Poem: Baddd girlfrienddd

Poem: Baddd girlfrienddd

I want him to love me for my bad reputation
Lilacs and daisies,
And we don’t even have to have those kinds of conversations.
Like who do you think you are all the time misbehaving?
But I’m just a little doll in a lace dress,
Can’t you see how much joy I’ve been faking?

My garden is so pretty
My kitchen is pristine
New tiles on the bathroom floor to feel Victorian,
And I know that my cursive is quite Gregorian.
You vomit all over my love letters because it’s too much for you.
And maybe that’s why we’re not so–

Made for each other,
Perfect synchronous lovers.
I’m embarrassed to say
I think about it every day.
Do you think you want more from me?
I’m already overflowing- a coffee cup that forms bubbles and bleeds
I want you to buy me flowers most of all
And I worry this is the only thing I ever think about
And do I worry that I’m not enough for you?

Poem: Baddd girlfrienddd (continued)

All the opposite,
Your grey hairs in such ethereal hues
I think I’m way too much for you.
A silver plate and French dessert, picking off the residue,
I swear, in another lifetime,
I was also deeply in love with you

But I am a crazy girl,
I am truly wild.
Everywhere that I go, they collect some kind of files
They say the weirdest things about me, and it’s never made sense.
I wanted to be the most trustworthy person,
But I’m not very good at making friends.

And this makes me sad.
And I want you to help me not feel bad.
But if that’s too much for you,
Then that makes my suspicions true.

Poem: Baddd girlfrienddd (continued)

I am so used to being too much,
But never enough
Never enough.
I am so used to being far too much,
But never enough
Never enough.

My hair is gently tied with a beautiful pink ribbon
He thinks that I did things that I didn’t.
I’ve always wanted to be someone that people could trust
But if I cleaned a window,
He would still just see arachnids and dust

And that was a bad line; I’m not a very good poet. It’s one of my insecurities,
Though I hope I don’t show it.
But this is a mess,
The fabric between our asymmetrical beds.
I don’t even know where I feel the best laying my head.
I have duvet covers in different area codes and these apartments that don’t even belong to me
But I wanna belong to somebody
And I want them to take care of me.
And I want them to not be so scared of me.

Poem: Baddd girlfrienddd (continued)

So now I’m crying on the freeway, writing this using voice-to-text
And I think I’m beautiful, but well aware that he’ll forget
And I wanna be taken care of properly, like my dad would admire
And I want to be given flowers, like my mother would appreciate

But I am the common denominator,
The problem at hand.
And I just want somebody who can understand
That I wanna be trustworthy to the point where you believe I didn’t do it
So, if I set this place on fire,
Are you gonna give me a hard time about it?
Or try your best to see me get through it

Poem: Baddd girlfrienddd (continued)

Watch me
Dancing
Laughing
Crying
Soaking
Rainfall
Open
Windshield
Broken
I fell in love with you three times
I sat and sobbed in the shower, thirty-nine

Or are you going to laugh with me?
Because it is inherently funny
That we carved this life together

I’m aware I appear as a rotten tomato that ruins the rest of the vine,
But someday someone will trust that I’m good on the inside

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Love poem: Angelic spine

Love poem: Angelic spine

Angelic
Vicious
Future physician
Painting spiderwebs in your kitchen
Emotionally flat
But so consistent
Best of the best
Couldn’t get any better than you wished it

When you’re with me, you’re possessed
And I’m not afraid of becoming obsessive
Lip gloss all over the glass
You’re calling my landline
Cos I’ve given you enough incentive
Now you’re touching my spine
Noticing where the bones don’t really make sense
And we laugh like the weight of a crowd
Blanket over our eyes, not making a sound.

Love poem: Angelic spine [continued]

You were born in the same month
As my father
And I’m kind of sick of
Not being your official lover

Angelic
Vicious
Future physician
Eating vegan lentil soup you made for me in your kitchen
I love your five cats
And your cynical wisdom
And when I look up to you,
I see the sky as well
Blanketing you in confetti
Astral projections and snow that falls heavy
I’m taking my time; we’re going steady
Fragrant lullabies pass the time
I don’t care, and I don’t mind

But I paint spiderwebs in your kitchen to trap you
Right there
So that when I come to feed
You’ll be blissfully spared

Angelic and vicious
I mean, who am I kidding
I love your five cats
And your cynical wisdom

How you always kiss me first

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