Poem: 3 missed calls

I want to fall in love

flowers, bouquet, floral

Would you rather keep all the memories you have up until now?
Or start all over again
I ask you while we’re walking alongside the fog, the mountains
The sea on the other side
Would you want to live this life over?
I pick at a four-leaf clover
Come over for dinner, and let’s go out for dessert
I want to fall in love
But I don’t want it to hurt
I dig through the dirt

The sea on the other side

But I don’t want it to hurt

I feel lost and alone
Statements I never thought I’d share
I’ve shed enough of my personality to the point where I’m rebuilding it
Look at me in this black dress, how’s the fit of it?
I have panic attacks, I can’t manage it
But I do
I do

Sunday evening, watching the news
Holding the baby
You come in, new vinyl in, midtown Blues
Just thinking, I think I found a clue
About what you’re about to do
You feed off opportunity, I’ll catch up to you

pink, rose, flower
Collapsing all of the time

Going 120 miles per hour, I need the sky to go from blue to grey
I can’t stand up straight when things don’t go my way
I fall into the warm bath
Slip under, wet my long hair
Blue and blues and blue again
Turn me into someone I’m not
Tell me it’s my phone number you’ve forgot
My voicemail at the end of your beat on SoundCloud
Think you can bring a tough crowd?
You, and your life — are you proud?
It’s 500 Fahrenheit
Am I shouting too loud?
Too distracted trying to deal, barely making a sound

In a daze- it’s a familiar haze

I slip and fall into the bath
Wash my hair, scrub my porcelain face
Trying not to have a third panic attack
The dial kept going, you said you’d call right back
I’m a masterpiece in God’s eyes
I’m a drug in them guys’ eyes

But when I look at myself
(And I’m screaming and shouting)
And I pull my hair out
(And I’m screaming and shouting)
And the fog rolls in
(And I’m screaming and –

3 missed calls

blue lagoon, pool, swimming

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Poem: Wisconsin blues

I’ll be next to you

Wisconsin blues
I’m sitting right next to you

whoisbenjamin-PhV0oeiXYsk-unsplash

To be creative, you need to be able to respond to pain.

I read the news as I wait for the train
CTA baby, ask me out I’ll say maybe
I’m in need of something refreshing
Something to soothe me
Coax me out of this identity
Let me relive the past but only the brilliance of it
Please don’t send me back there
Not the facility
I can’t give up my tranquility
That appears only when the atmosphere fades to black
My insecurities are under attack
Hold on babe someone’s on the other line, wait for me, I’ll be right back

lachlan-gowen-0s0WCiys0ZI-unsplash

Since the dawn of time
I can’t even remember that far ago
I like it in Wisconsin when I look out the window at the mounds of snow
I give you a kiss on the shoulder and you don’t have to say you love me, I just know
You did it again
You made my day
Took the somber right out of me
Molded me like clay
I think I’m going to be okay

I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay

On another day

tirza-van-dijk-cNGUw-CEsp0-unsplash-1

Like death, adore him

Gentle
Lilacs growing in the garden
Saying “I’ll see you tomorrow”
A boy who doesn’t leave me with sorrow
And I still mess it up
I find a way
To misbehave
Get my own way
Impatience every day
I go to the beach and pray
For grey skies and soliloquy’s
For you and me, breakfast with tea
For me to provide all your fantasies

It’s rich
It’s gold
Maybe I should have done what I was told
Be a good girl
No temptations
Enforce restrictions
Monitor yourself
Equate honesty with wealth
Maintain your good health
Never run out of breath
Get yourself out of this mess

And when you get a boy that laughs like death
Adore him to the edges of the earth
Make sure he never gets hurt
Not by the ground, not by your lying teeth
More manipulative the further we drive East
This isn’t the place I wanted to be
Come home to me, baby
Softness
Hardship
Making love with passion and greed
Try to do one good deed
Don’t keep your bad habits
Driving fast, avoiding running over rabbits
I’m a little crazy, just a tad bit

Come back to me
I’m fragile
Come home to me
Come home to me
Come home to me
Come home