Poem: In retrospect (amphetamines)

Poem: In retrospect (amphetamines)

I’m starting to wonder what I’m like without the amphetamines
I already know I’m hostile and mean
Your blue eyes don’t interest me
I like them brown
I like my men grown
Got themselves together
An automobile and incoming checks
At least enough to pay their own rent
Money well spent
Money well spent

I’m starting to wonder what I’m like without the benzodiazepines
I remember you and I at Seal Beach when things were serene
Then I fought you in the loft
That changed your opinion from me as soft
I almost won
I almost won

I’m starting to wonder what I’m like without the lithium carbonate
Go to the skate park just to watch the boys skate
I like seeing them try their best
I like seeing them try their best
Blues and greys intertwine
Red is the colour of my favourite wine
I have an inverted disc in my spine

I perk up and sit up straight
Think I’m real hot ’cause I got a nice date
He passes me utensils and chews with his mouth closed
He’s smart and he’s sharp, a good fit I suppose
But you and I are chapters I’d rather not close
I’m starting to wonder what it’s like by not going on a date with someone just to feel far from you
Escape is far-fetched

I loved us in the sun at the beloved Malibu
My heart-shaped sunglasses because I’m such a beauty queen
Your ache-filled stories about essentially being a grown-up teen
You made me smile with my teeth
You made me smile with my teeth
But I felt disposable to you
The next girl will come, and I’ll be nothing to you
As the seasons change this is something I should expect
But I look at my phone and there are no better prospects
With me it takes forever for me to connect
Speckled-birds sing a melody in the tree
I think they’re singing for me
I think they’re singing for me

This isn’t a love poem but I’ll still make it pink
Remember in my floral dress I poured you a cold drink
We were never on the same page, I think
And I know you read my poems
And I know you read my poems
And I know you read my poems
And I know you won’t read this

Harmony is a difficult attachment to break

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