Poem: Bridge over troubled waters (lazy days)

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For a brief moment sunshine fell upon my face

I let God’s light take me to  a breathtaking place

I soaked in the sun rays like an encouraging haze
I closed my eyes and wished for better days
Hope
Holding onto it
Trembling
Feet dangling over the balcony’s wall that I sit on, fifth floor
Give you affection and give you some more
You’re not an eyesore
What’s mine, baby it’s yours
Only if you deserve 

Bridge over troubled waters
Playing on the record player as I mop the kitchen floors, wet from the leak in the ceiling
I’m thinking, I’m feeling
Can’t even believe it
I see better days coming
I see reuniting with the shore
Surfing and bathing suits, for sure

I remembered how he refused to read my poems
Didn’t realize they were all about him
Not other boys
So I said my goodbyes
Blocked his number, changed mine
For a second the sunshine made me feel divine
But as I walked right through it
I passed it and turned around
It was gone
It had left
And an apathy I almost felt
But I thought never mind, because I won’t neglect
All the others that depend on me
To be strong, to foresee
Each little admirable quality
In them
In me
In the leaves on the highest fiddle-leaf fig trees
That sway in the breeze

I’ve said my goodbyes
Kept them wondering why
All my lazy days amounted to somethin’
She was so young, it happened all of a sudden

All my lazy days amounted to somethin’
Freeways calm me down
Settle down my nerves
Soon, a place that won’t hurt
Soon, a place that won’t hurt

Leave me deep in the dirt
So good that it hurts


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Poem: Burnt ash & perfume

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Poem: Burnt ash & perfume

You told me that you wanted to read the poems that I end up not posting to my website
You said those are probably the best ones
I just thought you didn’t like my writing
Move my hair behind my right side
This is it
That’s all I have
There’s really no more of me
I sing too
When I’m blue
You swallow me

mailbox, letter boxes, post mail box

I bought the prettiest pink shower curtain
With ruffles on the bottom
Only a few days before my cat shred it to death
Which I thought was rather tasteful
Now it looks like someone got in a bad fight
I’m in for a fright
You call me, you ask to spend the night
Yeah right

I’m in here
Surrounded by black claws and thin ballerina dolls
That play eery slow classical sounds and spin around
I’m the director of this facility
I scan every body and send them either left or right
I don’t like what I do
It frightens me what is done
After the bodies go to the right
It’s not right

I’m attached to you
But I can easily remove myself
I learned by watching you

This is really all I have for you
It doesn’t get better
So when you are cold, and you put on my sweater

I hope the smell of burnt ash & rose perfume is gone

rose, flower, love

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Poem: Blood that pools, drowning me

In a world where there’s no end, where do we end up? 

I’m listless but I have potential
To surrender all of my dreams to my inquisitive nature
Blood that pools around your legs
Soft, crisp edges of the shells of eggs
Broken
Ceiling
Frostbite
Alright
Stage fright
I’m mimicking you in all directions
That the beat moves in
Soft
Glances
Kitchen
Cabinets
I always wanted to know what frostbite was like but it got so cold I was scared they would take away my fingers
And I wouldn’t be able to play you melodies on the piano any longer
Tender
Heart
Cold at night

wintry, tree, beech

Stage fright
I used to be a a beautiful ballerina
In a past life
In which I made my grandparents proud
No more hiding behind a boy’s name
I’m fast as hell
But I don’t sprint any more

Don’t cry anymore
I don’t do a lot of the things I used to
Adult life
Pains
Dripping slowly

ballet, tips, dance

You beg for it to hurt but when it does you go insane
Beg for it
Torture
Spiraling thoughts
Movement in a circular sphere where only I can see you in your true arrogant nature
Self portraits of a ghost
Confidence, you’ve got the most
A dinner party with no found host
Burnt piece of toast
True
Statements
About a death in apartment 95
About how free we feel on the motorcycle, it keeps us alive
How my parents were disillusioned when they wanted a child

peony, white, floral

How I’d have to be disillusioned to take him back
Honey, ever known a man that causes heart attacks?
All of my favorite characteristics he lacks 
Cold
Hot
Tears

The ceiling’s dripping candle light
The ceiling’s dripping candle light
The ceiling’s dripping-

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Poem: But I love it

It blinds me to think about what he wants
Steers me towards his way because I’m
Drawn
Hopelessly
Irrevocably
To pieces of him I both do and don’t wish I ever saw
Ever knew
They climb up on inside of you

I’m like a deep blue lagoon
Your wants and needs are at the top of my lungs
Pressing down
Brick heavy
Unsteady
You make me think I’ll always fail
Your talk is short and stale
I’m feeling blue

wave, water, surf

But wait
Don’t loosen your grip on me
Even if it’s surrounding my neck, I need you still
Like a little child needs a blanket
I need you still

If we could have our own apartment
To dance in
To yell in
Not at each other because we’re working on it
But at the sun, at the moon
At the corporate offices that block our view of the city lights
Maybe you’ll slow down with me
Take it in deeply
That I get sad at night without you
But when I see you it’s like I’ve again found you

Again, and again, and again, and again
Spin me
Again, and again, and again, and again
Spin me
Again, and again and again, and again
I’ve found you
And I am sad without you
Again

landscape, mountains, fog
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Poem: Paranoid and proud (10,000 times)

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Paranoid and proud (10,000)

Enigmatic, or desolate

I knock on your door slowly
Trembling
I don’t want to interrupt your work
You tell me to crawl over to the desk
I said babe, I’ve got a headache
My hair is a mess
I can’t pass your tests

I’m stupid and paranoid
None of your answers make sense
Where were you last Tuesday
Who was that in the car
You reach for another cigar
You’re the most beautiful boy but your personality is tar
You’re mean about my scars

A variation of you and me (but it’s just a fantasy)

The white roses have died
Is it me or my pride
That I always remind you of how my favorite man died
I know I’m a burden, I scream on the inside
Walking on eggshells
Tiny glass fragments
When you threw the vase at the wall because you couldn’t find your glasses
The white roses, they’ve died anyway
Entered a state of decay
Quite like I have, and it’s how I will stay
The light has left me, what do you make of my remains
I’m more revolting every day

Chaos and butterflies
Surprise me with flowers
Plant a tree every time you yawn when I talk about my interests
If this isn’t love or lust then what is this
Why do I sit on your lap every time you come around
How come I put my face to a pillow so that I don’t make a sound
How come you told me that the next time I get lost you hope I won’t ever be found
Like pitch black surround sound

I turn to the other side
I do my best to hide
Is that another exhibition of my pride?

You told me you loved to listen
You lied
Ten thousand times

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