I cut the chrysanthemum flowers, and you ruffle through my drawers Pigeon blue and staining through You cut your losses Roll over onto the pink duvet cover You look beautiful on my bed Like you just got out of the shower Like you’ll finally let me hold you Sweet dreams for a nap You can have it like that Autumn is approaching soon, and your eyes are sparkling brown I’m going to find their distinct shade in the leaves of the fall Up to heaven’s gate, we can have it all I think you have somebody to call
Evenings Frostbite The way we fight Like water holding the boat afloat Like your friends and everyone else you know Stay here in the shade with rare sun rays reaching your chest and shedding light You need something bright Something that fits you To keep up with your wild attention span That pays itself its dues
You, my boy that lies beside me Neutral palette, got it down I love when you take me around town It’s nice when the evenings come around
I don’t want nothin’ The taste in my mouth To want is to crave is to isolate Like you’re sick
I may care to admit that it was my fault My not bothering to understand you, ask the things that really mattered What is it that you do to relax after a stressful day? Tell me about the things that frighten you Make sure for our sake that I’m not one of those things
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
I’m a dandelion In your crystal abyss of a forlorn cave, I don’t cry very often I want you to hold me throughout the day Feel close to me I’m free-flowing like a loose feather A father that doesn’t scold his kid A mother who holds you right back
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
I’m driving, just like everybody. Driving you crazy, but I think you like it I’m obsessed with roses and peonies and you’re obsessed with my Burberry perfume We make a good pair and I like the way I look in the windowpane glare Cos I’m happy for some reason, for some reason, Can you tell; can you tell?
You drive a jaguar, no, I’m just kidding It’s a Subaru Do you have any reason to believe that I don’t think you’re super cute You drink your key lime and strawberry And you like my Burberry Perfume the way it Sneaks up on ya Don’t ya wanna Hold me forever for the rest of the night
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
An auteur to be reckoned with, to be recognized I saw the way you polish your shoes Like you want to fade into the background I’ll grab you right back I’m hospitable like that Sit next to you on a garden swing
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
Don’t ya wanna Hold me forever for the rest of the day Don’t you want to Tell me you’re going to stay
Nuclear envelopes A testable hypothesis Will you still love me if I – Will you drown me out Like the noise in a soundproof room He always said he’d like to go to solitary confinement just to get away For a honeymoon
Light leaks Asparagine and leucine Convoluted sighs and my pink floor-length satin dress Eating three times on Mondays, Eating four times, the day after Consuming enough carbohydrates to be like a plant A prisoner in your gardener A wide-awake blooming orchid Couch that fell from a truck bed onto the motorway We could just make it ours Watch the fires and fireflies swarm in the distance Devouring apricots A routine for my bedtime
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
Letting go of lethargic tendencies But I don’t have the energy I’m miserable, with or without you Have to be the writer of my own memoir, the heroine in my own maladaptive daydreams That serve me quite well Like soft serve by the beach Made from plant-based oat milk & Oreos I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
Empty head Empty thoughts Your Percocet My writer’s block I’ve been too, afraid, to put this down on paper A typewriter with no keys Hands that swell Knees that bleed I know perfectly well That I’m who you need Will you be there for me, in the daylight and the evenings? My handsome prince Tread carefully I’m exactly who I aspire to be
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I believe in myself, most of all Though, the cognitive dissonance gets swept like ashes At a fireplace Melting, blurring a reality that you swore was three-dimensional You vase of a porcelain starlit galaxy You atmospheric void, claustrophobic from your own apprehension I’m so in love with every part of you Especially the pieces you really disdain
I’ll take them in my hands Like the softest of sand
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I don’t know what to do with all these birthday balloons The vinyl you bought me, thank you, by the way You precious thing. And the things I have to move on from Tangled in grief-ridden spiderwebs Merging through lanes with my blinker forever on I follow all the laws When the crows are watching, carefully
I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
I am, a dandelion that’s losing its ligules A dandelion on the street Stepped on, on repeat – bracing the wind, but falling apart Missing my roots Crying because I won’t be in a vehicle with my father ever again But the koala-grey sidewalk embraces me like its only friend
Gasping, breaking, compact but fragile – for eternity Not asking anyone to save me Because rap songs taught me that’s commonly dismissed Neglected and disposed of (Why am I so delicate?) I breathe it and I love it, but God please help me, I’m exasperated I wear my orthodox cross like it’s the most expensive diamond given to a queen Nobody ever suspects a thing
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
A guy once bought me, the most beautiful fiddle leaf fig tree That I picked out, of course Girl knows her houseplants My bedroom lacked the sunshine to keep my baby alive I wept on the floor staring at its fallen brown pieces Feeling like I was one of them Breaking for eternity Shrivelling up and no longer green, but serene I swallow the ground whole with my desire to love more than I ever have before Time, and time, again.
You know, a girl, who truly loves flowers Never “gets used” to receiving them Each time is special, savoured, like those commercials with women and chocolate I stop walking every few feet to capture a flower One day, a boy said to me, “do you have to stop every time” That was the end of him and I Of course, I do That’s what happens when you’re in love with white, pink, red, yellow, and blue The colours dash through your mind when you’re not scrolling on your phone Remembering the hydrangeas from Venice Beach The sunset blooms at the rose garden at the museum where you spent your birthday in your own solid company Breaking in composite structures Swallowing the rose petals on the ground
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
The dandelions on the street Say something on repeat
They love me, they live through me They engulf quite the vast part of me And every piece of their frail self that flies away with the breeze Becomes deeply embedded within me And I love it, like cotton I roll it, like marbles If I’m ever, forgotten
I hope botany never is
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
I know a girl That will never “get used” to flowers So endlessly abundant but single-handedly make this life worth it
They love me, they love me They live right through me I walk on the concrete Looking for myself
We were watching King of the Hill And oh my God, I miss your laugh The gleam in your off-shadow hazel eyes I want it to come right back I wish we could go back in time to having everything That was really all I wanted You- I will never know, the records you don’t share with company The places you go when you fall sleep
I wanted, to lay down my study materials On your teenage-flannel-style twin bed My God, I miss the whiteboard on your wall Reading all the strange things you write in your childlike handwriting I felt reserved over a handful minus one of four nights Held them damn near so close I would get tongue-tied, just trying to make conversation with a cashier at the grocery store
Behind my eyes, blinking – in time-lapse frames Your smile like a diamond without that discomforting glare You were my centrepiece, and I was quiet as a soft stone, and I liked that Not yet realizing how far-fetched it was of a thought that I could keep you Where you are And be there, too (Just a thought)
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
Oh my God, you swallowed me whole I looked forward to the weekend like I never had in my teenage years All I ever did back then, was dance around my living room like I had friends You widened my gaze and we created our own place Where teenage-flannel for a thirty-something was awfully inviting and I Never cared or considered that you weren’t romantic My God, I loved being with you Like I was of no importance You took centre stage and you painted me a grave It looked just like it does in the magazines
You went down, so far down There was no way to follow you I would have, if I could have Was not under the impression that a few bad days would turn into half a decade Panic attacks because I couldn’t reach down and grab you Shake you, wake you Get you out of this rancid, deeply isolating dream Say something like, hey, (maybe this is really nothing)
It wouldn’t have helped Because my wishes were far-fetched
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
But to this day, I don’t know if you’ll make it To be like what you created When you first said hello to me, “So, um, who are you?” So, so, so, so, so in love with you (Are you kidding me?)
Fresh piece of pastel paint It’s archaic – the cinema is I remember, we were watching a movie I got so scared You made fun of me with distant disposition and cruelty In that split second, I developed this pit in my stomach That you no longer were capable of comforting me Whatever pulled me towards you in the beginning, was not based on effort The film was playing, and I felt like crying Crawled to the kitchen and wanted to crawl out of the window So terrified of what had become of a bruised reality
Image generated for me using DALL-E by Erik Huerta (@Erikismissing on Instagram)
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
Can never get right, on paper The hypnotic daze that expands in my most cherished memories “So, um, who are you?” So attached to that phrase Teenage-minded girl Hopeful in a self-defeating mannerism It leads me to wonder It keeps me awake
What if it was a dream? What if it was all fake? Best Cabernet Sauvignon I’ve ever had in my life I could have slept for days
We were watching our favourite show And oh my God, I miss your laugh Waking up to you, hiding from daylight Should have ripped off the curtains and made you face it
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
Please Come back To this life
There is A girl Who cares
But I can’t come down That far To meet you Where you sleep
In shallow pools, I still grieve There is nobody to wake me
