Love poem: Fine craftsmanship (prayers)

Love poem: Fine craftsmanship (prayers)

Wild sweet jasmine
To be your
Ruby red grapefruit, in the evenings
I created the end, and I made it into a new beginning
Cowboys on ranches far away
White carnations
Love letters – February through May
The bitter ruins of my golden but soft decay
My work is my turmoil, my kingdom is where I’ve come home to play
Twirl my hair around thorns, like the ocean
Softly sway
Hips in the distance
Grey fossils, treasured finds
A new day, a fresh surprise
My loving green eyes

Tan corduroy jacket
Your bitter resentment
Hollow times with crisp features
A medieval castle for which the chambers held me too tightly
At an uneven slant
A rug on the floor of rather ravishing woodwork
Fine craftsmanship
Estranged notices
French boutiques
Dolls, eerily
Arranged
In singular form
Entranced forever
When you say your prayers, who are you saying them to
Do you believe they can hear you?

John Wayne’s face engraved on a keychain I bought in a tiny town in Texas
The boys were awfully nice
They said the funniest things
I could imagine, I could imagine
Turning suddenly
Away from the shore
Hardly ever get bored
Always waiting for more
Deftones on megaphones
White leather cowboy boots, whatever fashion means to you
It means nothing to me; I’m so at peace in the wild country
I want to be smothered in everything
I want the most handsome boy in the entire world to come marry me

A sticker peeling off a cup, washed one too many times
I saw what you wrote in your letter
I thought you hinted at
Despondency
It was transparent
So fluid I almost didn’t have to read between the margins
You held your gaze low
I knew what you were about
I can ache but I can hardly shout
Not a day goes by where I don’t rearrange my doubts
And I may mean little to you, but that’s something to think about
The violent vehemence of what this rendition says in whispers to you, me
My small town
My spam risk
My desolate, brisk characteristics like islets of weakness and Beethoven
Beaming down the hallway
Fresh-faced, rosy
She’s so pretty, she’s so pretty, she’s so graceful & pretty
Mid-16th century dream queen

Am I reminiscent of anything that bores you to death
Amphitheaters of despair
Hold me
Unfold me
Run wild with me

Be forever unafraid with me

Who do you say your prayers to
Do you really believe they can hear you

Poem: Little baby bat (February)

Poem: Little baby bat (February)

And that’s all that he needs from her
Pretty gal in his Vans t-shirt
“Felt cute,” so I matched it with a plaid skirt
I didn’t think you’d notice; when you didn’t, it still hurt

To know that I
Am not
The important figurine my egotistical self deems me to be
If our destinations were predetermined,
I know you’d still find a way to hurt me on purpose
Was so confused, wondered why I was acting so nervous
Fell into a tar black trap trying to become perfect
I think to myself, was it worth it
If it’s me, you’ll always think less
Doesn’t matter the lip shade or the dress
Doesn’t matter how warm the hostess

The pretty dresses that I bought to look like your housewife
Don’t even fit me anymore since I recovered and came back to life
I don’t think paradise is
Looking at a light pink satin gown
Having daydreams, strolling around town
Nobody to look at, so where I look is down
Beneath the surface, off the edges, your voice is my favourite sound
I hate, hate, hate not having it around
You lost yourself or something, your irrationality is profound
In this parallel universe, a new beginning is what I’ve found
When I think about my love, I kind of love myself now

Ambiguity and confusion
Inspiration and bliss
Hair soft & golden, my perfume is what you’ll miss
The floral soft magnitudes
The strings on your toys
One of your wrong moves was assuming there were any other boys
When the yelling got too heavy, I surrendered to the noise
I never cried in front of you; I held myself with poise
Some things don’t really matter when you don’t have a choice

I recognized a softness
In you, but it was me
I’m the girl with pastel colours, who makes life lovely
A beautiful, sacred place to be
You felt so far away that I could not see
The visions that you had of me kept smothering me
You had an advantage
You ran out of chances
You never considered the stones I held
To believe in something, to pretend
You loved being adored
I was alone and bored
Pick out keychains with our names at the corner store
Saying that you love me always seemed like such a chore

You move one way, I step right back
I held on tight; I now regret that
It takes some time for me to become attached
But the memories that we contain run like a time-lapse
And I have flashbacks
Panic attacks
Running right after you, you screaming right back
I’m the glass wind shield, you’re the baseball bat
This isn’t what love is like, do you realize that?

I made my resolution early
To not find myself trapped
I wrap my wings around my torso like a little baby bat
I think of you while in traffic, I get so mad
I’m not your baby doll no more, I’m never coming back

Running right after you, you screaming right back
I’m the Victorian vanity mirror, you’re the one whose mad
Then you tell me you love me, but you look at me like that
I’m not your baby doll no more

But I am what you lack

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Poem: How little I meant

Poem: How little I meant

Live in modest obscurity
Classic California beach living
Sunglasses, shades, Maseratis, fast cars, soda pop
A life that has been glamorized
Or so I had hypothesized
He wouldn’t even be reading in between my lines
Too busy thinking about himself all the time

Perhaps a few motels overlooking the coast
Empty parking lots
Paint a vision for yourself
Soft ice cream in all good health
Said you were sober, had liquor on the top shelf
Honey, I thought you loved yourself

Ladies, you know me for my diamonds
I’ll show you everything sparkly that’s designer
That girl you once knew, you’re right behind her
To enjoy the high life without mascara on
To come to rise with the evening sun
To know how to really know someone
Stay omnipresent – hot, wild, and young
Like every morning, a new life has just begun
Dark spaces for dark traces of ice-cold skeletons
Bones only fit like fragments
Do what you’re told
Let your dream love life in front of you start to unfold

Everything in the right order
Everything in the right order
Everything all the same
Everything all the same

Lying between last quarter and new moon
I figured when we’d talk, we would be with each other soon
There are words on my body, on yours – video game cartoons
You never meant to express how little I meant to you

I started noticing in conversation
When the focus was on us, you lacked elation
I quit my work for you, I gave up waiting
I became so exhausted not living, but waiting
I tried to show you I was patient
You hate yourself like you’re tainted
Letting of go of the dream that one day you and I would make it

Now I’m in the doorway, sort of half-naked
I’m alone, but I’m tranquil, and nothing you do will change it

I’m alone but I’m tranquil
Nothing you do will change it

Poem: Bleed out (coughing)

Poem: Bleed out (coughing)

Anything you say
Anything you say
I promise you can have it all
I promise you can have it all
I’m tiny, I’m so small
I’m amber coated in blue
I’m feeling heavy because the tar is so thick
I feel like I’m running out of whatever makes me tick
I’m coughing up my lungs because you make me so sick
I don’t want to be in love, I don’t want to feel like this
I want you in my arms, you’re all I think of
I saved all the skies for you to make you feel loved
How many more winters do I have to be ashamed of

You’re stuck in my brain and the clips rewind
The pieces and fragments of my crispy and broken, fragile spine
It’s all coming together, you were lying the whole time
But was giving all of myself to you a complete waste of time?

You’re stuck in my head, you’re daylight and amethyst
I don’t want to be in love, I don’t want to feel like this
What I imagined was you and me immersed in honeycomb bliss
I swear to God I thought you were the reason I exist

When you would drive so fast
You scared the life out of me, but I wanted it to last
I never felt safe, and I kind of loved that
In a way it comforted me, but that was in the past

When everything I would write would sound like a love song
When I knew you’d never call, but I’d stay up all night long
I wasn’t even waiting
4 a.m. and I’m pacing
Trying to be patient
You were who I placed faith in
Nothing was changing

I come real close to giving up
You’re all I think of
I bathe and soak in love
You’re all I think of

I bathe in and bleed out love
You’re all I think of

You’re all I think of

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Poem: Soft times

Poem: Soft times

I threw a cigarette down on the ground while it was still lit and burned my foot
I thought about when we sat on the bench, and you held me tight by my livelihood
The frame of reference from me to you was always that you were misunderstood
But I never thought about it like that
I never thought about it like that
And I can’t tell whether I want you to come back
I can’t tell whether I want you to come back
The way I’d submit to you, I always felt so attacked
Wished you would pay attention to my words, wanted you to be keeping track
My nerves would pile up- going haywire, getting hijacked
I can say “I love you” then keep myself from getting sidetracked
I can’t seem to fall asleep without reminiscent, beautiful flashbacks

Soft times
Soft times

I think I make them up in my mind
I know for sure you’re leaving me behind
Think it’s good for me at the same time
I press play; you hit rewind

The vision’s always there
You – unaware
Me – trying not to stare
The sunshine’s oblivious glare

The vision’s always there
You, always unaware
Me – feeling so damn scared
Won’t speak up, wouldn’t dare

I can’t seem to fall asleep
You’re in my veins, you’re troubling me
You wouldn’t come sit with me by the crashing sea
Failure to disappear is choking me for eternity
I thought things would improve if I looked more pretty
I tried to speak quieter, say my sentiments softly
I still haven’t realized it has little to do with me

I wish I could erase
Your contemplative face
Your light tan shade of summer’s warmth
I’m taking all the pills
Never feeling thrills
Because the void is haunting me, haunting me still

I can’t change until
My body gets so ill
That I throw up any shadow that reminds me of you
I’m a small girl
I’m losing hope
If you were me, what would you do?

If you were me, what would you do?

You, always unaware
Me – feeling so damn scared
There’s nothing
There’s nothing
But empty space

This life has yet to swallow you

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