I cut the chrysanthemum flowers, and you ruffle through my drawers Pigeon blue and staining through You cut your losses Roll over onto the pink duvet cover You look beautiful on my bed Like you just got out of the shower Like you’ll finally let me hold you Sweet dreams for a nap You can have it like that Autumn is approaching soon, and your eyes are sparkling brown I’m going to find their distinct shade in the leaves of the fall Up to heaven’s gate, we can have it all I think you have somebody to call
Evenings Frostbite The way we fight Like water holding the boat afloat Like your friends and everyone else you know Stay here in the shade with rare sun rays reaching your chest and shedding light You need something bright Something that fits you To keep up with your wild attention span That pays itself its dues
You, my boy that lies beside me Neutral palette, got it down I love when you take me around town It’s nice when the evenings come around
I don’t want nothin’ The taste in my mouth To want is to crave is to isolate Like you’re sick
I may care to admit that it was my fault My not bothering to understand you, ask the things that really mattered What is it that you do to relax after a stressful day? Tell me about the things that frighten you Make sure for our sake that I’m not one of those things
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
I’m a dandelion In your crystal abyss of a forlorn cave, I don’t cry very often I want you to hold me throughout the day Feel close to me I’m free-flowing like a loose feather A father that doesn’t scold his kid A mother who holds you right back
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
I’m driving, just like everybody. Driving you crazy, but I think you like it I’m obsessed with roses and peonies and you’re obsessed with my Burberry perfume We make a good pair and I like the way I look in the windowpane glare Cos I’m happy for some reason, for some reason, Can you tell; can you tell?
You drive a jaguar, no, I’m just kidding It’s a Subaru Do you have any reason to believe that I don’t think you’re super cute You drink your key lime and strawberry And you like my Burberry Perfume the way it Sneaks up on ya Don’t ya wanna Hold me forever for the rest of the night
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
An auteur to be reckoned with, to be recognized I saw the way you polish your shoes Like you want to fade into the background I’ll grab you right back I’m hospitable like that Sit next to you on a garden swing
Love poem: Polished shoes & Burberry perfume (continued)
Don’t ya wanna Hold me forever for the rest of the day Don’t you want to Tell me you’re going to stay
Sometimes I look at, my flowers that have died And I find them more beautiful than when they were alive.
Last year, my family got the most beautiful, dark-green noble fir Christmas tree we ever had In a pop-up parking lot full of his friends I personally found him more appealing before he was decorated Then I cut 6 inches off my hair No more split ends
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
Somebody stole our Christmas ornaments from the car The little cute animals my mother and I laughed about when we saw them in a store forever ago I hope they felt happy in their new home, Wherever they ended up, I just hope they weren’t disposed.
Some people – you start to feel disposable to them, Like the sweetness you carry doesn’t bear any weight, Like it means nothing that whatever stories they tell you, will never be shared with a single soul Not used as small talk to break the ice Never told at “parties” That I imagine I’d be attending with my future lover because other people have families & other people have friends & other people have obligations & events Birthdays to attend & other people might wonder why I’m not there, and I want to be more than polite for I’m awfully curious About that sort of life. I pretend I’m not but, I really am.
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
I didn’t want you for your money or what you promised me I was just so calm when I would laugh with you You introduced me to emojis Now I use them constantly You’re well aware I love cuteness I know you favour my modesty Something got in our way You may not want to admit it was from both sides I never knew you that well Though of course I still cried
Come to my front gate Wait in front of your car I’ll wear the outfit I picked out At the very start
Come to my front gate To see me, now I’ll wear full-on sweats So you have nothing to think about
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
But I know you a little more than I think I do Who knows if I’ll ever find out if that’s true I know you a tiny bit more than you think you do Who knows if you’ll ever understand that it’s true
Sometimes I look at, my flowers that have died And I find them more beautiful than when they were alive.
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I am, a dandelion that’s losing its ligules A dandelion on the street Stepped on, on repeat – bracing the wind, but falling apart Missing my roots Crying because I won’t be in a vehicle with my father ever again But the koala-grey sidewalk embraces me like its only friend
Gasping, breaking, compact but fragile – for eternity Not asking anyone to save me Because rap songs taught me that’s commonly dismissed Neglected and disposed of (Why am I so delicate?) I breathe it and I love it, but God please help me, I’m exasperated I wear my orthodox cross like it’s the most expensive diamond given to a queen Nobody ever suspects a thing
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
A guy once bought me, the most beautiful fiddle leaf fig tree That I picked out, of course Girl knows her houseplants My bedroom lacked the sunshine to keep my baby alive I wept on the floor staring at its fallen brown pieces Feeling like I was one of them Breaking for eternity Shrivelling up and no longer green, but serene I swallow the ground whole with my desire to love more than I ever have before Time, and time, again.
You know, a girl, who truly loves flowers Never “gets used” to receiving them Each time is special, savoured, like those commercials with women and chocolate I stop walking every few feet to capture a flower One day, a boy said to me, “do you have to stop every time” That was the end of him and I Of course, I do That’s what happens when you’re in love with white, pink, red, yellow, and blue The colours dash through your mind when you’re not scrolling on your phone Remembering the hydrangeas from Venice Beach The sunset blooms at the rose garden at the museum where you spent your birthday in your own solid company Breaking in composite structures Swallowing the rose petals on the ground
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
The dandelions on the street Say something on repeat
They love me, they live through me They engulf quite the vast part of me And every piece of their frail self that flies away with the breeze Becomes deeply embedded within me And I love it, like cotton I roll it, like marbles If I’m ever, forgotten
I hope botany never is
Love poem: Fell back in love with myself (continued)
I know a girl That will never “get used” to flowers So endlessly abundant but single-handedly make this life worth it
They love me, they love me They live right through me I walk on the concrete Looking for myself
We were watching King of the Hill And oh my God, I miss your laugh The gleam in your off-shadow hazel eyes I want it to come right back I wish we could go back in time to having everything That was really all I wanted You- I will never know, the records you don’t share with company The places you go when you fall sleep
I wanted, to lay down my study materials On your teenage-flannel-style twin bed My God, I miss the whiteboard on your wall Reading all the strange things you write in your childlike handwriting I felt reserved over a handful minus one of four nights Held them damn near so close I would get tongue-tied, just trying to make conversation with a cashier at the grocery store
Behind my eyes, blinking – in time-lapse frames Your smile like a diamond without that discomforting glare You were my centrepiece, and I was quiet as a soft stone, and I liked that Not yet realizing how far-fetched it was of a thought that I could keep you Where you are And be there, too (Just a thought)
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
Oh my God, you swallowed me whole I looked forward to the weekend like I never had in my teenage years All I ever did back then, was dance around my living room like I had friends You widened my gaze and we created our own place Where teenage-flannel for a thirty-something was awfully inviting and I Never cared or considered that you weren’t romantic My God, I loved being with you Like I was of no importance You took centre stage and you painted me a grave It looked just like it does in the magazines
You went down, so far down There was no way to follow you I would have, if I could have Was not under the impression that a few bad days would turn into half a decade Panic attacks because I couldn’t reach down and grab you Shake you, wake you Get you out of this rancid, deeply isolating dream Say something like, hey, (maybe this is really nothing)
It wouldn’t have helped Because my wishes were far-fetched
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
But to this day, I don’t know if you’ll make it To be like what you created When you first said hello to me, “So, um, who are you?” So, so, so, so, so in love with you (Are you kidding me?)
Fresh piece of pastel paint It’s archaic – the cinema is I remember, we were watching a movie I got so scared You made fun of me with distant disposition and cruelty In that split second, I developed this pit in my stomach That you no longer were capable of comforting me Whatever pulled me towards you in the beginning, was not based on effort The film was playing, and I felt like crying Crawled to the kitchen and wanted to crawl out of the window So terrified of what had become of a bruised reality
Image generated for me using DALL-E by Erik Huerta (@Erikismissing on Instagram)
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
Can never get right, on paper The hypnotic daze that expands in my most cherished memories “So, um, who are you?” So attached to that phrase Teenage-minded girl Hopeful in a self-defeating mannerism It leads me to wonder It keeps me awake
What if it was a dream? What if it was all fake? Best Cabernet Sauvignon I’ve ever had in my life I could have slept for days
We were watching our favourite show And oh my God, I miss your laugh Waking up to you, hiding from daylight Should have ripped off the curtains and made you face it
Love poem: Asleep (daylight) [continued]
Please Come back To this life
There is A girl Who cares
But I can’t come down That far To meet you Where you sleep
In shallow pools, I still grieve There is nobody to wake me
