Poem: Cold coffee, prescription

distantcaveLeave a comment

Lilac Dove 

 

 

My lithium level is too high
I downloaded an app that helps me see the night sky
I bike on the trail by the river
I’m hesitant to ride next to cars
I’m a baby, but I just know how impulsive I can be
If I was in Chicago, I’d traverse the entire city
Flirt with cashiers to get free coffee
Who am I trying to be

Radiohead on rainy days
Trying to not revert to my old ways
It’s a gamble
How I want him
Unstable
As a matter of fact
One of those things that won’t happen
But at least I like someone sane
Upgrade to first class
She went to the doctor; they found a mass
I come home and it’s home at last

I’m skeptical towards new things
I thought about packing up all my belongings
My diamond ring
I never thought about selling it
It never crossed my mind
Those were beautiful times
It’s winter now and I’m getting by
Cold coffee
Touching the pot when it’s warm
Closure doesn’t exist, stop calling me
Listen to voicemails when I’m sad
I wish there were some from my late dad
I wish he could be someone’s father-in-law
Wedding traditions

Here’s your prescription
Three times a day
I’m the girl with the fortitude
I miss the feeling of being understood
Nothing better than listening to the Neighbourhood
Makes any day tolerable
Who in your life makes you feel vulnerable?
For a while I was untouchable

I’ve got a penchant for listening to music in the shower
I watch the sunrise, I’m awake at that hour
I’m glad we’re not together because he’s such a coward
Perfectly fine with abusing his power
Moving on is hard, I admit
That’s just the reality of it

Doing things for yourself
To escape
Decorating
A cassette tape
Glitter and blue ink
Life is best immersed in pink
I’m stable, what do you think?

No, tell me
What do you think?

 

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    Poem: In your company

    distantcaveLeave a comment

    How do I tell you, that you’re the love of my life
    That sometimes when I daydream
    I picture being your wife
    I know I act like a diva
    But I’ll take any ring you can afford
    Life has been hard on us
    I want so bad to console you
    To adore you, never control you
    I’m finding it so hard to say the right things

    Please always be here, right at my wing
    I need you so I cannot break
    My head on your shoulder
    Your hand on my spine
    If I could, I would be with you, all of the time

    You let me decorate the walls with fashion and moons
    Bridal advertisements for their colors and luxe
    With you I’m fucked out of luck
    I’lll never have you how I want
    You don’t think I understand you, you’re making the wrong bet
    If you were a school of fish I’d be your fishnet
    Save you from the perils of the sea
    Surgically transform your gills into breathing mechanisms

    I can’t believe I’m saying this but you know I would die for you
    And that couldn’t be more true
    But in your company I am dying myself
    Succumbing to pain
    It hurts
    So
    Much
    To not be able to reach you like I want
    To you it’s like I’m writing in an illegible font
    I’m looking right at you but you’re glancing away
    Between us there’s so goddamn much we have to say
    I get on my knees and beg you to try things my way

    With you I’m fucked out of luck
    I’ll never have you how I want
    In your company I’m dying already

    It’s been a slow, debilitating, painful death
    I’m close to reaching the heavenly sunset
    I love you forever
    Say goodbye to my pets

    Poem: Ivory white bones

    distantcaveLeave a comment


    roses, coffee, petal of a rose

    I’m out of bed
    Looking around
    Like
    This
    Is
    My
    Life
    And I live here
    Breathe here
    Lay in bed all day like I’m Lana Del Rey 
    Nothing special
    Cool like ice 
    If I had someone to buy me diamonds that’d be nice 
    And faux fur so soft that you think it’s mink 
    I’m headed for a revolution, I think

    Lately I don’t feel right
    Something isn’t set in stone 
    They’re small, my ivory white bones 
    I wonder particularly what their colors are
    I wonder if he can think about me when we’re displaced so far
    Blueberries and coffee
    Strawberries and pie 
    I got tired of thinking I needed a guy 
    I can pitch a tent and perfectly tie a tie 
    I’m the one that gets to be the bad guy 

    Sometimes I huddle up real small
    It helps when there’s darling, sparkling rainfall 
    I’m still scared of monsters
    They walk on the streets 
    I’m afraid of the boys that crawl into sleeping girls’ bedsheets 
    Without saying a thing

    You on my planet?  
    I could use a friend
    I have too many things to comprehend 
    Too paranoid of my notebooks to be found
    I close my eyes and I spin around 

    I spin around
    Touchdown 
    Take me down
    Just take me somewhere nice and let me spin for now 

    Find me dead downtown

     


    D O V E

    I woke up today

    Client Logo
    Dandelions
    in the summertime

    Keepsakes

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    Love to have the breeze go by
    stored memories

    Your favorite band

    Client Logo
    plays on the radio
    feed your head


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    Poem: Whiskey in the sunshine

    distantcaveLeave a comment

    I always forget

    In the cool blue like it’s the ocean


    1

    You
    With your sanitary hand napkins
    That you specifically call towelettes
    Not an English accent but it’s the best
    I always forget what state you’re from
    And you tease me for that very gesture

    2

    You
    Still come by
    Even though I told you not to anymore
    Sunday morning, you show up at my door
    And you proceed to infiltrate
    Ask me who bought those flowers
    (Me)
    Ask me who I’m getting ready for
    (Myself)
    Take a book about romance and passion off my bookshelf
    “By mistake”

    3

    You don’t make mistakes
    You’re this rare thing, you were born immaculate
    The only thing about you is your greed
    Your hunger
    You push me down under
    The water, when we’re swimming
    I love to bask in the cool blue like it’s the ocean
    I’m relieved you don’t have blue eyes
    Thank god you’re not one of those guys
    You tutor me in math and I give you chocolates
    That I pocket from the work parties I choose not to attend
    I have plans
    Baby
    I got plans

    4

    You only wear Vans
    Such a boy you are!
    I like when you play fight with me
    Rummage through my hair
    That I combed neatly for our “date”
    I like that you participate
    We’re like two soldiers at war
    That have each others’ back
    When I thought you left I had a panic attack
    I promised I’d get you back

    5

    Get you back
    You’d have to be mine first
    And you know, that sounds like an intolerable curse
    Being in love with you would possibly be the worst
    But we’d go out all the time
    Sip the whiskey I like under the warm sunshine
    Spend the day together on Valentine’s
    Come away with me
    Let my pink nails scratch your head
    That’s the only way you can get to bed

    6

    Now I have you stuck in my head
    And you know, that sounds like an intolerable curse
    We’re like two soldiers at war
    Except I’d be smiling at you too much to shoot
    And you know I love to shoot

    7

    But then there’s you 

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    Poem: Reflections on tobacco

    distantcaveLeave a comment

    Reflections on tobacco

    I’ve been occupying myself with novel things so I don’t have to think.

    I’m gracious, I stopped smoking cigarettes

    I didn’t smoke them because they made me feel good; I’d go out for the brief “thinking hour,” the time I had with myself. 

    And if someone was smoking with me, I was still swimming somewhere near the branches of the distances pointing inward of my mind. Swimming in circles. Taking private jet planes. 

    I think of picking the habit up again (foolish) just to rest my leg on the side of a closed storefront and come to terms with what is and what was. 

    I can do that now, if I wanted to. But I don’t want to. Mold like clay. Sweet summer’s day. 

    I hope I don’t meet anyone who smokes soon.

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