I’m sitting beside the pool Facing me Is a honeybee Attracted to fruit And a porcelain girl Soft around the edges I allow it to crawl around and wrap itself around my ring finger I guess we’re married now
Little thing It doesn’t matter how much sunblock I put on, I can’t block out the sun It’s Coming down on me, waterfalls Like smooth rainfall Leaving me flush-faced, soft grace Bitter taste Don’t remember what it feels like Can’t be bothered to recall You once had me enraptured I almost thought I had been in love Like diamonds
I’m soft peaches in the summertime I make fun of you so much for listening to Sublime It’s such bad music! Change the channel The cute expressions you get from your grandfather You’re oh so mysterious You can’t be bothered! I laugh to nobody but myself (in my head) Washed out riverbed Covered with vines, rusty garden shed Honey-crisp apples, I belong to myself The sweetest In all of the land I run right through you Like falling quicksand Can’t help it I kind of like when I tan
It reminds me of the best parts of my dad
The Dnieper river that to me was a beach I wanted to be pretty Coated in bleach Amphetamines Smother you with nothing because I’m so shallow I am only found on the surface, along with the waves I swim against the current for the epinephrine release The rush I crave Unsettling Dissatisfying Marbles in whirlpools Sadly, Patience Is killing me inside And I don’t show it because I’m so shallow I am only found on the surface With the ocean waves Find me here
You’ve got me fucked up
(You’re no one in particular)
I’m collapsing in fever dreams
I’m weighed down by the fabric
You could ask me about life and I’ll tell you it’s tragic
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic
We separate in altercations, bruises as big as a nation
You punch me in my throat just to watch me choke
Lillies in the garden in Houston
I saw your missed calls
I was too busy reading about the physics of waterfalls
If the water could wash my sins away I wouldn’t be any different
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic
I love dual-toned pickup trucks cos I love things that are fucked up
I’d write out my speech but I can tell you have had enough
I don’t like to share my thoughts out loud
I color your hair blonde, you stare in the mirror & frown
You hate yourself most when you’re lost in a crowd
I can’t feel myself breathing
I hope to God death is coming now
Please, God
Please
Fiber glass like serene amphetamines
I knew it’d only get worse when I left my iridescent teens
I’d drive on the highway
Close my eyes
Pray they don’t show me on the news
No one would be surprised
Feeling alone is an understatement but it’s my second nature
And I’ll write your worst character flaws down on crisp white paper
I want to be dressed in my favourite gown
God forbid they find me naked
I used to think one day in my twenties, I’d make it
I’m not lost or confused
I am led to think that in this life it is I who is to choose
I make my decisions best on a porch swing
I told you a thousand times to pack your things
If you find yourself in prison I said you know who to ring
And if I picked up would you be upset
Would you damage my ruins because I left
Spent a lot of time apart, me I spent the time in thought
I had reasons to like myself but shortly after I forgot
My best friend isn’t my friend anymore
These things are transient, nothing I’m of more sure
People leave because they’re make-believe
I hid somewhere deep in your treasure chest
Curled up in your father’s grey sweater that you love the best
I’m a soft dove, here I arranged a little nest
Every question I have, you treat like a test
When I took hint of the absence in your brown eyes
I began to admire the curved shape of my thighs
And I could hardly taste the sour sting of your lies
Validation from you is not something I ever looked for
The smooth r&b in this bar makes me realize that was a mistake
But if anybody ever loves me I will feel that it’s fake
I’m sent from heaven but for this world I’m not quite made
I drive down the highway to Texas in the pitch black night with my eyes closed
I don’t have my headlights on
The roads start to spin and I disengage within
I’d make such a beautiful corpse but would my father ever see?
Was living this life meant to be?
In the middle of nowhere is the only place I can speak
God, I love amphetamines
If I’m found and my eyes are rolled back, you know it was meant to be
(Love): an intense feeling of deep affectionu003cbru003e(‘Fall in love’) – develop a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone: u003cemu003eI’ve fallen in love with youu003c/emu003e | u003cemu003ewe were slowly falling in loveu003c/emu003e. u003cbru003eu003cbru003e(Lachrymal): u003cemu003eFormal or Literary u003c/emu003e- connected with weeping or tearsu003cbru003e(Lacrimal): u003cemu003ePhysiology u0026amp; Anatomyu003c/emu003e – concerned with the secretion of tears: u003cemu003elacrimal cells.u003c/emu003eu003cbru003e(Lacrimal or lacrimal bone) u003cemu003eAnatomyu003c/emu003e – a small bone forming part of the eye socket.u003cbru003eu003cbru003e
Are these the pills I’m supposed to be taking? Are these flowers all for me?
I stare despondently into the future I know nothing about florets or that which lies behind the ambivalent, shaking stars The gals on the television Their long, sultry dresses Selling ironic nickels and dimes Lana’s “Honeymoon” on constant replay because I feel betrayed It’s been a long time coming, but I think he’ll stay He has violet in his eyes Marigolds by the window, by the crisp white sunshine My best friend doesn’t respond to me I’m reading something in the next room, endearingly so I see tulips across the horizon I see guns and I hear their vacant sounds They soothe me like rivers in-between mountains that cater to the darker transparency of the light under a waning crescent moon I’ve grown familiar with the taste of metal and dental floss I want to go to bed early so that I can imagine the rain The sweet petals on the floor The bed in your wake
Million dollar babies Spoke to a mean teenager at the coffee shop A spilled Frappuccino and a run for my money Happy because my bagel was warm I’m getting older I keep telling the same stories over and over Nobody’s in town to come get me in their vintage pickup truck I bought flowers for the entire month of May It’s too early to tell but I think he’ll stay Watermelon lime and gin, grapefruit cut into three pieces Tell me you’ll love me tomorrow The day after that too Coffee to offset the backlash I get from loving you
My voice softens dreamily Creating a reality nobody could dismiss Rambling, awestruck Catches a derision of an ill-fated, rather teenage perspective Feels dim-witted, but it’s no crisis Comfortable with our personal level of security Intimacy to be identified with Rose gold dazzling earrings for the evening bits Cognizant that the perceptions of others are theirs to keep And when we lie in our sweet coffins, our mothers will weep I never want to wake you when I see you’re fast asleep Picture me in your dreams Growing fonder and fonder I don’t scare, but I do startle You know me; I collect pink vases – originally wine bottles You know my last name but the spelling you’ve forgotten I don’t get mad
Identifying the bones of the branches that fell from the Sycamore out back (where we sip coffee without sugar, because we live life to the fullest) I told you live Oak weaves deep tangled webs you can’t escape from Solemn state or black residue I see myself in my visions of you I’ll never bend or break, it’s not in my aptitude You’re formulaic with cushion-cut diamonds and pink lemonade For your favorite birthday, I’ll throw you a whole parade Take you to Ireland, where the abandoned castles are made Peach tint engraved The days on the river with all the green The way you looked at me I could never get that scene out of my head I never could
And when we lie in our tarnished coffins, our fathers won’t say much, but they too will weep I never dare wake you up when I’m home late and you’re beautifully asleep Playing with dandelions in your ivory dreams
I think this life’s a mess But I’m growing fonder and fonder of its shortcomings, it seems And I play Lana’s “Honeymoon” on enrapturing repeat If you listened to the words, you’d see it was written just for me She would deny it, but you’d have to agree Concrete pours like sparkling waterfalls Basking in the sunlight, as if God gave it to us for free If Terrence loves you, then my god, you love me
The way you looked at me I could never get that scene out of my mind I never could
Raspberries and bleachers, always got my head in the clouds Let’s go to all the places we’re not allowed Diamonds have meaning when I look at them now It always feels special when you come around town I place faith in you Because you place value in me Playing your new song with heavy surround sound
Being happy sounds nice & refreshing It’s seldom what I’m ever expecting And you know how I love to keep you guessing Tune you in to that in which I’m obsessing
A transient thought My hopeless nature I’m getting the feeling I’m kind of your favourite
I place faith in you Because you place value in me Life is sublime with its intricate subtleties Four thirty a.m., I’m so glad we could speak Come over & share the entire room with me
Fresh rosemary and homegrown tomatoes on the vine I’m one in a million Truth be told, I’ll make you mine I want to be there for you while I’m still in my prime I’ll teach you the names of all the bones in your spine
I’m not going to leave You paint the white on my teeth I keep you somewhere very close to me Honorable mention in my thoughts Lemonade & apricots Picnics underneath the white sunshine
I said it; I meant it I laughed, then forgot Your beloved sports team and our love for Arthropods I’ll bring you calm whenever you get pissed off Let’s live in the sparkling world that belongs to God
I tend to forget what I’m worth I’ll trust that your intention is not to hurt We’ll wear each others’ onyx black and charcoal grey shirts We’ll create our own version of heaven on Earth
I’m willing to place faith in you If you take notice of the value in me
I ask you, “then how come we aren’t together?” While you put your cigarette out in the pocket of your sweater, And I think you’re confused No way out, know I’ll lose It’s not like I’ve given every last chance straight to you
Vintage baby-blue automobiles Crystals, fragrance Modern, ancient Total & never-ending disengagement Yeah, I meant it Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said it Vintage baby-blue automobiles Hot like you’re burning, red hot wheels I’ve already memorized how me leaving is supposed to feel
Sliding down playgrounds with a grey balloon in my hand Wearing my Chicago Cubs baseball cap because I’m their biggest fan You make fun of how pale I am, how I never seem to tan It’s like this It’s like this Turn towards me Turn towards me One soft lock of hair, boy with a nosebleed
It’s like this It’s like this Just sit still (Just stay still) Mornings sitting on the hood of your car Talking about how in our lives we haven’t made it very far Vintage baby-blue automobiles Prove to me that this time your love will be real Promise and don’t lie that like summer, I will feel Turn towards me Turn towards me
It’s like this It’s like this Just sit still (Fucking stay still!) Mornings sitting on the trunk of your car Talking about how, baby, you’re gonna be a star Vintage baby-blue automobiles Swear to me that this time your love will be real Promise and don’t lie that the ocean will turn me surreal Make me feel hopeless
You’re perfect So worth it You’re perfect So worth it
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