Category: Blues

Poem: Surface tension (poolside dreams)

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I saw the skinniest girls at the pool today
They were all bone, with graceful flat stomachs
I started to hate myself again
And I considered if
Maybe I was going too far
Maybe they have scars to hide too
But I traced their gentle bodies with my disturbing eyes
And I couldn’t find a somber disguise
Or any evidence that they hate themselves too

Maybe I didn’t look deep enough
What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath

I toss and turn wildly in my bedsheets
And maybe the spaces of my ribs and the lights in-between
No longer shine, no longer gleam
I look dirty even when I’m entirely clean
I try to smile, but I can’t hold back that I’m so, so mean

They splashed each other while in the water
I knew if I smiled I’d only bother
But maybe they were growing sick of each other
At that point, I’d be a newfound lover
But when it rains it decays what’s left of me
I only feel blissful when I’m swimming in the sea (I feel like it’s a part of me)
I am opalescent in matters of blue
Your favourite shades of Hunter green
Writing poetry with a ruptured spleen
I miss being a fragile and innocent young teen
Didn’t stop you from touching me

Didn’t stop you from touching me
You claimed that you were teaching me
But my skin turned dark like you were leaching me
I’d have the strongest, most bizarre of nightmares
Wake up sweating, alone, and scared
A modest, timid girl
Too small to be bared
You dragged my body up the crystallized stairs

What’s on the surface conceals what’s underneath
When the gun started firing, the bed I hid beneath
Is it always as rosy as the daydream makes it seem?
My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene

My God, being dead sounds so fucking serene

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Poem: Elysian space dust IPA

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Peony photograph by Elle ©

Poem: Fading, gracefully

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Poem: Fading, gracefully

My passion is in my work but sometimes it fades
I dress up, I’m ready, to have the most perfect of days
Something charcoal and black gets in my way

A peaceful slumber, I’ve rested
Breakfast is toast
Licking jam off my fingers
The scent of your cologne
I have nothing to do today but write, write, write

Born an academic
I found my love on the field
Pointing straight at my target– focus and press
Down on the trigger, life’s a sweet mess
Baby, we eventually do our best

He said my name sounds expensive

He said my name sounds expensive
Like a luxurious bath
Candles and Ella Fitzgerald in the back
I’m curious about my own tastes
I’m establishing a new state of rebuilding an identity that I lost when we broke off the engagement
Led to a crisp stalemate
And what it necessitates
Is a return to sensuality and glamour
Floral dresses because flowers are part of my soul even though I don’t believe in humanistic psychology
However,
I do like what the existentialists posed
I’m no longer scared to see of what dust I am composed
I stay asleep on such a heavy dose

The rain falls like sugar into a small child’s fragile hands

You shouldn’t be scared of me either
When it rains I’m like in the garden of Eden
You and me, we’re on the same page, something is even
But when I’m alone
I rip out the pages, shivering down to my bones
I let the call ring then hang up the telephone
No service in my castle, but I’m in my zone
Wait for the beat to drop
Babe you’re acting so nonchalant
It’s okay, it’s enough, it’s time to stop
The beautiful rainfall begins to drop
It shimmers
Across my spine

Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy
Move my arms up like I’m soaking already
Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy
Move my arms down like I’m dead already

Move my arms down like I’m dead already

Nothing like Chicago rainfall


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Poem: Soft like thunder

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Poem: Soft like thunder

His parents were well-to-do
He grew up on sailboats and river rafts
When he got older they turned into yachts
The sea was like venom to him, it pulled me in
Like the sweetest smelling flower at the end of the block
The rose
Morose
Lying-on bleached towels warm from the dryer
Didn’t put out your cigarette and started a fire
I saw you make mistakes, found out you were a liar
And I didn’t do nothing ’bout it
I did nothing at all
You stand in front of me– so handsome, so tall
I feel so small 

Pretty
Ash blonde hair
Pink ribbon hanging from my ponytail
You said the waves are good so we’ll go out and sail
Meet you at the car, I’ll go check the mail
Bounty hunter
Soft like thunder
Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills
I got the vaccine and secretly hoped I’d fall ill
Would you take care of me?
Bring me chamomile tea?
Fresh white roses for the center of the room

Centerpiece
Sharp like teeth
Glass shards in the basement

Learn to swim so you don’t drown in the sea
Learn to swim so you don’t drown in the sea
Learn to swim so you don’t drown in the sea

A hummingbird crawls on my windowsill
Little feet, tiny movements, intricate & fleeting
Like when we scored some angel & fell down from the ceiling
An upside-down world for the criminally insane
Blue hydrangeas
Marbles
Stone cold carpet, free of debris
You’re ironing your pants
I come up, give you a little dance
But this isn’t romance
Nor a reprisal
The last day
Wonder if you’ll even remember my last name
Before I reach fame
(You never asked)
Heart attack
Trade you gold for some hard-hitting smack

Birthday cake
Little girl
Swooning with the daffodils
Is it crazy to be a cranberry in this awful, wet wilderness
Does anything I say make any sense?
I meant to be who I was, in the past tense

Mercedes benz, honey no you didn’t
Been dreaming for this day for months, for years
You say get in, I insist on it
I glow like a candle
I’m sharp like shears
Cruel and uncoordinated, overdosing on fears
If that’s your dream life
My gentle self as your wife
The tide rushes in
The tide rushes back

Little feet, tiny movements, intricate & feeling
Hold you with my all, hear your cold heart beating
These are my plans this evening

An upside-down world for the criminally insane
I bet you one hundred you don’t know my last name
Stay quiet, breathe slow, this shouldn’t be much pain
Smooth
Quick
Needles, veins
Taking advantage

Taking advantage or being taken advantage of
Taking advantage or being taken advantage of

If that’s your dream life, my gentle self as your wife

Little feet, tiny movements, intricate & fleeting
Alone on the floor, that’s where I fall apart this evening
Don’t wake me, I’m sleeping
Don’t wake me, I’m –

Poem: White mustang, no cigarettes

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Poem: White mustang, no cigarettes

Out of all my vices
Got no more cigarettes
Marriage is a stretch, it’s far-fetched
A violent vehemence
That I got caught in because he said I was one of his regrets
One of his regrets
I’d protest to that
Absence of evidence

I’m a humble girl, I’m real cool
Catch me doing laps in the swimming pool
I objectify God; in all his heavens I rule
I’m not what you’re used to
But as strange as this fancy, rugged life turns out to be
I have a strange sense I won’t make it past thirty
What’s not to be is not meant to be
Coca Cola and vanilla ice cream in the evenings
Different rituals for different seasons
A stray cat, got loose, we’ll make it even
I lay back, underneath the sun, I’m gleaming
Strangers make strange choices for strange reasons

♥ Strangers make strange choices for strange reasons ♥

♥ I’m bored to death and my glamour is fading ♥

I’m bored to death and my glamour is fading
With every cheap trick you try
I glance out the window, months just fly by
My ego’s even on the same page, telling me to get rid of you
It’s like taking out the trash
One long-winded heroin crash
I pour myself a warm bath
Collapse
Small movements
Trembling
Hands around my knees, hold them close to me
Like when I held your hand, and my heart felt safe
You were looking real nice for what was a blind date
Cigarettes into ash, swear I thought it was fate
The way your fingers interlaced my wire front gate
Never over five minutes late

I’m made of caramel syrup & mocha drizzle
You taste it, you want more, I only give you a little
I’m fairly humble in my opinion
You’ll be home any minute
And I can’t wait until you get home and see my stuff is all packed
I’m going back to the city where we stayed on track
Listening to White Mustang on replay, back to back
Lana’s the only one to bring me joy
I know you’re starting to sweat, you’re feeling paranoid
It previously hadn’t occured to you that I’m someone you enjoy
The glisten on the shine of my watermelon nail polish
The sparkles of pink and white of my carefully creased eye shadow
I’m not meant for this household
Realistically it should only occupy one man
Quite frankly I don’t care if you do or you do not understand
We’re crumbling like an avalanche
I’m coughing up sand

I stayed in your company because God, I love snow
I love champagne and wearing conservative dresses to the company engagements you’d invite me too
’till one day I caught your gaze, you looked oh so blue
Like the fakeness of it all finally got through to you
You realized you weren’t capable of loving a doll like me
Little bumble bee
Awfully cruel, brutal honesty

Out of all my vices
Got no cigarettes
I remember when you said I would become your favourite regret
You used to say I was heaven-sent
You remember that agreement we made behind a peach sunset?
First one to leave gets custody

I’m packed
I’m through
I give you a note
“First one to leave gets custody”


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