Category: Blues

Poem: Anhedonia & daffodils

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I don’t want to write all of these really dark things
It’s just what the anhedonia and isolation brings
I want to be with the daffodils
I want to cry from laughter
I want to bear children
I want to be graceful & filled with poise
But the things that bother me are making so much noise

Glendale Blvd and Union Ave
I read a nice greeting card and thought of you
But you didn’t like my personalized gift
It took weeks to produce
I’m wandering through the aisles of the grocery store picking up fruit
Putting it in my basket to look like I embrace my womanhood
Like my mother thinks I should

Alameda avenue
I’ll walk all over you
Two cigarettes in my hand as I’m walking to Grand
I want to observe the skyscrapers at night
The people that work late
The buildings that keep their lights on
Sometimes the poems I write for you, I sing like a song
I get to thinking that I wish we could just get along
I wish we could just get along

Hoping the rain comes soon so it can hold me
How come when you found out you never told me
I look like I’m texting, but I’m really writing a prologue
To a film I want to make in a silver-blue nightgown
Baby, how do I make that sound

I want to be beautiful in their eyes
But when I’m not, it’s no surprise
I sometimes wonder if I’d prefer the lies
I’d reach out and touch them through their disguise

Come down to downtown with me to find the daffodils
Understand that I’m an addict when I take my pills
Honey, I’m just trying
Honey, I’m just trying
Honey

I’m just trying

Poem: Surface tension (poolside dreams)

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I saw the skinniest girls at the pool today
They were all bone, with graceful flat stomachs
I started to hate myself again
And I considered if
Maybe I was going too far
Maybe they have scars to hide too
But I traced their gentle bodies with my disturbing eyes
And I couldn’t find a somber disguise
Or any evidence that they hate themselves too

Maybe I didn’t look deep enough
What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath

I toss and turn wildly in my bedsheets
And maybe the spaces of my ribs and the lights in-between
No longer shine, no longer gleam
I look dirty even when I’m entirely clean
I try to smile, but I can’t hold back that I’m so, so mean

They splashed each other while in the water
I knew if I smiled I’d only bother
But maybe they were growing sick of each other
At that point, I’d be a newfound lover
But when it rains it decays what’s left of me
I only feel blissful when I’m swimming in the sea (I feel like it’s a part of me)
I am opalescent in matters of blue
Your favourite shades of Hunter green
Writing poetry with a ruptured spleen
I miss being a fragile and innocent young teen
Didn’t stop you from touching me

Didn’t stop you from touching me
You claimed that you were teaching me
But my skin turned dark like you were leaching me
I’d have the strongest, most bizarre of nightmares
Wake up sweating, alone, and scared
A modest, timid girl
Too small to be bared
You dragged my body up the crystallized stairs

What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath
When the gun started firing, the bed I hid beneath
Is it always as rosy as the daydream makes it seem?
My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene

My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene

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Poem: Elysian space dust IPA

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Peony photograph by Elle ©

Poem: Fading, gracefully

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Poem: Fading, gracefully

My passion is in my work but sometimes it fades
I dress up, I’m ready, to have the most perfect of days
Something charcoal and black gets in my way

A peaceful slumber, I’ve rested
Breakfast is toast
Licking jam off my fingers
The scent of your cologne
I have nothing to do today but write, write, write

Born an academic
I found my love on the field
Pointing straight at my target– focus and press
Down on the trigger, life’s a sweet mess
Baby, we eventually do our best

He said my name sounds expensive

He said my name sounds expensive
Like a luxurious bath
Candles and Ella Fitzgerald in the back
I’m curious about my own tastes
I’m establishing a new state of rebuilding an identity that I lost when we broke off the engagement
Led to a crisp stalemate
And what it necessitates
Is a return to sensuality and glamour
Floral dresses because flowers are part of my soul even though I don’t believe in humanistic psychology
However,
I do like what the existentialists posed
I’m no longer scared to see of what dust I am composed
I stay asleep on such a heavy dose

The rain falls like sugar into a small child’s fragile hands

You shouldn’t be scared of me either
When it rains I’m like in the garden of Eden
You and me, we’re on the same page, something is even
But when I’m alone
I rip out the pages, shivering down to my bones
I let the call ring then hang up the telephone
No service in my castle, but I’m in my zone
Wait for the beat to drop
Babe you’re acting so nonchalant
It’s okay, it’s enough, it’s time to stop
The beautiful rainfall begins to drop
It shimmers
Across my spine

Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy
Move my arms up like I’m soaking already
Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy
Move my arms down like I’m dead already

Move my arms down like I’m dead already

Nothing like Chicago rainfall


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Poem: Soft like thunder

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Poem: Soft like thunder

His parents were well-to-do
He grew up on sailboats and river rafts
When he got older they turned into yachts
The sea was like venom to him, it pulled me in
Like the sweetest smelling flower at the end of the block
The rose
Morose
Lying-on bleached towels warm from the dryer
Didn’t put out your cigarette and started a fire
I saw you make mistakes, found out you were a liar
And I didn’t do nothing ’bout it
I did nothing at all
You stand in front of me– so handsome, so tall
I feel so small 

Pretty
Ash blonde hair
Pink ribbon hanging from my ponytail
You said the waves are good so we’ll go out and sail
Meet you at the car, I’ll go check the mail
Bounty hunter
Soft like thunder
Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills
I got the vaccine and secretly hoped I’d fall ill
Would you take care of me?
Bring me chamomile tea?
Fresh white roses for the center of the room

Centerpiece
Sharp like teeth
Glass shards in the basement

Learn to swim so you don’t drown in the sea
Learn to swim so you don’t drown in the sea
Learn to swim so you don’t drown in the sea

A hummingbird crawls on my windowsill
Little feet, tiny movements, intricate & fleeting
Like when we scored some angel & fell down from the ceiling
An upside-down world for the criminally insane
Blue hydrangeas
Marbles
Stone cold carpet, free of debris
You’re ironing your pants
I come up, give you a little dance
But this isn’t romance
Nor a reprisal
The last day
Wonder if you’ll even remember my last name
Before I reach fame
(You never asked)
Heart attack
Trade you gold for some hard-hitting smack

Birthday cake
Little girl
Swooning with the daffodils
Is it crazy to be a cranberry in this awful, wet wilderness
Does anything I say make any sense?
I meant to be who I was, in the past tense

Mercedes benz, honey no you didn’t
Been dreaming for this day for months, for years
You say get in, I insist on it
I glow like a candle
I’m sharp like shears
Cruel and uncoordinated, overdosing on fears
If that’s your dream life
My gentle self as your wife
The tide rushes in
The tide rushes back

Little feet, tiny movements, intricate & feeling
Hold you with my all, hear your cold heart beating
These are my plans this evening

An upside-down world for the criminally insane
I bet you one hundred you don’t know my last name
Stay quiet, breathe slow, this shouldn’t be much pain
Smooth
Quick
Needles, veins
Taking advantage

Taking advantage or being taken advantage of
Taking advantage or being taken advantage of

If that’s your dream life, my gentle self as your wife

Little feet, tiny movements, intricate & fleeting
Alone on the floor, that’s where I fall apart this evening
Don’t wake me, I’m sleeping
Don’t wake me, I’m –