West Dale Palms boulevard Clover avenue I go to the grocery store And I run right into you Ask me how things are back home Do your days ever feel terribly long I say, I have to go Think I know the place where I belong
Hollywood, Los Angeles at dusk Her perfume smelled like camellias that bloom in November They look just like roses, so naturally I’m obsessed Swing the door open to a settled fire, Capture in my hands: tiny, soft embers Collapsing into moonlight, but Cradled like dust I’ll be strong for both of us If I must
Love poem: Grocery store [continued]
You have to feed your nostalgia sometimes It’s really the only way that you’ll survive It’s how you keep the dreams alive It’s the only way they’ll see you on the other side
West Dale Palms boulevard Clover avenue When I go to the grocery store I always look for you
Angelic Vicious Future physician Painting spiderwebs in your kitchen Emotionally flat But so consistent Best of the best Couldn’t get any better than you wished it
When you’re with me, you’re possessed And I’m not afraid of becoming obsessive Lip gloss all over the glass You’re calling my landline Cos I’ve given you enough incentive Now you’re touching my spine Noticing where the bones don’t really make sense And we laugh like the weight of a crowd Blanket over our eyes, not making a sound.
Love poem: Angelic spine [continued]
You were born in the same month As my father And I’m kind of sick of Not being your official lover
Angelic Vicious Future physician Eating vegan lentil soup you made for me in your kitchen I love your five cats And your cynical wisdom And when I look up to you, I see the sky as well Blanketing you in confetti Astral projections and snow that falls heavy I’m taking my time; we’re going steady Fragrant lullabies pass the time I don’t care, and I don’t mind
But I paint spiderwebs in your kitchen to trap you Right there So that when I come to feed You’ll be blissfully spared
Angelic and vicious I mean, who am I kidding I love your five cats And your cynical wisdom
I step outside Of the curtain lining To tell you the truth But you’ve already gone to work
I step outside To my midsummer garden Cos it’s all about myself In my own little world
And in my opinion, it wasn’t meant to be I see it in the palms of my hands See it in the trees But looking at past daydreams I so wanted it to be A universe where things could work out for me (playing the victim?)
Poem: Haunted (continued)
In the grand scheme of things They’re always listening Don’t pay much attention to it cos I spend my days dreaming Future apartments with bay windows New acrylic nail salons Runs with my dog on Lake Shore Drive
You could have just told me Though you did in your own way I made sure to Curl up in a blanket I didn’t cry at first But then the weekend came I was tangled and interwoven into you and me again
You should have just Taken it out on me You should’ve just – You should’ve just – But you stopped yourself. I don’t get how You didn’t take it out on me You should’ve – You should’ve – But you stopped yourself.
Poem: Haunted (continued)
In an arboretum I found truly my favourite flowers Next few hours, you grew so bored, I thought you would fall straight into your hands The thorns from the castle drains would Stop to tell you that This wasn’t exactly Part of her plan. I grew quite timid Wasn’t born to be an alarm clock So I let you sleep the next day while I did my own thing The thing was, it was my birthday And anyone knows that can have meaning So it isn’t worth the frame-worked lawsuit The heavy weight in my mind
You shouldn’t have Taken it out on me I thought we were different people Living new lives, so it seemed. You shouldn’t have chosen To take it out on me I thought we had become new In the grand scheme of things.
Poem: Haunted (continued)
Fortune surrounds you So I’m in a blanket Wishing you well in skyscraper heaven. If you turned around, To retrieve your belongings –
My apartment would be empty, But it would still be haunted.
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Nuclear envelopes A testable hypothesis Will you still love me if I – Will you drown me out Like the noise in a soundproof room He always said he’d like to go to solitary confinement just to get away For a honeymoon
Light leaks Asparagine and leucine Convoluted sighs and my pink floor-length satin dress Eating three times on Mondays, Eating four times, the day after Consuming enough carbohydrates to be like a plant A prisoner in your gardener A wide-awake blooming orchid Couch that fell from a truck bed onto the motorway We could just make it ours Watch the fires and fireflies swarm in the distance Devouring apricots A routine for my bedtime
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
Letting go of lethargic tendencies But I don’t have the energy I’m miserable, with or without you Have to be the writer of my own memoir, the heroine in my own maladaptive daydreams That serve me quite well Like soft serve by the beach Made from plant-based oat milk & Oreos I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
Empty head Empty thoughts Your Percocet My writer’s block I’ve been too, afraid, to put this down on paper A typewriter with no keys Hands that swell Knees that bleed I know perfectly well That I’m who you need Will you be there for me, in the daylight and the evenings? My handsome prince Tread carefully I’m exactly who I aspire to be
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I believe in myself, most of all Though, the cognitive dissonance gets swept like ashes At a fireplace Melting, blurring a reality that you swore was three-dimensional You vase of a porcelain starlit galaxy You atmospheric void, claustrophobic from your own apprehension I’m so in love with every part of you Especially the pieces you really disdain
I’ll take them in my hands Like the softest of sand
Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]
I don’t know what to do with all these birthday balloons The vinyl you bought me, thank you, by the way You precious thing. And the things I have to move on from Tangled in grief-ridden spiderwebs Merging through lanes with my blinker forever on I follow all the laws When the crows are watching, carefully
I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and Worry only about my colony What a dream it’s becoming
