faithful and in love There’s no reason to lie
I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings I’d love to meet your family I’d love to meet your friends I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend Fixing up daisies Mowing the lawn You softened my view of right and wrong You made me too vague to quite belong
Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song
But I’m learning the chords Your vinyl collection, of course You want me to play housewife and do all your chores But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more Spoke to me like a virgin Told the world I was a whore
I could leave tomorrow You wouldn’t say goodbye It was my absolute most favourite holiday And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away No more watering the garden No more child-like play Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway Nostalgia too much to bear Your petit-mal seizure stare I’m not quite there But I’m almost halfway
I molded you into a diamond You decayed that way Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back Been trying to determine what it is I lack It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that My words are so useless, coated in coal-black You’re so sober when you drink your cognac I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback
It’s you and me on the balcony But this time you’re in love with me
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by I’d never have to come up with a reason why When you’re faithful and in love There’s no reason to lie
You only see black & white but I’m lilac You only see in me all the things I lack A heroin dream that begins and ends with black
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
It’s you and me on the balcony But this time you’re in love with me I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back But this time you’re in love with me
