Dear God, I hope I find you

Dissonance and atonality

The exploitation of the poor
Corrupt bourgeois world
Expose a naive sentiment that I had
Never mind
Contemporary jazz
Classical music
A 12-tone scale causing near riots with its subject matter
I believe in this country
I believe in running away
I believe in the promise of escape

Contact

My heart’s not broken

I’m starting my own revolution
I told you already!
By hiding underneath my pillow and my pink and grey blankets
So annoyed when people spell it gray
Some words are
Intended for purely practical ends
Not film
Not photography captions
Not instagram stories
Disquietude
Dear god I hope I find you
You’re missing in places I didn’t know were part of me
My heart’s not broken I’m just wired to see
The bad things you think about me

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I just wanted your attention

If I was a feline
I’d prance on top of your work desk
And mess all of your papers up
Wagging my tail like I don’t even know who you are
Or how much this deliberate organizational chaos means to you
I’d knock your desktop computer over
To me, what is it?
Every object is some type of toy
2-3 sugars, you decide, 1-1.5 inches of soy
That’s my degree-holding original barista boy

I just wanted your attention
Is it sad to admit that?
Like I’m writing in dingbats
I have things to say!
Let me have my way!
I’ll rescind to that

Never let me have my caveats
And I’m at fault for that
Learned my lessons tit for tat

But the world doesn’t turn like that
I’ve got to wake myself up
Splash water in my face
Get a real fucking taste
For what’s to come

For what’s to come
Cross my hearts, subtract my sum
I’m an American alumn
I’m the worst that’s to come

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Lilac Dove 

My lithium level is too high
I downloaded an app that helps me see the night sky
I bike on the trail by the river
I’m hesitant to ride next to cars
I’m a baby, but I just know how impulsive I can be
If I was in Chicago, I’d traverse the entire city
Flirt with cashiers to get free coffee
Who am I trying to be

Radiohead on rainy days
Trying to not revert to my old ways
It’s a gamble
How I want him
Unstable
As a matter of fact
One of those things that won’t happen
But at least I like someone sane
Upgrade to first class
She went to the doctor; they found a mass
I come home and it’s home at last

I’m skeptical towards new things
I thought about packing up all my belongings
My diamond ring
I never thought about selling it
It never crossed my mind
Those were beautiful times
It’s winter now and I’m getting by
Cold coffee
Touching the pot when it’s warm
Closure doesn’t exist, stop calling me
Listen to voicemails when I’m sad
I wish there were some from my late dad
I wish he could be someone’s father-in-law
Wedding traditions

Here’s your prescription
Three times a day
I’m the girl with the fortitude
I miss the feeling of being understood
Nothing better than listening to the Neighbourhood
Makes any day tolerable
Who in your life makes you feel vulnerable?
For a while I was untouchable

I’ve got a penchant for listening to music in the shower
I watch the sunrise, I’m awake at that hour
I’m glad we’re not together because he’s such a coward
Perfectly fine with abusing his power
Moving on is hard, I admit
That’s just the reality of it

Doing things for yourself
To escape
Decorating
A cassette tape
Glitter and blue ink
Life is best immersed in pink
I’m stable, what do you think?

No, tell me
What do you think?

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