I’m going to write a short poem for you Because your attention span in regard to me is dim, like my light Like species survival in the afternoons by the Caribbean seas Like a sunset that I swallowed because I was hungry and cold How you lit me a half-broken cigarette, said I was engaging and bold You shined your white teeth and like heaven I was sold
I took a section of your brain to look for “Fos” proteins to see which neurons were active And I saw a glimpse of you and me on the playground You were wearing blue jeans Grass stains and all I was wearing a pink gown like I was dressed for the ball We were talking about being together and having it all The wind blew I got cold You cradled me like a baby Asked me to move in with you, I said screw you, maybe I was so happy I gleamed Loyal like a preteen So high on amphetamines You kissed me on Seafoam boulevard, amongst the serene By the ocean, strawberry cream lotion Patches of snow, circles of rainfall I’m in love with how you’re seventy-four inches tall You call me graceful, for I’m patient and small Call me once, just one phone call
Arachnoid hematomas So thin you could see through my veins Put me on the back of your bike, make me hold you real tight Heaven shines in my eyes, it’s fluorescent and bright White cerebral wave light The stars and the apocalyptic tides The places where my sensitivities hide
In your harsh but kind gaze I reside, and I don’t know why, I don’t know why
I wanted to write you a short poem Because I can’t forget how much you mean to me So I put words together, loosely, and tied them with a silver string I asked you to light me up in the dark But your attention span in regard to me is dim Like my light
Respect My angel baby, my love for you Your honeycomb, bittersweet elegance Pink nail polish on the highest shelf With you, I’m my best self Rest assured I’m in good health All for the commonwealth I have a thousand secrets I’m refusing to tell But if you captivate me enough, entrance me into a maybe, lure me into your consensual cave where we can reminisce about our funniest, most awful, of heartbreaks For the moment’s sake I’m crystal-made I’m dissolving in tangents made up from aptitude I’m L-Dopa converting to dopamine Transfusing to you my sweet nectar of the gods (hey, I love how that collar looks on you) Hey, I love how that sweater looks on you And if I wore one just like it Interlaced your arm with mine Would we be simply divine? Would we look intertwined? Would your heart, at the end of the night, be mine?
I’m silly I’m running away from you In the whitest of the white lace and tulle A skirt so pretty it makes boys hurt I’m not a pacifist, I’m quite the ignorant jerk I repel people like diamonds in tunnel vision I’m sparkly and iridescent, but they say I’m pitch black They don’t know me like that Don’t know I can be precious Don’t know I can be sweet Hot and heavy, sharp on my feet Lose myself in the summer heat I find myself when I choose not to cheat I’m nobody’s mistake but my own Crescent moon devour me still Hold me until I’m candlelit On fire, rupture, rapture, hold me, capture I’m quite the disaster But if you were to look away…
You’d never I’d beg you Surrender your hopes and dreams to my castle of what could’ve been and what was once was that is no more I found you in a cave, you were mine, I found you! You didn’t behave on your own! You had to be tamed! Was it foolish of me to pick up where we left off? You glanced at me, took a sip of whiskey and scoffed I don’t like how you look with that cup in your hand I’d rather find you at the DMV, Tolstoy’s narrative in your hand You’re so good at being grand And when I’ll be queen I’ll demand To share this bittersweet, homely, wholehearted world with you Never shelter you Always unsettle you Make you divide by two Alongside me in front of Lake Michigan, that’s a dream too sweet for me to save in my neural space You always said I had the most perfect, soft face But you couldn’t keep up with my vapid pace
I’ll outrun you in marathons, I’ll sprint past you in daydreams I went to five stores to find a wedding dress that I ended up being unhappy with So we canceled our plans Were unsure of where we could stand See each other in impure reality or dissolve into volatile pieces of sand I’ll take you by the hand Push you into the ocean, make you suffer some more Until you’re practically begging me to take you to shore But I’m not done yet, I haven’t even gotten to the gore When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure
Fly me to Paris, I’ll take you on a tour Of the rose gardens, I wanted to become your bride in Of wife and of man I’m laying in the sand Drew a heart in the dirt, cobblestone made me hurt You wouldn’t say a word
When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure When you were in love with me, you were pure
Now nothing I wear makes me pretty I’m shaking, trembling, and fidgety This is what the anxiety does to me
You were Stained black and I couldn’t Differentiate up from down You closed in on me like atmospheric surround sound And when you asked what I wanted to do, I didn’t lie, I said I wish I would drown
You used to tell me I was prettiest in the bathtub.
They say, why are you this way I don’t get it Why can’t you change your ways? And in response to my long-overdue dismay, I smile A bit A tad A cinch Enough to make you spontaneously disappear From my mind That’s clear Ocean water flowing over here A water goddess thick with cement and tears to spill Over-emotional until Over-sacrimonious until The water in the faucet gets swallowed up by the drain And I lie beside my bedroom window, staring fondly at the rain The pain, the aches, the pain To my dismay I’m born again today
We missed you last winter And the three winters before that You disappeared at the drop of a hat A raccoon, a skunk, a snake, and a bat Can I have my healthy father back?
You disappeared until The cockroaches, in vast numbers, grew taller and taller I prayed and I wished to get smaller and smaller I knew by December that you weren’t coming back I knew in April how to rehabilitate a heart attack But it wasn’t yours upon which to act And I wasn’t getting you back It hit hard and felt sad and drove me straight into the deep Underneath where I’m found now Thick layers thus far I seep And everybody around me weeps
I unfolded and turned out to be obsolete I’m not particularly pretty, but I’m sharp on my feet In battle, I know the right point to retreat I’ll take the heat Swallow it up I’m shallow, but in ways you’ll come to adore Me, untangled – me, free Me – hopelessly, irrevocably Come see me Stay by my side and wait Don’t grow impatient, stay Watch my most beautiful act of decay And disappearance From the trenches Last that you hear I’m over the fence And gone with the wind I’m tired of the things everybody does to each other here
Holding a picture of my father in battle, in war Until God forced out his last breath Heaven-sent I’m shallow, but in ways you’ll come to adore But shallow waters weren’t what he had in store Crimson blood galore
Save me before I keep on breathing Save me, these people keep on leaving
I saw the skinniest girls at the pool today They were all bone, with graceful flat stomachs I started to hate myself again And I considered if Maybe I was going too far Maybe they have scars to hide too But I traced their gentle bodies with my disturbing eyes And I couldn’t find a somber disguise Or any evidence that they hate themselves too
Maybe I didn’t look deep enough What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath
I toss and turn wildly in my bedsheets And maybe the spaces of my ribs and the lights in-between No longer shine, no longer gleam I look dirty even when I’m entirely clean I try to smile, but I can’t hold back that I’m so, so mean
They splashed each other while in the water I knew if I smiled I’d only bother But maybe they were growing sick of each other At that point, I’d be a newfound lover But when it rains it decays what’s left of me I only feel blissful when I’m swimming in the sea (I feel like it’s a part of me) I am opalescent in matters of blue Your favourite shades of Hunter green Writing poetry with a ruptured spleen I miss being a fragile and innocent young teen Didn’t stop you from touching me
Didn’t stop you from touching me You claimed that you were teaching me But my skin turned dark like you were leaching me I’d have the strongest, most bizarre of nightmares Wake up sweating, alone, and scared A modest, timid girl Too small to be bared You dragged my body up the crystallized stairs
What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath When the gun started firing, the bed I hid beneath Is it always as rosy as the daydream makes it seem? My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene
Out of all my vices Got no more cigarettes Marriage is a stretch, it’s far-fetched A violent vehemence That I got caught in because he said I was one of his regrets One of his regrets I’d protest to that Absence of evidence
I’m a humble girl, I’m real cool Catch me doing laps in the swimming pool I objectify God; in all his heavens I rule I’m not what you’re used to But as strange as this fancy, rugged life turns out to be I have a strange sense I won’t make it past thirty What’s not to be is not meant to be Coca Cola and vanilla ice cream in the evenings Different rituals for different seasons A stray cat, got loose, we’ll make it even I lay back, underneath the sun, I’m gleaming Strangers make strange choices for strange reasons
♥ Strangers make strange choices for strange reasons ♥
♥ I’m bored to death and my glamour is fading ♥
I’m bored to death and my glamour is fading With every cheap trick you try I glance out the window, months just fly by My ego’s even on the same page, telling me to get rid of you It’s like taking out the trash One long-winded heroin crash I pour myself a warm bath Collapse Small movements Trembling Hands around my knees, hold them close to me Like when I held your hand, and my heart felt safe You were looking real nice for what was a blind date Cigarettes into ash, swear I thought it was fate The way your fingers interlaced my wire front gate Never over five minutes late
I’m made of caramel syrup & mocha drizzle You taste it, you want more, I only give you a little I’m fairly humble in my opinion You’ll be home any minute And I can’t wait until you get home and see my stuff is all packed I’m going back to the city where we stayed on track Listening to White Mustang on replay, back to back Lana’s the only one to bring me joy I know you’re starting to sweat, you’re feeling paranoid It previously hadn’t occured to you that I’m someone you enjoy The glisten on the shine of my watermelon nail polish The sparkles of pink and white of my carefully creased eye shadow I’m not meant for this household Realistically it should only occupy one man Quite frankly I don’t care if you do or you do not understand We’re crumbling like an avalanche I’m coughing up sand
I stayed in your company because God, I love snow I love champagne and wearing conservative dresses to the company engagements you’d invite me too ’till one day I caught your gaze, you looked oh so blue Like the fakeness of it all finally got through to you You realized you weren’t capable of loving a doll like me Little bumble bee Awfully cruel, brutal honesty
Out of all my vices Got no cigarettes I remember when you said I would become your favourite regret You used to say I was heaven-sent You remember that agreement we made behind a peach sunset? First one to leave gets custody
I’m packed I’m through I give you a note “First one to leave gets custody”
