Tag: poetry about loss

Poem: Bellflower Blvd

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Poem: Bellflower Blvd

Oh, you have no idea of what’s wrong with me
Cos I got a whole long list for ya
But I don’t share it with anyone
I let them find out for themselves
They often don’t
So I can keep my secrets in the amethyst cave
The one that was built just for me
The one they’ll bury me in, in my grave

A lifted, matte black four-by-four driving right over me
Peeling all the smoked cigarettes straight out of yours truly,
I know I look petite, look small, look sweet
But there’s something hidden inside of me that’s so unruly
I am not scared of it – how could I be?
It’s part of me
I don’t think you should be either
George fixed my truck, and he made it real nice
But he drove it over and over straight over me
On a cold, hard, self-manufactured repeat

Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)

A large onyx black pickup truck that came with flowers
Baby’s Breath and off-road excellence
Bellflower Blvd is where the finish line is
It’s the name of my dog that I miss like I do Heaven’s remorse
And I can get some quick gains if I gamble right
But I always miss the mark on purpose
Climbing into rabbit holes just to see what’s inside,
If I wasn’t who I am, I’d have so many reasons to hide

Cos I’m tough in the way only a rose bush can be
I see the way that strangers look at me
And I don’t mind if I have to be the only one to believe
In what I am capable of being,
A fruit tree in the middle of nowhere
Pomelos left on the side of the road
That someone was selling but
Forgot about

Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)

The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t know why I’m crying about this song.
The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t care why I’m crying to this song
They don’t know why I’m crying about this song
The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t know
It’s Bellflower Blvd

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Poem: Coming home

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Poem: Coming home

My angel of all angels
I look for you everywhere
One jagged footstep after another
Saw so much of myself in you
Wanted to keep you safe
Shield you from the venomous, foggy skies

One pebble that forms an entire ocean
I’m enjoying the alone time
But I think of you constantly
(How could I not?)
At the edge of my lavender & velvet bed
Gorgeous brown eyes
A diameter so perfect it could bring me to tears

Fascinated by police sirens,
A villain that’s scared of nothing
In love with the sheer chaos of vitality, as am I
To be young and to grow old
Never do what you’re told
Watch television with me as the evening unfolds
Real perfection encapsulated, one single moment
Your brown eyes on repeat every single day

Us walking around the Windy City
You – looking so pretty
Me hopelessly attached to the fibers within you
A skeleton I
Sought to preserve
So I could run my fingers along your delicate spine
Happy

Lost dog
Posters of you everywhere
(In my mind)
Trying to figure out where it is, you went
Thinking whether and to what extent God was involved
It’s been three months, and it feels like you just left
I swear I can still feel you right there.

You were that vicious one on the street
Didn’t accept anyone else’s morals as your own
When you were with me,
Our worlds would never collide.
Felt like a perfect unison of all the good and evil in this world.
And I loved that about you
How you kept my secrets in a safe place
Somewhere nobody has been able to find

I take the exit to Bellflower Boulevard
I see you all over the place
Can you see me driving in the night?
Can you see me driving like I’m coming home to you?

Coming home to you
Can you see me coming home to you?
Wrapped up in my memories of you
Do you wonder where I am, too?

Lost dog
I tell God
Breathe the life into me that you took out of her.
I think I’ve seen and felt it all
I’m ready for you to come home
I’m ready for you to come home
My angel
My angel
My angel
My angel

Come home
Your brown eyes on repeat
Every single day

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Poem: June lullaby

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Poem: June lullaby

Your eyes started to sink
Melt into the sky
And I could feel my heart
Contract and deflate
In one single rhythm

I’ve become your divine
Your little trinket, your device
Would you feed on my bare ribs straight
Out of my chest
My blessing to you
I bow down and say
Any piece of me is forever occupied

Maybe that’s all there is to this life
I think that I have finally tasted it all
If you could give me one last breath
I’ll save it for myself

Like a blanket
I’ll cover you
I’ll hide you from vapid, rapid snowstorms
Give you rain boots for muddy water
Comfort you, always
Forget you, never
Let my love be just one of the multitude of things you know about this world

June is the month
Of strawberries
Baby’s first words
Holding you tight

One last breath
To keep for myself
I’ll save it until I most need it, which right now isn’t the right time

When I next see you
Because, I will see you
If Heaven still owes me that grace
In return for the ones sent there that knew me well

I’ll keep you
For myself
Feed on your rib cage
Trace your little steps

June was so cruel to me

By: Elle Silvestrov

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

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Poem: On the balcony (Merry Christmas)

I thought about how you didn’t say Merry Christmas
Even though it’s my most favourite of holidays
I thought of all the rainy dates
The sombre, cold Saturdays
Square cross-sections of apple-green pyroxene
Hand over my mouth while I scream
The antagonism of adenosine by caffeine
The nights of unconditional pain
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain
I thought of you as my John Wayne
Only my devotion remained the same

Daffodils paint your iridescent smile
I always try to get you to stay for a longer while
I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

I nailed death decrepit, got it in centuries-old buildings
You throw away all the invitations to friends’ weddings
I’d love to meet your family
I’d love to meet your friends
I’d love to meet anybody that admires the time you spend
Fixing up daisies
Mowing the lawn
You softened my view of right and wrong
You made me too vague to quite belong

Falling out of love with someone you’ve loved for so long
Sounds an awful lot like an unfamiliar song

But I’m learning the chords
Your vinyl collection, of course
You want me to play housewife and do all your chores
But with my pale blonde hair you still manage to get bored
The hollowness in my eyes has become an eyesore
So when I look directly at you, you just choose to ignore
And I wait at the docks, my knees up to the shore
If I asked you for freedom, you couldn’t give me any more
Spoke to me like a virgin
Told the world I was a whore

I could leave tomorrow
You wouldn’t say goodbye
It was my absolute most favourite holiday
And you must have forgotten that brilliant thing you had to say
My friends keep saying this time I need to stay away
No more watering the garden
No more child-like play
Find me reminiscing in your spot in the doorway
Nostalgia too much to bear
Your petit-mal seizure stare
I’m not quite there
But I’m almost halfway

I molded you into a diamond
You decayed that way
Now you’re so lost in thought that you’re digging your own grave
I’m upset my soft face can’t bring you back
Been trying to determine what it is I lack
It’s so sad to see you so worn out like that
My words are so useless, coated in coal-black
You’re so sober when you drink your cognac
I keep thinking of this one hazy flashback

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me

I’m not who you’re looking for, but I’m trying
The roses I buy myself are perpetually dying
If you bought them for me, they’d stay alive
They’d put their hands on my shoulders when they’d come on by
I’d never have to come up with a reason why
When you’re faithful and in love
There’s no reason to lie

You only see black & white but I’m lilac
You only see in me all the things I lack
A heroin dream that begins and ends with black

I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back

It’s you and me on the balcony
But this time you’re in love with me
I know I said forever, but I’m not coming back
But this time you’re in love with me

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Poem: 3 in the morning (God loves you)

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Poem: 3 in the morning (God loves you)

Sometimes at night
I think of you
(I’m lying – I always think of you)
There’s nothing else I’d rather do
It’s the bittersweet sting of being hopelessly enamored with you

The more you want it, the farther away it becomes
You stay up late and say you’ll sleep next to the sun
He says he’s running late, but he never does come
That’s the sad truth about not being the only one
I twirl my hair
I spin around
I choke so hard I fall to the ground
And if you calculated my efforts, I’d pay by the pound
I’m lost in abysmal and undulating surround sound

He put black padding on the walls to keep the voices quiet
Asked me what my favourite wine was and said that he’d buy it
Passed me angel dust, but I said I won’t try it
This time I’m not lying
It hurts more to keep trying
Don’t blame it on timing
If I am dust, you are worn out leather from a cow that loved to live and breathe fresh air
You ran your fingers through my soft, blonde hair
I knew you were unaware
You had me right there
You had me

Boys have short attention spans, so I’m working on making my poems shorter
As if a somber gaze doesn’t scratch at the envelope
As if the disposable cardboard coaster I kept from the bar we went to last year isn’t practically at its wit end
But I stare at it at night and I like to pretend
That you and I will never end
(You spin me round and round, you scream, you bend)
I only liked when you were drinking
Because you never stopped talking
And I could listen to your words for endless summer days

I’m watching my step
I’m too sharp for this town
I reached the vault of heaven, but you pushed me back down
And every time I walk away from you, I turn right back around
You’re the most beautiful thing that I have ever found

And if you want me, please tell me
That’s all that I ask
Because I don’t know how much longer
I can contain this chaotic energy, it’s only a setback
It pays for my grave
Collects debt at the tollbooth
Serves me a clean slate I can’t afford and makes it taste like dry vermouth
A botanical celestial atmosphere where there was you and I appeared and you said come here, baby girl, my doe-eyed dear
Please, my angel, don’t you ever disappear

I say never
Won’t do it
I’ll always be here

But you’re so distant from me that my words sound unclear
And the walls are blurry and they’re bleeding red
And I bought pink satin sheets for my queen-sized bed
And I wait every night for you to come fall sleep
But if your love cuts my skin, it doesn’t go very deep
If your flaws were secrets, they’d be mine to keep
And I replay your laugh in my mind on fucking repeat

I know only one thing that’ll make me complete
But if it’s me against her, I’m too weak to compete
I am a glacier dissolving in sunburns and aggressive summer heat
But I still thank God because he arranged for us to meet
I know it as much as I love the window seat
But I see you and her, so I make a spreadsheet
Of all the ways this is going to kill me
Please stop, only you can heal me
I need you like candy
I crave all of you
I know that my hopes are too good to be true
So I lay on the concrete, I only see in ocean-blue

I scream at God for letting me fall in love with you
It’s 3 in the morning
There’s nothing else to do

© Elle Silvestrov

I only liked when you were drinking
Because you never stopped talking
And I could listen to your words for endless summer days

Poem: 3 in the morning (God loves you)

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