You & your white car

He didn’t show up with flowers
He was late, by a few hours
I drank with myself and shuddered at night
Some kind of partner, he was less than alright
Thought I could change him, thought I might
It couldn’t have been more of a lie

Waving goodbye when your white car drives past
You make bad decisions and the memories don’t last
But you look like you’re smiling, like you’re having a blast
Distant airwaves, motorcycles
Raccoons in the distance to wave to
You never went to work did you
You lost that job, didn’t you

But everyday
9 to 5
He was working the tough man’s shift
No details about it but I didn’t cause a rift
It was already a sinking relationship
But I told myself, doll you can handle it
He can’t feel remorse, it’s not there in his brain
The phone will play so many dials you’ll at last reach pain
Again and again

You never went to work, did you
Waving goodbye when your white car drives by
No pictures to remember you were having a blast
Baby, you were moving too fast

We never did last
Not even in the photographs

Crisp green apples

I’m going to get through this
Whether you and I do this
Or not
I can do big things within my small frame
In the daytime when you’re sleeping and you’re soft and you’re tame
You drive me insane!
You can’t even spell my last name

I woke up and was afraid of you
That crisp honeysuckle, ash-shed night
You made the lights all bright
Wanted to see me, see me, in crystal pure
I looked at your light skin, green eyes, and felt unsure
You were out the door

Early-morning awakening, remnants of stars
We only get along because we stay from each other afar
Cool jazz, background, playing from another place
You hop off the kitchen counter and you cradle my face
You only wear black, we say goodbye on Sundays
Am I worth the chase?

Chill breeze flowing through my long blonde hair
You aren’t one to admire but you’re trying not to stare
You’re trying not to stare
I’m well aware
You want the whole day with me
Daisies at the market, we stand in line
For the other girls you’re purchasing red wine
And you whisper in my ear, it’s only you and me this time

Well I feel mighty fine
Crisp green apples from your father’s tree
I’m going to make you mine
Only you and me this time

Matter (cobain)

My friends don’t read my poetry
Even when they say they do
They don’t know black from blue
They don’t know deranged like I do

My friends don’t text me back
Nobody sees me as important
I’m real funny, know that for sure
But when things get real, people get bored
A pretty girl in a stained dress is such an eyesore

My friends don’t come pick me up, say I live too far
I’m in the middle of nowhere next to an empty park
I’d go running at night but I’m scared of the dark
Scared of having to tell officers I don’t know my way home
The sound of cars used to soothe me to sleep
Now it won’t leave me alone
Too nostalgic for the city
That was when people thought I was pretty
We’d lay on the ground and laugh
Like, I got your back
No matter how far

My friends don’t exist in my life anymore
Unless I make one up, like Cobain
My god, that man was in such pain
He understood what it felt like to be annoyed
How impossible it is to fill a black-and-white void
Because when they no longer love you, they destroy

Forty seconds till it matters
Rain on my roof, pitter patter
Basement rats, watch them scatter
I just wish I fucking mattered

I just wish I-

Your needs (horrifying)

Inside of you there’s something horrifying that nobody can touch
I’ve seen it
I’ve felt it
It was inescapable because I loved you so much
I’d crumble straight into dust
And you’d put on your yellow gloves
And do what you do
You get rid of me
Dark charcoal clouds of animosity
For what?

Your fear of being too much
For one person
Because you know how hard you can crush a girl like me like stained glass
A vase that’s been holding your freshest flowers and keeping them alive for a year
Blended into the scenery
You, unimpressed with the blooming
Coming home, everyday fuming
White roses on Cherry Ave
I loved that day, how about you

Emergency calls
Getting so mad you punch holes in my walls
Loved you so much I didn’t mind
Loved you so much I paid the fine
I let it go every single time
You were gone when you were mine
Loved you so much I thought things were fine
Loved you so much with or without the wine
You didn’t believe me

You didn’t need me
You needed