Month: July 2021

Deep cherry like the water in your blood

distantcave1 Comment

Deep cherry like the water in your blood

I’m crimson again
Deep cherry
Go to Newport Beach to ride on the ferry
Pink-shaded sunglasses
All my gals with me
Celebrating the day I said goodbye

Got a Seven Peaks bicycle
I’m going to ride ’round the city
Pink lip gloss, so that I look pretty
For nobody in particular but me
Head to downtown LA
The bleakest alleys in the city
I like the sound of electric guitar, smoke some black tar
Jan Axel Blomberg is emailing me sound strips from hell
Contact lenses
Under suspension
I look real clean in court, it’s all pretension
Forgot to mention

I’m my own best advocate but my statements are bleak

In case I ever get scared
In case I ever get scared

I like burnet moths and swallowtail butterflies
I missed your last call
Why don’t you ever leave me voicemails?
To listen to for the nostalgia, after the relationship grows stale
Works without fail
Me and my friends are addicted to them vape pens
Fill the entire room with smoke
Screens for the serene
A fox’s tail

I love getting the mail
The walk down there is paved with a grey-brick road
Got a Taurus G2c to unload
In case I ever get scared
Fearful in the dark
Tuesdays we walk to the park
Kel-Tec PMR-30 in the back
It’s okay to start and stop as long as you start again
It’s okay to be scared and then brave as long as you pretend

I’m not happy with my appearance
Some days I wish I was more fearless
The front entrance gate to your loft has stone gargoyles and your bed has satin sheets
Your bath curtain is a pattern of ducks that always makes me smile
This isn’t a love poem
I just wanted to say
The days that I see you, those are the good days
The rest is decay

Stone gargoyles & satin sheets

My skin color is grey
Because I’m not motivated enough to change how I’m living
But I’m reading the books that the older people do
And I ride my bike four in the morning ’till two
And I clean up real nice after I’m covered in dirt
I say mean words that make others hurt
Defense mechanisms we’ve learnt

I say this not because I’m proud but because I want you to know
Knowing me is not something I let a lot of people do
So when you hug me goodbye give me fourteen reasons why
Sticking along with you is good for the ride
I’ve fallen behind
Lost trace of myself
How can you learn anything new if you only read the books on your own bookshelf?

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Biking and good friends will bring me back to good health
If that’s a place I want for myself

I’m crimson again
Deep cherry trees
Hot in the sunshine like fresh, cold wine
Renovating myself in the summertime
I’ll be just fine

Like fresh, cold wine
I’ll be just fine

Deep cherry trees
I’m crimson again
With hot blood venom

Nothing beautiful ever lasts

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Nothing beautiful ever lasts

(venom like frostbite on a Sunday morning)


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My gal pal and I were feeling the hot July mist as we dipped our carefully painted toes in the pool
Swaying our arms to make waves like hurricanes
Flowers blossomed
My best friend
She jokingly said that I’m holding out on love
Not letting anybody too close
Painful reminders of past ghosts
Motorcycles, some of those
I said I’m living like I’m practically comatose
I wake up, open the shades, want to close them back again and fall into a slumber so deep my manager starts calling since I didn’t show up for work
It’s just too much work
And I’m impatient
Stagnant in some ways
Although I am crisp, I say that in a daze
The sky turns ablaze
Hot fire surrounds us

She’s crying and her mascara drips down her rose cheeks
I don’t know what I did
But it’s always me doing something
I remind people of their painful pasts
I refresh their memory that nothing beautiful ever lasts
I put one in mind of the fact that every little time you think something’s good, something’s right
It never is
Your worries become his
And that’s hard to dismiss

I’m not evil
I think I’m not
But the last guy said he hopes my body will rot
I thought it was kind of funny, which sent him in shock
I told him again and again that I’m not quite his flavor
The poor boy, I was doing him a favor!
The January wind came to whisk me away
He locked the door, practically begged me to stay
But it wasn’t hard to walk away (search for new prey)
I’m like a ship that’s too in love with the waves
Goes the wrong way for days
Doesn’t realize there’s a dock waiting, that you don’t have to escape
My vision turns gold and then grey
Nothing beautiful stays
So I celebrate the decay
Am I better off that way?

Morning dew is my favourite
When roses blossom, I’m in heaven
I remember being young, timid, and seven
Pushing my fingers directly into thorns
Gave me a rush that went straight to my bones
I was so little! A young mind so awake
Until I started bleeding and I’d start to shake
Some people are poison, like the tinctures I make
I’m fake I’m fake I’m fake

For God’s sake (my sake and yours) 
Pass me a cider
White roses when you greet me
Try to make me smile
Soon we’ll be dead and no longer will you see me

So I celebrate the decay
Am I better off that way?



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    Poem: Love you in fragments

    Love you in fragments – love you in fragments – love you in fragments – love you 




    Author

    The author of the poetry on Lilac Dove is a young girl living on the outskirts of Los Angeles, twirling her hair with her finger and eating sour candy, as she writes about the strangeness of her life.

    Softness and silk

    I love you in fragments
    Like pieces of a puzzle

    That no matter how hard I try to make out the shapes just right

    I’m always wrong

    I find myself thinking about things like
    Do you paint pictures of me in your mind before going to sleep
    Before resting your beautiful tan head on the mattress because you don’t like pillows
    You joke they’re too soft
    But I’m soft
    Fragile in places I’ll never admit out loud
    Paradise found
    You call, and I’m the happiest girl in the United States of America

    To dream is to escape reality

    But you just ask me questions
    Like I’m an encyclopedia of the world
    And while I’m charmed that you value my intellect so
    It still feels shallow
    A jellyfish catching me after I lose out on a killer wave
    When I’m with you, I always tend to misbehave
    Reconsider my decisions later
    Wonder if I could have done better
    But you encapsulate me every time
    Put me in a bubble with no oxygen, so with every one of my screams I’m losing out on life
    Is that what this is like?

    There were times when I felt divine

    Reconsider my decisions later
    Wonder if I could have done better
    Thankful that I still have your sweater
    Accept the parts of you no-one else sees
    Parts of you that are rust- to me, are shiny
    Pick up the phone every time you call

    Which as of late, has been no time at all

    Leave me a voicemail
    Tell me you love me
    Leave me a voicemail
    Don’t let go when you hug me
    Reconsider my decisions later
    Wonder if I could have done better

    Go to bed every night in your sweater


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    Poem: Fading, gracefully

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    Poem: Fading, gracefully

    My passion is in my work but sometimes it fades
    I dress up, I’m ready, to have the most perfect of days
    Something charcoal and black gets in my way

    A peaceful slumber, I’ve rested
    Breakfast is toast
    Licking jam off my fingers
    The scent of your cologne
    I have nothing to do today but write, write, write

    Born an academic
    I found my love on the field
    Pointing straight at my target– focus and press
    Down on the trigger, life’s a sweet mess
    Baby, we eventually do our best

    He said my name sounds expensive

    He said my name sounds expensive
    Like a luxurious bath
    Candles and Ella Fitzgerald in the back
    I’m curious about my own tastes
    I’m establishing a new state of rebuilding an identity that I lost when we broke off the engagement
    Led to a crisp stalemate
    And what it necessitates
    Is a return to sensuality and glamour
    Floral dresses because flowers are part of my soul even though I don’t believe in humanistic psychology
    However,
    I do like what the existentialists posed
    I’m no longer scared to see of what dust I am composed
    I stay asleep on such a heavy dose

    The rain falls like sugar into a small child’s fragile hands

    You shouldn’t be scared of me either
    When it rains I’m like in the garden of Eden
    You and me, we’re on the same page, something is even
    But when I’m alone
    I rip out the pages, shivering down to my bones
    I let the call ring then hang up the telephone
    No service in my castle, but I’m in my zone
    Wait for the beat to drop
    Babe you’re acting so nonchalant
    It’s okay, it’s enough, it’s time to stop
    The beautiful rainfall begins to drop
    It shimmers
    Across my spine

    Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy
    Move my arms up like I’m soaking already
    Stick out my tongue because rain tastes heavy
    Move my arms down like I’m dead already

    Move my arms down like I’m dead already

    Nothing like Chicago rainfall


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