Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the SoundCloud portion.
I’m working on a new email newsletter for post updates. xx
Love poem: Tired surprise
I want someone to unwind me Unravel me & cover me back up with ivory satin Lying on your bed while we listen to electric guitar Devour me on purpose Taste my flesh Get away with murder in a hospital bed
I want to be Your lightning and your fire But calm like a river bed Give to you what your parents never did Be like the cool buzz from half a can of beer Charming, light, open you up to the silliness of life That I hope you see too, and when we come together We can make diamonds come alive Spoon-feed cherry blossoms their evening supper Truly, and I mean truly Care for one another
I’m a swan in the water, I’m a storm when I drive Hands clasped behind his back He doesn’t want to keep talking about this But I do You have to choose somebody that accepts every part of you For someone who’s often misunderstood Such will take a long time I close my eyes and think of how long I’ll be on this ride Then glance in the mirror, see the twinkle in my eyes I could be someone’s most beautiful surprise
Calm like a river bed Charming and light Not afraid of the deep end, the stones with colours that have never been named I don’t want to feel ashamed Of the space I occupy The words that come out when I haven’t thought carefully enough I don’t want to be ashamed Of the person I adore when it’s just me in my room I told you, I’m forever in bloom Vacate the room if that’s not cool with you
Sleeping soundly and not wanting to be disturbed He doesn’t want to keep talking about this But I do I do Thinking about the things that seem to only have meaning for you It’s exhausting Time is fragile A car’s despairing exhaust The first of December’s crystals of frost
Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the Soundcloud portion. I’m currently testing a Push notification application. xx
Myelin sheath: an insulating layer that forms around nerves, including those in the brain & spinal cord
Love poem: Satin sheets/myelin sheaths
Softening Softening once more Softening even further, forever more
This gentle life And you wish your poetry posts got as much attention as your self-portraits do How’s that supposed to feel? I’m in knots, I haven’t not gotten over you Arachnids spinning cobwebs in my mind The glass mirror looks so good, so perfectly together You would smash it to pieces if I’d let you just try
Standing on the edge of a river Pebbles holding me, I hold them back I am safe with myself (I am only safe with myself) How’s that supposed to feel? Adjust my glasses & play with the cobwebs I’m spinning like an obsolete carousel in violent orange & blue, wicked flames
As arachnids spin webs in the tiny spaces between my neurons They know the pharmacology I don’t They watch the synapses like cityscapes Like a vintage cinema screen How’s that feel? How’s that feel to me? Hold the cross on my necklace to remind me that there’s more There’s more across this river Want to lay down, but I don’t think I’d ever get up from this Bed of flowers Holding cobwebs Paying attention to what nobody pays attention to Dream world for sure
I’m a very good swimmer I can’t even fake drown My body sure does love me And I love it too, for the first time in twenty-something years A drive-by shooting that sounds like bursting fireworks Illegal in California but on wholesale in the suburbs of Texas The wildlife Skips across the myelin sheath of my brain How’s that feel? How’s that really feel, to me?
You’re mowing your lawn & cursing every girl you ever met Honey, I can’t get behind that The fuzzy pedals of arachnids Sewing me white satin dreamscapes Dissolve right in, come dissolve right in Not my time to free you from the confines of your mind
The arches of my body Oh, they love me, they really love me Neck pain so bad it wakes me up in the middle of the night Play your electric guitar, Solve your computer security program Do it far away from me I’m kissing spiders when I sleep
Oh, how much they love me Oh, how much I love them in return Maybe they’ll rearrange my spinal cord So I won’t have to hurt
Then I won’t have to hurt Arachnids sewing me white, satin dreamscapes Trembling softly, getting softer Forever more
Oh, how much they love me Oh, how much I love them in return Oh, how this city feels Like it’s evacuating me
Trembling softly Getting softer I’m in love with cobwebs that are in love with me
Free verse poem: This is my castle (they built it for the queen)
All I want is some wine To know that you’ve tried But I don’t get what I want, but in case you forgot, This is my castle; they built it for the queen I’ve gone by my nickname since I was nineteen I picked the cherry stems just fine Wrapped them around you in due, hazel time Not unsettled by rage, only burnt by hot sunshine There is a time and a place For letting me go tonight I can only live in shades of blue for so long
You’ll call when you’re drinking But the rosemary and fever dream has me thinking That in this warm abyss, I’m finally putting myself first I’m the most decadent of late-night desserts (I don’t care if I get hurt) Moving like the Chicago Transit Authority that picks me up every fifteen minutes, To sit and watch the downtown splendor, the people having conversations The luxurious skyscrapers with their gleaming reflections on the river My god, if you could see it My god, if only you could see it Reels of the same film run through my mind
I look at the lilac flowers That I picked out for myself You handed your credit card to the cashier and made my head hurt You didn’t want to be there You pinched my weakest nerves But they fired back, like dropped bombs on a 1990s Cadillac I was confused when I looked in the mirror, and I wasn’t blushing Why, as a young girl, did I feel nothing?
I moved, so briskly I held them, so close I always hold flowers so deathly close to me Can’t help having something in my life I don’t intend to have and to hold, as the evening unfolds I’m mesmerized by the dusky, disorderly, crimson, secluded, and mechanical sky I can’t help having something in my life without keeping it close-by I’m a porcelain and ivory, soft-hearted girl All you had to do was try All you had to do was try
Ice cream summer popsicle dreams Muscle relaxant mixed with white amphetamines To handle the chaos that you collided with mine I think there’s a right place, and a right time But if you call late at night, know I’ve had some red wine So the pauses are longer When you hold your breath, No longer allowed to lay your head on my chest Coming to terms with what I’m led to believe You’ve been lying to me I saw it; I grabbed it; I wreaked some fucking havoc Internally, always Internally No longer lying awake as you, beside me, breathe
An exemplary paradise for your magical thinking She’s the one, she’s the only one Who cared to ask about Things you couldn’t say out loud To anyone, anyone She’s the one, she’s the only one She’ll be the one, she’ll be the only one To tell you the truth To show you who you are She’s the only one She’ll be the only one
I’ve moved in a geometric possession to the interwoven mention, Of “boyfriend,” and “happy” And “I don’t want to,” A passing thought: was I gentle enough As if in my lifetime, I’ve ever been rough Like a foreign identity I’ve latched onto lately To remove your hesitation with no A+ on my exam I rest my heavy head in my pale hands I pull you back and forth like a rubber band I’m swimming and I don’t want to come up to breathe
But I have to I have to
Like fine black metal branches, delicate though not brittle, The uncertainty Is damaging It feels Like tragedy Knocking on hell’s door asking if I’m ready for some more Are you ready for some more? The peaches were more vibrant than I could have dreamt them up to be But they’re only on a painting that was completed in the 17th century Find myself alone in this maze of lost equilibrium There’s an error in your calculations The past has nothing to do with the girl standing before you It’s taken me 26 years to learn the blind cannot be cured by me Even though it’s my specialty Even though it was real to me, Even though I
Count blueberries and pick off their tiny stems On a blanket, it rains; I am hopeful again For a time when I’m sitting in a boy’s passenger seat, and he looks at me And he’ll feel so free The thought of belonging to me They have led astray me, but don’t go by a day That I don’t count the ways
I grow softer, and softer As I learn man’s ways,
I grow softer and softer I don’t lose myself in the haze If you knew what I know, My god, you’d be amazed
Wild sweet jasmine To be your Ruby red grapefruit, in the evenings I created the end, and I made it into a new beginning Cowboys on ranches far away White carnations Love letters – February through May The bitter ruins of my golden but soft decay My work is my turmoil, my kingdom is where I’ve come home to play Twirl my hair around thorns, like the ocean Softly sway Hips in the distance Grey fossils, treasured finds A new day, a fresh surprise My loving green eyes
Tan corduroy jacket Your bitter resentment Hollow times with crisp features A medieval castle for which the chambers held me too tightly At an uneven slant A rug on the floor of rather ravishing woodwork Fine craftsmanship Estranged notices French boutiques Dolls, eerily Arranged In singular form Entranced forever When you say your prayers, who are you saying them to Do you believe they can hear you?
John Wayne’s face engraved on a keychain I bought in a tiny town in Texas The boys were awfully nice They said the funniest things I could imagine, I could imagine Turning suddenly Away from the shore Hardly ever get bored Always waiting for more Deftones on megaphones White leather cowboy boots, whatever fashion means to you It means nothing to me; I’m so at peace in the wild country I want to be smothered in everything I want the most handsome boy in the entire world to come marry me
A sticker peeling off a cup, washed one too many times I saw what you wrote in your letter I thought you hinted at Despondency It was transparent So fluid I almost didn’t have to read between the margins You held your gaze low I knew what you were about I can ache but I can hardly shout Not a day goes by where I don’t rearrange my doubts And I may mean little to you, but that’s something to think about The violent vehemence of what this rendition says in whispers to you, me My small town My spam risk My desolate, brisk characteristics like islets of weakness and Beethoven Beaming down the hallway Fresh-faced, rosy She’s so pretty, she’s so pretty, she’s so graceful & pretty Mid-16th century dream queen
Am I reminiscent of anything that bores you to death Amphitheaters of despair Hold me Unfold me Run wild with me
Be forever unafraid with me
Who do you say your prayers to Do you really believe they can hear you
And that’s all that he needs from her Pretty gal in his Vans t-shirt “Felt cute,” so I matched it with a plaid skirt I didn’t think you’d notice; when you didn’t, it still hurt
To know that I Am not The important figurine my egotistical self deems me to be If our destinations were predetermined, I know you’d still find a way to hurt me on purpose Was so confused, wondered why I was acting so nervous Fell into a tar black trap trying to become perfect I think to myself, was it worth it If it’s me, you’ll always think less Doesn’t matter the lip shade or the dress Doesn’t matter how warm the hostess
The pretty dresses that I bought to look like your housewife Don’t even fit me anymore since I recovered and came back to life I don’t think paradise is Looking at a light pink satin gown Having daydreams, strolling around town Nobody to look at, so where I look is down Beneath the surface, off the edges, your voice is my favourite sound I hate, hate, hate not having it around You lost yourself or something, your irrationality is profound In this parallel universe, a new beginning is what I’ve found When I think about my love, I kind of love myself now
Ambiguity and confusion Inspiration and bliss Hair soft & golden, my perfume is what you’ll miss The floral soft magnitudes The strings on your toys One of your wrong moves was assuming there were any other boys When the yelling got too heavy, I surrendered to the noise I never cried in front of you; I held myself with poise Some things don’t really matter when you don’t have a choice
I recognized a softness In you, but it was me I’m the girl with pastel colours, who makes life lovely A beautiful, sacred place to be You felt so far away that I could not see The visions that you had of me kept smothering me You had an advantage You ran out of chances You never considered the stones I held To believe in something, to pretend You loved being adored I was alone and bored Pick out keychains with our names at the corner store Saying that you love me always seemed like such a chore
You move one way, I step right back I held on tight; I now regret that It takes some time for me to become attached But the memories that we contain run like a time-lapse And I have flashbacks Panic attacks Running right after you, you screaming right back I’m the glass wind shield, you’re the baseball bat This isn’t what love is like, do you realize that?
I made my resolution early To not find myself trapped I wrap my wings around my torso like a little baby bat I think of you while in traffic, I get so mad I’m not your baby doll no more, I’m never coming back
Running right after you, you screaming right back I’m the Victorian vanity mirror, you’re the one whose mad Then you tell me you love me, but you look at me like that I’m not your baby doll no more
