He decided impromptu to get away for the weekend I couldn’t even call him up Kept my sentiments busy with the peonies, the sword ferns, the garden, Difficult to look in the driveway & not see that matte-black, lifted truck
The cold, crescent, fever dream blues that surrounded me I allowed them to peer into my skin My delicate green veins from my light beige skin tone I tried to catch him on the telephone Though, I had no indication of where to begin.
I almost loved him, I think Did say it by unintentionally a few times Was I so wrong to confuse distance with association I believe I was right – though I still paid the fine
And now truly, with all his irresolute conviction He tells me he wants to be together Well, boy do I have news for a man of your cadence The thought requires me to hold on to one or four of your sweaters
I’m falling somewhere, but I don’t know where Look down from the sky & I really don’t care I’m falling somewhere, but I really don’t care He’ll say it back to me when he’s least aware
I believe I was right I paid the fine I believe I was correct Wrong place, right time
Cherry trees only grow in certain seasons People do what they do for their own reasons I am porcelain and snow and almond sweet But I’d die in a living-room suite
Knowing that peonies only bloom in late spring to early summer Exact timing depends on variety, location, and climate Cherries come in season in late spring to early summer So for now, I’ll just be quiet
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It was on purpose It wasn’t a mistake I got Frostbite From choking on splinters Peeling them like grapes
Thin as a needle You make it seem easy The ploughing is destroying the peyote And I have created a party for you, the reason for my demise I’ve been so intrigued ever since you rolled down the window for me to feel the breeze
You will always have the medicine with you Wherever you go
Poem: Choking on Grapes, continued
In Texas, I felt free because the gas was cheap, and I had salt in my Teeth Washing my brand-new blue jeans Wheat fields and a can of cola, riding in the bed of a truck looking over my shoulder Tired of having nobody to say anything to I feel alone and even though I’m used to it I still have to shrug it off, it seems A fig tree standing for no one
Pharmacology is lovely & my favourite toothpaste is by Arm & Hammer I drive to the nearby Rite Aid, where I get a lottery ticket for my mother Mixing up my favourite numbers I never win, but she swears I’m so lucky I couldn’t spell it out right if you had the guts to call me The ravens in the sky figured out how to fly In ways that make girls and boys want to order cameras that run on film See a kid skateboard home and it’s like it’s 2008 And my hair is blonde A lavender bush smiling for no one
Poem: Choking on grapes, continued
Cut in half an apricot Can run for miles; dimes are all I got My backpack is lilac, because I want the items I own to be beautiful To represent a part of me that feels eternal Colour schemes and fever dreams I get lost Upside down Tangled in between two separate swings Lose and find my favourite things
It must have been on purpose It was no mistake Soft cotton Precious limestone Overflowing bookcase that survives California earthquakes Girls are selling their poetry on Instagram and I’m
Still broke Choking on splinters Peeling them like grapes
Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the SoundCloud portion.
I’m working on a new email newsletter for post updates. xx
Love poem: Tired surprise
I want someone to unwind me Unravel me & cover me back up with ivory satin Lying on your bed while we listen to electric guitar Devour me on purpose Taste my flesh Get away with murder in a hospital bed
I want to be Your lightning and your fire But calm like a river bed Give to you what your parents never did Be like the cool buzz from half a can of beer Charming, light, open you up to the silliness of life That I hope you see too, and when we come together We can make diamonds come alive Spoon-feed cherry blossoms their evening supper Truly, and I mean truly Care for one another
I’m a swan in the water, I’m a storm when I drive Hands clasped behind his back He doesn’t want to keep talking about this But I do You have to choose somebody that accepts every part of you For someone who’s often misunderstood Such will take a long time I close my eyes and think of how long I’ll be on this ride Then glance in the mirror, see the twinkle in my eyes I could be someone’s most beautiful surprise
Calm like a river bed Charming and light Not afraid of the deep end, the stones with colours that have never been named I don’t want to feel ashamed Of the space I occupy The words that come out when I haven’t thought carefully enough I don’t want to be ashamed Of the person I adore when it’s just me in my room I told you, I’m forever in bloom Vacate the room if that’s not cool with you
Sleeping soundly and not wanting to be disturbed He doesn’t want to keep talking about this But I do I do Thinking about the things that seem to only have meaning for you It’s exhausting Time is fragile A car’s despairing exhaust The first of December’s crystals of frost
My angel of all angels I look for you everywhere One jagged footstep after another Saw so much of myself in you Wanted to keep you safe Shield you from the venomous, foggy skies
One pebble that forms an entire ocean I’m enjoying the alone time But I think of you constantly (How could I not?) At the edge of my lavender & velvet bed Gorgeous brown eyes A diameter so perfect it could bring me to tears
Fascinated by police sirens, A villain that’s scared of nothing In love with the sheer chaos of vitality, as am I To be young and to grow old Never do what you’re told Watch television with me as the evening unfolds Real perfection encapsulated, one single moment Your brown eyes on repeat every single day
Us walking around the Windy City You – looking so pretty Me hopelessly attached to the fibers within you A skeleton I Sought to preserve So I could run my fingers along your delicate spine Happy
Lost dog Posters of you everywhere (In my mind) Trying to figure out where it is, you went Thinking whether and to what extent God was involved It’s been three months, and it feels like you just left I swear I can still feel you right there.
You were that vicious one on the street Didn’t accept anyone else’s morals as your own When you were with me, Our worlds would never collide. Felt like a perfect unison of all the good and evil in this world. And I loved that about you How you kept my secrets in a safe place Somewhere nobody has been able to find
I take the exit to Bellflower Boulevard I see you all over the place Can you see me driving in the night? Can you see me driving like I’m coming home to you?
Coming home to you Can you see me coming home to you? Wrapped up in my memories of you Do you wonder where I am, too?
Lost dog I tell God Breathe the life into me that you took out of her. I think I’ve seen and felt it all I’m ready for you to come home I’m ready for you to come home My angel My angel My angel My angel
Come home Your brown eyes on repeat Every single day
I’m a very kind and gracious girl If you let me, I will give you the world But as the brutality of this world continues to unfold My mirror’s edge is veiled, my patience can’t be sold
Give me your garden Make everything quiet I swear I’m prettiest when I’m not lying I won’t give up hoping, I won’t stop trying But it would be a piece of fiction to say I don’t dream of dying
You’re laughing at me My blonde hair blows in the breeze I will prevail, even though they’re dead-set on bringing long-lasting harm to me I see through the trees When I run, you freeze Collapsing in child’s fables isn’t only for the weak Take me with you I want to know what God knows Don’t be scared of the nighttime In the darkest hours, I’m most composed
The more you grow up, the smarter you think you are But in the same circumstances, you always lose yourself I collect hard-cover books of flowers & death spells I know all the wonderful roses by their first and last names I play with my sanity like it’s my favourite win-or-lose game You were always so harsh But me? Oh, so tame Didn’t know how to respond to all the accusations and shame I hate you, I love you It all sounded the same
I’ve decided to take my most loved photo of us down from my shelf I thought it proved we were real The space between you and myself But my mitral valve is still broken, so I can’t afford to inconvenience oneself Though our smiles were true You said it yourself Never seen a girl look at you so warm and heartfelt It hurts now But it didn’t back then Those split seconds repeat in my mind, again and again You were my prince, my most handsome immunogen You said I stunned in my floral dress Dainty and parisienne
I know this frail body wasn’t exactly built to please I’m a young girl too – I have restraint, but I have needs My singleness of purpose is far too remote I tend to break up with boys by posting poems I wrote When I was at my most fragile, I asked you for a rose Your promises were painful because I never got those
But your perseverance to love me will be your best power I stay up wondering how to please you I only sleep a few hours Me at my most tired is me at my most sour How much more beautiful do I need to be, in order to receive a white flower? I’m sort of like a princess stuck at the crown of a tower My father’s hung flyers for the peasants and princes to form a line Some of them have courage Some barely have a spine The common denominator seems to be they’re all trying But if you said it’s to impress me, I’d say that you’re lying
Several days ago, I bought roses To make myself smile I didn’t change the water Just like me, they’re dying
Winters in Chicago were when I felt my most free The wind chill was so strong, I felt it belonged to me It didn’t matter that it was a lake, I still saw it as the sea All I remember are evenings at Argo Tea Feeling happy, just to be me
You must have composure, you must be determined I’m taking care of myself, I’m doing it on purpose The December chill confronts me with things I am sure of Like how spontaneously great heights can collapse Like how the disillusioned are most likely to relapse Like how I felt, true love was almost in my grasp
But as the fog on my window, it visited and then passed It disappeared just like that I’m trying not to react
I’m screaming into my pillow (I’m trying not to react) I’m folding laundry to feel productive (I’m scared of whom I’ll attract) I lied to everybody & said I was fine (I was so scared the whole time) I’m taking every analeptic (I write your name, strike it out with a line)
I picture me in your backyard, Picking grapes off the vine I cried the whole way home, driving past the coastline I thought I didn’t deserve beauty, God doesn’t want me on cloud nine So I hit up your number, Forgot you were atropine And now I’m having trouble sleeping because you aren’t my lifeline I tell you I need you! You say, maybe next time “I’ve got a girl here, she’s helping me escape my mind”
To some people, I’m gorgeous To you, I’m saccharine But everything I am, you will always undermine I’m not your chosen one Never your valentine
I’m the one that treads water Looking for reasons to be alive
If you were safety, you wouldn’t give me your hand You’d sail towards what suits you The palm trees, the sand
I would get tired Give up and drown You wouldn’t say sorry, because you wouldn’t be around
The water obscures my hearing The green-blue current is the only sound I wanted to be loved, the void was what I found But the ocean is my new bliss, so I fade into the background I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground
I would get tired Give up and drown You wouldn’t say sorry, you wouldn’t be around I’m five again, I’ve found my new playground The sea has become my chosen burial ground The green-blue current is the only sound
The void is what I felt, but true love is what I found
