Poem: Heroin dream (tears)

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You’re even sweeter than when I met you
What a bloody surprise
You’ve become my moonbeam
My perfect sunrise

You tell me secrets & I keep them
‘Cause I’m loyal like that
I’ve always got your back
Be right there on my bike at the drop of a hat
Haven’t you always wanted a girl like that?

I’m a skeptic of your likeness
You got me carried away
I’m dressing all fancy
Do you like me this way?
Will all the nice jewels get you to stay?
Crisp marmalade
Sunshine in the east
You made me unafraid
You made me so afraid, of what’s to come
And when I daydream before falling asleep
You’re the only one

And you’re reading this right now
Don’t even know it’s about you
Part of that makes me smile, part of that turns me blue
We’re careless on Tuesdays, that’s just what we do
Hit a gram or two
You trace my necklace with your fingertips
Kiss my little shoulder softly with your lips
Got me hung up on this

The drugs won’t work pretty soon, and we’ll fade out
You look so blank like you don’t know what I’m talking about
And then what happens when our families figure it out?

I was spoiled when I first met you, that I got to see your gorgeous face
And we were moving so fast – a dangerous, volatile pace
I wish you well forever
Always in your sweater
Rock me to sleep in this heroin dream

You’re even sweeter than when I met you
You’ve become my moonbeam
My perfect sunrise
And when I think about it
All I do is cry

And when I think about it
All I do is cry

Poem: Elysian space dust IPA

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Peony photograph by Elle ©

Poem: Cashmere phone calls

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Poem: Cashmere phone calls

Rest my body on ice water
A cream sky
Mitral valves
The appropriate method of saying goodbye
In particular
To someone who terrorized the heart strings of someone who said she wasn’t soft
I’m very soft
As you can imagine

I’m cashmere on a hazy day
I’m lazy, forgetful
Crisp like the leaves in the season of autumn
He was with her, I caught him
Kept having dreams where I shot him
The seasons change and I don’t carry cash
So I feel bad when the guys on the street ask for money
I can only offer cigarettes & lollipops
The cigarettes I’m stingy about
I said I’m running on empty; pretty soon I’ll burn out
Hit the harsh cement – fade out
I’m cashmere in my own way

I met a drummer who wrote me a song
But there were no lyrics involved
I started to sing what I thought
I must have forgot
A man that shows you a project he’s working on does not want you to change it in any fundamental way
It’s considered foul play
I just have a gift of making things better
And I cried all night, wearing your oversized sweater
I’ve got this thing for polyphonic letters
Soon it’ll be September
And I hope you’ll remember

To call

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Deep cherry like the water in your blood

distantcave1 Comment

Deep cherry like the water in your blood

I’m crimson again
Deep cherry
Go to Newport Beach to ride on the ferry
Pink-shaded sunglasses
All my gals with me
Celebrating the day I said goodbye

Got a Seven Peaks bicycle
I’m going to ride ’round the city
Pink lip gloss, so that I look pretty
For nobody in particular but me
Head to downtown LA
The bleakest alleys in the city
I like the sound of electric guitar, smoke some black tar
Jan Axel Blomberg is emailing me sound strips from hell
Contact lenses
Under suspension
I look real clean in court, it’s all pretension
Forgot to mention

I’m my own best advocate but my statements are bleak

In case I ever get scared
In case I ever get scared

I like burnet moths and swallowtail butterflies
I missed your last call
Why don’t you ever leave me voicemails?
To listen to for the nostalgia, after the relationship grows stale
Works without fail
Me and my friends are addicted to them vape pens
Fill the entire room with smoke
Screens for the serene
A fox’s tail

I love getting the mail
The walk down there is paved with a grey-brick road
Got a Taurus G2c to unload
In case I ever get scared
Fearful in the dark
Tuesdays we walk to the park
Kel-Tec PMR-30 in the back
It’s okay to start and stop as long as you start again
It’s okay to be scared and then brave as long as you pretend

I’m not happy with my appearance
Some days I wish I was more fearless
The front entrance gate to your loft has stone gargoyles and your bed has satin sheets
Your bath curtain is a pattern of ducks that always makes me smile
This isn’t a love poem
I just wanted to say
The days that I see you, those are the good days
The rest is decay

Stone gargoyles & satin sheets

My skin color is grey
Because I’m not motivated enough to change how I’m living
But I’m reading the books that the older people do
And I ride my bike four in the morning ’till two
And I clean up real nice after I’m covered in dirt
I say mean words that make others hurt
Defense mechanisms we’ve learnt

I say this not because I’m proud but because I want you to know
Knowing me is not something I let a lot of people do
So when you hug me goodbye give me fourteen reasons why
Sticking along with you is good for the ride
I’ve fallen behind
Lost trace of myself
How can you learn anything new if you only read the books on your own bookshelf?

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Biking and good friends will bring me back to good health
If that’s a place I want for myself

I’m crimson again
Deep cherry trees
Hot in the sunshine like fresh, cold wine
Renovating myself in the summertime
I’ll be just fine

Like fresh, cold wine
I’ll be just fine

Deep cherry trees
I’m crimson again
With hot blood venom

Nothing beautiful ever lasts

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Nothing beautiful ever lasts

(venom like frostbite on a Sunday morning)


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My gal pal and I were feeling the hot July mist as we dipped our carefully painted toes in the pool
Swaying our arms to make waves like hurricanes
Flowers blossomed
My best friend
She jokingly said that I’m holding out on love
Not letting anybody too close
Painful reminders of past ghosts
Motorcycles, some of those
I said I’m living like I’m practically comatose
I wake up, open the shades, want to close them back again and fall into a slumber so deep my manager starts calling since I didn’t show up for work
It’s just too much work
And I’m impatient
Stagnant in some ways
Although I am crisp, I say that in a daze
The sky turns ablaze
Hot fire surrounds us

She’s crying and her mascara drips down her rose cheeks
I don’t know what I did
But it’s always me doing something
I remind people of their painful pasts
I refresh their memory that nothing beautiful ever lasts
I put one in mind of the fact that every little time you think something’s good, something’s right
It never is
Your worries become his
And that’s hard to dismiss

I’m not evil
I think I’m not
But the last guy said he hopes my body will rot
I thought it was kind of funny, which sent him in shock
I told him again and again that I’m not quite his flavor
The poor boy, I was doing him a favor!
The January wind came to whisk me away
He locked the door, practically begged me to stay
But it wasn’t hard to walk away (search for new prey)
I’m like a ship that’s too in love with the waves
Goes the wrong way for days
Doesn’t realize there’s a dock waiting, that you don’t have to escape
My vision turns gold and then grey
Nothing beautiful stays
So I celebrate the decay
Am I better off that way?

Morning dew is my favourite
When roses blossom, I’m in heaven
I remember being young, timid, and seven
Pushing my fingers directly into thorns
Gave me a rush that went straight to my bones
I was so little! A young mind so awake
Until I started bleeding and I’d start to shake
Some people are poison, like the tinctures I make
I’m fake I’m fake I’m fake

For God’s sake (my sake and yours) 
Pass me a cider
White roses when you greet me
Try to make me smile
Soon we’ll be dead and no longer will you see me

So I celebrate the decay
Am I better off that way?



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