I can’t fall in love with you if you’re across the room from me
But I can’t change you Been so endlessly patient with you Waiting for the thunderstorm to clear, yet a new one comes in hot Shows me my fears Pours hot coffee all over me Covered
I bit my inner lip Overflowing with an unwelcoming anxiety Until both the insides of the top and bottom started to bleed & as the blood poured in Filling the tiny spaces between my teeth I could taste the iron & I felt closer to myself Than I did Looking in your bathroom mirror Wondering why the tiles on the floor have to be so nice The bathtub so luxurious, so unused A pitfall of possibilities & potential Thought I was steering towards irrationality But all it was Was hope & isn’t that familiar Isn’t that something I could dissolve deeply into
I realized, there was nothing to save If I could just have that museum day Back & I’d be on time & you’d see that I’ve been waiting what feels like my whole life To look into somebody’s eyes & feel safe
But this empty space – This is not the place These are the alleyways your parents warned you about The Instagram posts about what red flags to look for Suddenly you’re driving and cannot stop thinking About how someone doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad person to still be unfulfilling to you I swallowed that truth It’s all a girl like me can do – One who dreams in pink Prays every second she blinks Doesn’t ever let spiders go down the sink
Unless they want to Unless they beg me to Then, what am I to do?
This Is me Letting go Of you
It’s all A girl Like me Can do
I can’t fall in love with you if you won’t walk across the room towards me
I have to be very careful Because I’ve been I’ve been in these rivers before I swallowed marbles and bubbles and committed acts you’d say were inhumane I was a small girl I was in pain
I have to play my cards right Because I just want everything to be serene, the water clear Everything to be perfectly alright I’ve been waiting I’ve been waiting for you I’ve been waiting I’ve been waiting for you
I’ve spent long nights Wondering Thinking Just thinking About everything that keeps me away from you And how The line is so thin And I think I’m going to cross it again Like an avalanche in my brain
I’m looking at you but you’re not even Not even looking at me I’m looking at you but you’re not even Not even looking at me Like I’m too blind to see Like I’m too naive to believe That you would be in love with me Not even looking at me Are you in love with me Why won’t you, why won’t you tell me Not even looking at me
Million, million, million, million things I could say, now, in this field of wildflowers Hey! I can’t find my landscape You’re all I ever dreamt of I’m falling asleep while I’m awake I don’t know, I don’t know How all you do is take How all you do is take
Like an avalanche I spread my wings and pick them off, one by one I have “feelings” and you don’t have “emotions” I wish I could sit with a typewriter and feed words into your head Things I want on a handwritten note Delivered to me by mail Always on time, without fail A napkin from a fancy cafe in Paris Baby, I can tell you all the right things to say Why, why can’t things just go perfectly my way Is it unsettling The way things come into play The way night turns into day I can’t look away
You can’t convince someone You can’t convince someone to stay But you look so good So good So good So good So good When you walk away When you walk away Away Away Away
When you walk away The way night turns into day Like an avalanche in my brain
You know I stopped myself before I could love you But We broke apart And I can’t help but stare At your blank, sad face And the only thing sad about it Is that you’re not afraid to let me go You’re not afraid to let
I tried to wake up But I’m always on the wrong side of the bed We never got to have that night in the hotel We never got to have that heavenly first dance The first and the last pages don’t make me too sad It’s the way the world turns Your fingers latched on Not very tight Like a blouse that’s unloosened A foggy memory that never becomes clear
I’m trying to relive the skyscrapers and unraveling chaos Though all that comes to mind in abstract vision and delusion, Is you screaming in my direction Telling me to stop Telling me to stop Telling me to stop
What makes you so afraid To show love to an unloved person The way you play guitar It makes me so sad It makes me so sad Not for anything do you feel bad Like grey, fallen embers on a cold winter night Even though you’d say you’d never Be there for me Your sovereignty Your power
And I remember you Telling me to stop Telling me to stop Telling me to Telling me to stop
Feeling the things that only I do The distance that separates me from jagged, carbon you In ocean waves, we grasp at what feels familiar What’s underneath us will quench our thirst Yours, preferably Mine, isn’t regarded Unless it’s four in the afternoon & the sun is piercing your nerves Telling you that these antics are your last fatal curse I’m far removed To tell you the truth I do only the things the boldest among us do
I don’t wait until there’s nothing left to take In the distance between your brown eyes And these soft, fallen embers of Victorian blue Crawl back Crawl back Panic attack Mesh and in pieces Forgive me for grieving
All ends in love, and love has its reasons Come find me Come find me Come find me Come find me
It’s so unnerving Like an earthquake on purpose It’s so delectable Like you’ve lost your ability to reason
I’m always portrayed as the one who leaves the throne Gown is disheveled, porcelain skin intact Like an earthquake on purpose Telling me to stop
Feeling the things that only I do What has become of rage has given its way to you
A love poem about admiration & being interpreted as an authentic rendition.
A chamber orchestra to tell you that I liked you in that grey t-shirt Where stillness isn’t illness & former wounds don’t hurt Moving my bed for me Minding the carefully close-cut angles Sweet diamond necklace for Your baby girl Soft as a feather Lie here forever Absorb the crisp meadow fog that bestows upon us In our transient youth We carry inherent truth Teardrops like vessels that transmit to the azure My ivory-white dress Hair is a mess Porcelain flesh
Find me in your wake
We drift like sovereign kingdoms unheard of I don’t know your middle name And this playground is made for the game We play where you hold me when it’s dark outside And the streetlights have yet to become undone Every weekday I rise before the sun Make you early morning toast Vegan butter for my lover You make me laugh in ways nobody ever has And you’re so good at that Turning my eyes lilac
Eyelashes painted tar pitch black Tainted with dismay, but The softest, quietest features make up your Sweeping shoulders A worn man with a contractor’s tan That moves like sunbeams across flourishing streams Finding meaning Hope is so fleeting But like windmills, we find a day’s work ahead And you crawl in bed Influenced by times I had said, I would be here to calm your nerves Patient and kind, like a little bird I’ll be so warm, nothing has to hurt
I set a little trap; in it, I gathered dewdrops Fragrances from the heavens Get me home by eleven Lay on your truck bed and I tell you I’m scared The future felt obsolete but, When our gaze meets I find you in a pocket of porcelain teeth Gnawing at the frostbite The howling of the mariner’s night You rearrange your textbooks and I, light as a pinion Slip out of the way and I want you to stay In your grey t-shirt so I can admire The fibers that overlay your hardened shoulders Something inside me no longer unnerving The weight of the earth no longer a burden You’d go mad from the chaos in my sheath
A smoothness to my skin that absolves sins The way I’m lighthearted, like no one ever departed Leaving me to stand in the snow that is falling And it is now that I think I am stalling From telling you, I see Amber rays underneath your eyelids In the near distance, a gathering of kids Laughing like God allowed them to celebrate We’ve got our entire lives to make what’s never been made Your swarm of avalanches The dark-cornered branches This is my stop; I’m home now and In mint julep transience and snowy ambiance I’ve somehow arrived in your department The flowers in the vase in the center of my apartment The things that make me smile before I go to lock it
Behind me to turn to you and We drove through Stars and Stripes Detonating furiously like January ice We slipped and fell in front of a chamber orchestra A noise I can only recollect when you object To me, choosing a spot in the shade,
You want the sun’s rays to cast their marvel on my figurine, my sugared marmalade Vast open skies Graceful, feminine thighs I’m fair-skinned, I know, but your words go to show You want to have me in the best possible light Get the green in my patient & reserved eyes, just right Note the ash blonde strands that are tied with a ribbon Falling slightly on my face, Terrible thing to waste Being at the right time at the right age
When you are near I don’t have to fear That I will be seen differently than I am composed
It’s gentle velvet days and nights like those That I don’t mind you being so close In your charcoal-grey, woven-cotton t-shirt
To see me as delicately as I am composed It’s silk & satin days and nights like those That I just love you being so close
Raspberries and bleachers, always got my head in the clouds Let’s go to all the places we’re not allowed Diamonds have meaning when I look at them now It always feels special when you come around town I place faith in you Because you place value in me Playing your new song with heavy surround sound
Being happy sounds nice & refreshing It’s seldom what I’m ever expecting And you know how I love to keep you guessing Tune you in to that in which I’m obsessing
A transient thought My hopeless nature I’m getting the feeling I’m kind of your favourite
I place faith in you Because you place value in me Life is sublime with its intricate subtleties Four thirty a.m., I’m so glad we could speak Come over & share the entire room with me
Fresh rosemary and homegrown tomatoes on the vine I’m one in a million Truth be told, I’ll make you mine I want to be there for you while I’m still in my prime I’ll teach you the names of all the bones in your spine
I’m not going to leave You paint the white on my teeth I keep you somewhere very close to me Honorable mention in my thoughts Lemonade & apricots Picnics underneath the white sunshine
I said it; I meant it I laughed, then forgot Your beloved sports team and our love for Arthropods I’ll bring you calm whenever you get pissed off Let’s live in the sparkling world that belongs to God
I tend to forget what I’m worth I’ll trust that your intention is not to hurt We’ll wear each others’ onyx black and charcoal grey shirts We’ll create our own version of heaven on Earth
I’m willing to place faith in you If you take notice of the value in me
