Abscess (God)

I broke my favorite CD while I was opening it
Because of my fake nails
Imagining better versions of you
My ways of moving on, they fail
I’ll tell you a crystal-clear tale
One you’ll save for the books
A story about how much I miss my father
The one who blessed me with good looks
My mother too – but now she grieves
We encounter noone but liars and thieves
I like how I’m surrounded by crisp Autumn leaves.
No time to dream.

I recall a beautiful lullaby
It was his very own way of saying goodbye
I still wonder why.
My hands shake as I type
I’m so lost in this mess
I’m watching you swell like a grimy abscess
Call a cab.

Social disturbances
I fade into obscurity
Nobody reads my poetry
I know I won’t live until my thirties
I wasn’t made for this world
It gets more clear every day
I wake up with bruises
Impossible to wash away
God made me this way.

Decay
Decay
Decay
Decay

God tells me to stay.

Rosemary (white roses)

I bought white roses
Because I knew you wouldn’t
I knew it would happen like that
I have a penchant for knowing when my heart is going to break
But it stings the same
It stings just as bad
I knew it would happen like that

I changed the flowers’ water
And I cut the ends of the stems
We were happy back then
You never stayed past ten
I was alone at night with a glass of red wine
Just to pass the time
I wanted you to be mine
I wanted you with white roses
I wanted to be the closest
To getting you to change your mind about being the bad one in everyone’s life
Rosemary and chives
Don’t touch my thighs
Just to pass the time

I have a penchant for knowing when my heart is going to break
Regardless of the season it was you who made me ache
I couldn’t take it anymore but I was too strong to break
I wanted to be the closest to getting you to change
Your mind about being the bad one
In everyone’s life

Rosemary and chives
You can no longer touch my thighs
I wanted you to be mine
I wanted you to be mine

Ripe cherries, beehives
Goodbye

Queen of parliaments

At this rate
We’re going down
You lost me and I will never be found
I’m taking trips to Venice
Getting trashed in clubs
Sick of being in love
Swimming in a rosy bathtub
Filled with water
Water
Gently
Slowly

Becoming myself
Not a strange, rancid guest
It’s tough for me to digest
That I can’t even get pity
But I thought I was pretty
The alleyway’s gritty

You found me at last
With my Parliaments
I caved, I guess
I think you bought me this dress
That’s right, you bought me this dress
Light this for me, be my guest
Inside
You’ll always be a mess

You heard it from the best

My birthday

I went to a rose garden on my birthday
And the beach
I thought of you

White, tender flowers
Softer than soft can be
Soft, just like me
Quiet and still
A few moments until
The rain came down, it spilled

I was at the beach on my birthday
The tide was thin but sweet
I was walking, bare feet
Didn’t have my bathing suit on
So I undressed to my bra
Didn’t have much makeup on
Crisp in the flesh

I was born on that day
The day of surprise
Sand stuck to my thighs
No deceit, and no lies
It was nice to be there
So nice to be there
With you unaware
It was my sweetest birthday

1st of September

It’s the first of September
13 days ’till my birthday, remember?
I haven’t spoken to you in what feels like forever
But now it’s September
And I’m dancing anew
Around my kitchen with my canvas ballet shoes on
Glimmering
Someone asked me if ballerinas really stand on their toes
I laughed and said “well, that’s how it goes”
How we can be so far apart but sometimes feel so, close

You make me
You make me
Comatose

I want to grab you a beer but you’re not here
You’re off doing whatever you like
With a girl like me, yeah, sike
Missed opportunities
Looking out the window
Sipping matcha green tea and staring in the mirror
Like, what do I see here?
The girl who got away
Who had months she wanted to stay
My hip bones show the start of decay

Have I told you how much I love phone calls
When the phone rings, I drop all my things
I pick up the receiver like a delicate secretary
But these days I just hit decline
These days I don’t even buy myself wine
I used to sip it all the time
On the phone with you
Talking about your tattoos
I was stuck to you like glue
On the wrong page

To hear your laugh again
I’d fade into the sea
I’d ask you to swim with me
You’d laugh and say “we’ll see”

So we’ll see