Tag: Life

Poem: Paranoid and proud (10,000 times)

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Paranoid and proud (10,000)

Enigmatic, or desolate

I knock on your door slowly
Trembling
I don’t want to interrupt your work
You tell me to crawl over to the desk
I said babe, I’ve got a headache
My hair is a mess
I can’t pass your tests

I’m stupid and paranoid
None of your answers make sense
Where were you last Tuesday
Who was that in the car
You reach for another cigar
You’re the most beautiful boy but your personality is tar
You’re mean about my scars

A variation of you and me (but it’s just a fantasy)

The white roses have died
Is it me or my pride
That I always remind you of how my favorite man died
I know I’m a burden, I scream on the inside
Walking on eggshells
Tiny glass fragments
When you threw the vase at the wall because you couldn’t find your glasses
The white roses, they’ve died anyway
Entered a state of decay
Quite like I have, and it’s how I will stay
The light has left me, what do you make of my remains
I’m more revolting every day

Chaos and butterflies
Surprise me with flowers
Plant a tree every time you yawn when I talk about my interests
If this isn’t love or lust then what is this
Why do I sit on your lap every time you come around
How come I put my face to a pillow so that I don’t make a sound
How come you told me that the next time I get lost you hope I won’t ever be found
Like pitch black surround sound

I turn to the other side
I do my best to hide
Is that another exhibition of my pride?

You told me you loved to listen
You lied
Ten thousand times

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Instragram: @Lilacdovee

https://www.soundcloud.com/lilacdovee for audio readings

Poem: Wisconsin blues

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I’ll be next to you

Wisconsin blues
I’m sitting right next to you

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To be creative, you need to be able to respond to pain.

I read the news as I wait for the train
CTA baby, ask me out I’ll say maybe
I’m in need of something refreshing
Something to soothe me
Coax me out of this identity
Let me relive the past but only the brilliance of it
Please don’t send me back there
Not the facility
I can’t give up my tranquility
That appears only when the atmosphere fades to black
My insecurities are under attack
Hold on babe someone’s on the other line, wait for me, I’ll be right back

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Since the dawn of time
I can’t even remember that far ago
I like it in Wisconsin when I look out the window at the mounds of snow
I give you a kiss on the shoulder and you don’t have to say you love me, I just know
You did it again
You made my day
Took the somber right out of me
Molded me like clay
I think I’m going to be okay

I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay

On another day

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Poem: And that’s the price of fame

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Life Is sweet, or whatever baby
My roses aren’t growing and your car’s not in my parking lot
I’m flowing like hot boiling water– crashing, pour me another cup, slowly in your ceramic mug over your chamomile tea bags
I’m soft like, all the time
Not ready to make you mine
Let the L-theanine take me to space
I like it this way
Me, making the rules
But I don’t want all of the responsibility
So I roll over and I see you
What you making for breakfast, hun
I put on my blue satin robe and walk to the kitchen
See you on the phone there, so I won’t disturb
Pour my arms around you like you’re the softest bedsheets I’m buying at Bloomingdales

Hidden targets
Embedded formats

You love my perfume
Stretch your tanned neck to smell mine
Hey wrap around me, I think you’re pretty divine

Teaching me stick shift with my eyes closed

You notice my salmon pink nails
Make fun of me for being a diva
Buy me the best ashy grey graphite for my sketches
Of wedding dresses and gowns
And torn down queens
For me to take to town
See who’ll buy
(I get mean)

You’ll be smoking cigarettes nearby
I’m so proud to say that you’re my guy
I tell people for no reason at all
But I’m trying to be realistic

rose, white, pink

I’m really trying to keep my love in
Not shower you, like I might
I know you keep telling me it’s alright
I’m filled with so much love, I want to throw it out
Into the grave distance, see if it will run wild
You and I, we both need a break, we need to get out
Take breaks from falling like a bumble bee
Bring me coffee from that coffee shop you hate
You’re adapting to me

And that scares me
That scares me
Camera flashes
Fine finances
Swim deep into the vast open sea
But let’s go, take a trip to Nebraska or Kansas
I’ll wear white cowboy boots, get in your 4 by 4
My crystal cove Coca Cola babe
You can’t hurt me yet
You can’t hurt me yet
You can’t hurt me yet
You can’t hurt me yet

I haven’t lost myself yet
But I’m seeing it in you
No, don’t hurt me yet
Don’t hurt me yet
You can’t hurt me yet
You can’t-
You can’t-
Please don’t hurt me yet

But life is sweet or whatever, baby

But life is sweet or whatever, baby

written April 7, 2021 at approximately 4:14 am

Poem: Stone cold and sober

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Poem: Stone cold and sober
See you in the Southern states

I want
An indoor swimming pool
My bills paid
To keep staying sober because I think it’s making me stronger
Credit card declined because I used the wrong one
You feeding me teaspoons of sugar
Things that will never happen
Yet I’m hesitant to hopelessly give up to abandon
Resentment dialing up
7 digits on your face
To the lost and fallen I’m a disgrace
Fade into black, hold my soft embrace
I’m worth the chase
Play you like a maze
My enchanted garden, swimming pools for eternity,
Hail Mary
Hail Jesus
Rest on my soft bed, little Bambi
I’m like sour and sweet candy
Sour and sweet candy

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If the sky and the moon weren’t best friends,
Do you think we’d still like them?
I’m like your parasite
I feed and I feed off of you
Drawing in coloring books next to you
Going outside the lines
You pinch me
I’m a doll
A wound-up character
Always late for school
Not one of the skateboarders so I don’t seem cool
The librarian says I rule

13+-+Lana+Del+Rey+-+Neil+Krug

Working the late-night shift
My boss tells me I’m simultaneously the best and the worst of all humankind
I can get behind that
I’m wild like that
Solve your prayers like it’s my job
Poetry books on my bedside table
One day I’ll publish when I’m skilled and able
I’m too busy for cable
Nobody’s trustworthy, nothing I can throw your way 
The crystals unfreeze in May
My Venus is in Virgo, so my love life is a crisis
I no longer pay attention to men
Just count hundred dollar bills
Monopoly money
Come to bed, sweet honey
We’ll talk when we’re older

When we’re older
We’ll talk when we’re older
Stone-cold and sober

We’ll reminisce the good old days for eternity
For eternity

We’ll talk when we’re older
Stone-cold and sober

Links

Links

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Ça fait longtemps que ma transformation intérieure a commencé.

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“A really great talent finds its happiness in execution.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I really like that sentiment and see how it can apply to the way my life has been slowly turning around. I’ve changed some habits, rid of others, and cultivated some new ideas regarding the direction I want my life to move in. These are stressful times, but the music I listen to, the art I create and surround myself with, and other peoples’ contributions- literary, research-based, or in social situations, all constitute the rise of this change in mentality. It’s been a long time coming and I’m not “here” yet, but I’m executing, I sure am executing.