Everything is sun-kissed because there’s a glow in the sky Cos I don’t have the patience to write an entire album about just one guy Can you feel me clinging to your new clothes? Before you insert yourself inside of them Taint the black Tar-boiled trap Tell me you like the sound of my name Lie to me all over again I ain’t writing an album about just one guy Held in importance but forgotten in spirit I’ve got to keep living
Sometimes I look at, my flowers that have died And I find them more beautiful than when they were alive.
Last year, my family got the most beautiful, dark-green noble fir Christmas tree we ever had In a pop-up parking lot full of his friends I personally found him more appealing before he was decorated Then I cut 6 inches off my hair No more split ends
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
Somebody stole our Christmas ornaments from the car The little cute animals my mother and I laughed about when we saw them in a store forever ago I hope they felt happy in their new home, Wherever they ended up, I just hope they weren’t disposed.
Some people – you start to feel disposable to them, Like the sweetness you carry doesn’t bear any weight, Like it means nothing that whatever stories they tell you, will never be shared with a single soul Not used as small talk to break the ice Never told at “parties” That I imagine I’d be attending with my future lover because other people have families & other people have friends & other people have obligations & events Birthdays to attend & other people might wonder why I’m not there, and I want to be more than polite for I’m awfully curious About that sort of life. I pretend I’m not but, I really am.
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
I didn’t want you for your money or what you promised me I was just so calm when I would laugh with you You introduced me to emojis Now I use them constantly You’re well aware I love cuteness I know you favour my modesty Something got in our way You may not want to admit it was from both sides I never knew you that well Though of course I still cried
Come to my front gate Wait in front of your car I’ll wear the outfit I picked out At the very start
Come to my front gate To see me, now I’ll wear full-on sweats So you have nothing to think about
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
But I know you a little more than I think I do Who knows if I’ll ever find out if that’s true I know you a tiny bit more than you think you do Who knows if you’ll ever understand that it’s true
Sometimes I look at, my flowers that have died And I find them more beautiful than when they were alive.
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You know up and down what real love is My god, have you felt and known that before You see it traveling through your own veins Sparkling bright on the kitchen floor
I decided to Write myself a love letter Because who really knows Me any better?
What do I keep hurting myself for Nobody’s looking in the mirror but you I keep on dreaming what life has in store But spin in circles until my knees fade to a distant blue It’s so chaotic living like this Never licking icing off the birthday cake Consumes me like frostbite by the lake The peak of my landscape of moth wings And when I take the time to Unpack my belongings I suddenly realize My god, I’m in love with everything So why do I Keep feeling like this Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one
Love poem: Moth wings (continued)
We could see the winter snow again Buy the coat with the elegant faux fur You don’t even have to make amends Cos even God knows talk of sin is absurd We could see Lake Michigan freeze to death While what’s underneath simply carries on One day I’ll get out of bed Just in time to watch the morning’s sun
You know back and forth what real love is My god, you feel it now, just like you did before Watch it coarse through your own stunning veins Opulence and nervousness on the closet floor
Love poem: Moth wings (continued)
You’re too young to be afraid Too old to hesitate We can swim right in the lake ‘Till your body collapses on the seashore
So I decided to write a love letter to myself Not because men let me down But because the sound waves miss my eardrums I go days without hearing a sound But god, I love the tone of my own voice Think it’s so funny that I picked up a southern accent Next time someone says my name I’ll remember I’ve been heaven-sent
Love poem: Moth wings (continued)
I can swim right in the lake In the city of my dreams ‘Till my pale body collapses on the seashore Flooded with hope like the legs of a millipede I am warm and fragile and cold My hair tends to burn if it’s by the fire But my New Year’s resolution will still be to be ‘comfy cozy’ If I said I was suicidal, I’d have to be a liar
I can swim right in the lake Lick frostbite like it’s ice cream Knowing I’d have to seek urgent care Hold myself real tight, several times during the day Feel the humidity of the shower when I’m bare I’m a mother to my children and myself Lover of trucks, flowers, rose petals, and guns I can stick around for a while
Just because I think it’d be fun.
Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one With moth wings
My day in the blistering sunshine I wish your hand was latched onto mine Except when you held it too tight, it hurt, and I said nothing because I was engulfed in the ivory, acrylic paint of the walls I wish you could soothe me like you do your male friends
I got, rather presumptive I thought we could make it work because it felt so worth it Like the tides would change & our circumstances wouldn’t get the best of us When I fell into old subservient patterns, That I thought I wouldn’t I said, screw it We could work through it But the tables that turned against me had thorns My blood wasn’t well & I was increasingly worn Down by the extent of which, I wanted it to work A violent but quiet discomposure
Love poem: If you could, just, sing to me (continued)
Down by the bayside I’ll never forget when an acoustic version of a song I loved in middle school (still do) came on You threw your head back and sang so softly I found it mildly alarming how awfully charming And crisply ambient the evening felt right then and there My eyes started to tear, and I wiped them real fast I thought if it could be like this, we’d be golden Nothing to take & everything to give That is the drawback to my diplomacy It doesn’t quite work out for me
Now I’m basking in the feverish sunshine Hearing the lyrics in my mind How true they conform to the set of conditions that unveiled my gentle but muted position I wanted all of it to feel just like that Right then and there, I was far too aware That you are a beautiful human being only when you get what you want
Love poem: If you could, just, sing to me (continued)
But I can’t always play the right song And moments in passing affect my brain far too strong I latch on
If we could have just stayed at that stop light forever We would’ve made it work If you could have sang lullabies to lull me to sleep We still couldn’t have made it work
I am, a dandelion that’s losing its ligules A dandelion on the street Stepped on, on repeat – bracing the wind, but falling apart Missing my roots Crying because I won’t be in a vehicle with my father ever again But the koala-grey sidewalk embraces me like its only friend
Gasping, breaking, compact but fragile – for eternity Not asking anyone to save me Because rap songs taught me that’s commonly dismissed Neglected and disposed of (Why am I so delicate?) I breathe it and I love it, but God please help me, I’m exasperated I wear my orthodox cross like it’s the most expensive diamond given to a queen Nobody ever suspects a thing
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
A guy once bought me, the most beautiful fiddle leaf fig tree That I picked out, of course Girl knows her houseplants My bedroom lacked the sunshine to keep my baby alive I wept on the floor staring at its fallen brown pieces Feeling like I was one of them Breaking for eternity Shrivelling up and no longer green, but serene I swallow the ground whole with my desire to love more than I ever have before Time, and time, again.
You know, a girl, who truly loves flowers Never “gets used” to receiving them Each time is special, savoured, like those commercials with women and chocolate I stop walking every few feet to capture a flower One day, a boy said to me, “do you have to stop every time” That was the end of him and I Of course, I do That’s what happens when you’re in love with white, pink, red, yellow, and blue The colours dash through your mind when you’re not scrolling on your phone Remembering the hydrangeas from Venice Beach The sunset blooms at the rose garden at the museum where you spent your birthday in your own solid company Breaking in composite structures Swallowing the rose petals on the ground
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
The dandelions on the street Say something on repeat
They love me, they live through me They engulf quite the vast part of me And every piece of their frail self that flies away with the breeze Becomes deeply embedded within me And I love it, like cotton I roll it, like marbles If I’m ever, forgotten
I hope botany never is
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
I know a girl That will never “get used” to flowers So endlessly abundant but single-handedly make this life worth it
They love me, they love me They live right through me I walk on the concrete Looking for myself