Love poem: Satin sheets/myelin sheaths

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the Soundcloud portion. I’m currently testing a Push notification application. xx

Myelin sheath: an insulating layer that forms around nerves, including those in the brain & spinal cord

Love poem: Satin sheets/myelin sheaths

Softening
Softening once more
Softening even further, forever more

This gentle life
And you wish your poetry posts got as much attention as your self-portraits do
How’s that supposed to feel?
I’m in knots, I haven’t not gotten over you
Arachnids spinning cobwebs in my mind
The glass mirror looks so good, so perfectly together
You would smash it to pieces if I’d let you just try

Standing on the edge of a river
Pebbles holding me, I hold them back
I am safe with myself
(I am only safe with myself)
How’s that supposed to feel?
Adjust my glasses & play with the cobwebs
I’m spinning like an obsolete carousel in violent orange & blue, wicked flames

As arachnids spin webs in the tiny spaces between my neurons
They know the pharmacology I don’t
They watch the synapses like cityscapes
Like a vintage cinema screen
How’s that feel?
How’s that feel to me?
Hold the cross on my necklace to remind me that there’s more
There’s more across this river
Want to lay down, but I don’t think I’d ever get up from this
Bed of flowers
Holding cobwebs
Paying attention to what nobody pays attention to
Dream world for sure

I’m a very good swimmer
I can’t even fake drown
My body sure does love me
And I love it too, for the first time in twenty-something years
A drive-by shooting that sounds like bursting fireworks
Illegal in California but on wholesale in the suburbs of Texas
The wildlife
Skips across the myelin sheath of my brain
How’s that feel?
How’s that really feel, to me?

You’re mowing your lawn & cursing every girl you ever met
Honey, I can’t get behind that
The fuzzy pedals of arachnids
Sewing me white satin dreamscapes
Dissolve right in, come dissolve right in
Not my time to free you from the confines of your mind

The arches of my body
Oh, they love me, they really love me
Neck pain so bad it wakes me up in the middle of the night
Play your electric guitar,
Solve your computer security program
Do it far away from me
I’m kissing spiders when I sleep

Oh, how much they love me
Oh, how much I love them in return
Maybe they’ll rearrange my spinal cord
So I won’t have to hurt

Then I won’t have to hurt
Arachnids sewing me white, satin dreamscapes
Trembling softly, getting softer
Forever more

Oh, how much they love me
Oh, how much I love them in return
Oh, how this city feels
Like it’s evacuating me

Trembling softly
Getting softer
I’m in love with cobwebs that are in love with me

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Love poem: Roses that never came in the mail

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the subscribe/Soundcloud portion. xx

Love poem: Roses that never came in the mail

When I get tired, my glasses weigh heavy on my face
You tripped me up, you did
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t extrapolate meaning from the events that we saw differently
Learned what is most important to me
Seventeen minutes until I’m home & the cars start to spin
Hoping it rains soon so I can read by the window
Let my outdoor plants feel the abyss of unexpected
nourishment
Weighing heavily of light-hearted anchors

Imagination is too powerful
I’m trying to immerse myself in the sky
But what do I think about when I try to go to sleep at night
Your laugh
The way you throw your head back
Cover your face
Intoxicating
Stains my mind in carnivorous ways

The way you throw your head back
Cover your face
One time you apologized, “sometimes I laugh really hard”
I loved it
That I made you laugh
Something calming about that

I can be the most comforting person you’ve ever come across
But at some point you have to show up for me
That’s what breaks my heart
Just a little bit
Just a tad
I thought things were getting better but they never had
Soft rubber bands
Roses that never came in the mail

I study physics all day and
Learn so many things I wish I could share with you
It was me who ended things
I remain strong and confident in my position
Though I would be lying
Oh, I would be lying

If I didn’t think about how you would throw your head back
When I would make you laugh
All I want is to be comforting
I’m reserved with other people, but all I want is to be my true self
Even if that means going where there’s nobody else

Roses that never came in the mail
Now I can tell the tale

Of the boy I was so, so close to falling with in lo-

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Love poem: Casualties

Welcome to my poetry website! Pink poems are love poems & blue poems are more general “life” poems. Each poem is interrupted by photographs and ends when you’ve reached the subscribe/soundcloud portion. xx

Love poem: Casualties

We were driving alongside an emerald beach and I was
Filming a TikTok video of the water, as the waves reached a height that
Didn’t scare me, and suddenly
I looked down & there was water in the car
We were driving through the water
I could breathe
I couldn’t breathe
I could breathe
I was asleep
I couldn’t breathe
Like dandelions
Picked at the wrong time

There were no problems
And we were free
Free to be ourselves, free to get wrapped up in each other
Not constrained by the world propaganda or what’s playing on the news
Television set out of our reach
(Do you even own a television?)
Keyboard in the kitchen sink
Fragrant butterflies

Nape of your neck
Upset stomach
Belly aches for you

There have been nothing but problems
Just me tossed up in you, cradled like the darkest blue
Until we wake up
Foggy skies, hear me out
I’m well familiar with ambivalence
Am very good at counting chirality centers in molecules
Though, when the numbers are in front of me
I wonder if in a different life
I could add them up and find you, again
We’d be soft and innocent
Like dandelion breath
I wouldn’t have to bruise your ego

What would you do
Blank, empty face
I’m well familiar
Can sequence a genome, but can’t figure out how to tell a boy that
I wanted to be the place he calls home

(He’d know if he read my poetry
He’d know if he was in love with me)

Figment of my imagination
Heart palpitations
Misguided communication
On repeat, wouldn’t dare to press rewind
Fast-forward through the archive of my mind
A baby that takes several years to be born
Fully formed
A landscape of an intoxicating tornado with a sunny portrayal of graciousness

What are you indebted for?
When you’re not standing at my front door
Blue ribbons in my hair
A long, pink, satin dress that I
Planned
For the
Occasion

Where I
Would be
Alone
With my patience
Watching little kids chase after their parents
Watching little kids chase after their
Watching little kids chase after
Watching little

Kids holding rose petals
Speaking in Spanish that I understand
Now
How
We
Were

Meant to fall apart so casually

Just like that
We go back
To the places we call home
And we pretend
To not
Care

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Lilac love poem: Noise (across the room)

Lilac love poem: Noise (across the room)

I can’t fall in love with you if you’re across the room from me

But I can’t change you
Been so endlessly patient with you
Waiting for the thunderstorm to clear, yet a new one comes in hot
Shows me my fears
Pours hot coffee all over me
Covered

I bit my inner lip
Overflowing with an unwelcoming anxiety
Until both the insides of the top and bottom started to bleed
& as the blood poured in
Filling the tiny spaces between my teeth
I could taste the iron &
I felt closer to myself
Than I did
Looking in your bathroom mirror
Wondering why the tiles on the floor have to be so nice
The bathtub so luxurious, so unused
A pitfall of possibilities & potential
Thought I was steering towards irrationality
But all it was
Was hope
& isn’t that familiar
Isn’t that something I could dissolve deeply into

I realized, there was nothing to save
If I could just have that museum day
Back & I’d be on time & you’d see that I’ve been waiting what feels like my whole life
To look into somebody’s eyes & feel safe

But this empty space –
This is not the place
These are the alleyways your parents warned you about
The Instagram posts about what red flags to look for
Suddenly you’re driving and cannot stop thinking
About how someone doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad person to still be unfulfilling to you
I swallowed that truth
It’s all a girl like me can do –
One who dreams in pink
Prays every second she blinks
Doesn’t ever let spiders go down the sink

Unless they want to
Unless they beg me to
Then, what am I to do?

This
Is me
Letting go
Of you

It’s all
A girl
Like me
Can do

I can’t fall in love with you if you won’t walk across the room towards me

I can’t
Take the noise
Out of your head

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Love poem: Lily pad

Love poem: Lily pad

I don’t want to put my cards all over the table
Though I’m dying to show you what’s true
How real this significance is
My significant other

Sitting on my lily pad
You know I’m the only one that can get you to relax
Move in slow motion
I’m heavenly reserved
& I know you don’t do these things on purpose
But the caffeine in this Earl Grey tea
It’s making me nervous
I know you don’t do it on purpose

Swaying with myself in my bedroom
I can be violent if you turn the heat up
No longer desperate to be enough
I’ve got a sweetness concave within me
A fruit I only bear to those that can hold it
Tight

Pushing all my buttons
Convincing myself I kind of love it
Have I shown you what’s at the bottom of the sea?
Underneath all the make-believe

I don’t want to have to ask if you missed me!
I’m getting run over by the same train over and over again
My eyes close when I drive & I don’t even mind
Collect my cigarettes in an empty coke can
Police on a motorcycle
Firearms in my trunk
No longer desperate to be enough
I keep trying to make it to the bottom of the sea
But something pulls me back above
I want you to drown with me
If you do
Make sure I drown too

Don’t read into my words
Don’t touch me softly, then make it hurt
A one-way ticket to my favourite Chicago Transit Authority stop
Where I am free to walk around
I don’t need bells and whistles
I need the fogginess to stop

A rose that blooms
On repeat
A rose that blooms
On repeat
A rose that blooms
When I sleep
A rose that blooms
On repeat

I want you to drown with me
When I get off my
Lily pad

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