Be gentle with yourself Your graceful little steps Lavender ribbons in your hair Pulling a drive-by at the car wash Infuriating all of your closest friends Tugging on the rips in your jeans, hoping that when the fabric bursts at the seams You will pave the way for new daydreams & life will be plentiful Once upon a time
Like lock and key, I thought you were made for me But I was made for more Than what this world has to offer
Inside we are all vulnerable Deserving of kindness But God isn’t always so polite. A penchant for Throwing stones at your door My fingers appear as though they have suffered frostbite
Chewing on a plastic straw I thought that I had gone too far But then I noticed – I had not moved at all Weaving a new daydream Absorbing my most fragile insecurities And thinking they might be the reasons someone wonderful will fall in love with me
What would that be like? I thought I had it in another life When our spines reached the corners of the bedroom That we had painted the most ethereal blue I had ever intoxicated myself with, out of sheer hospitality For the fiber network of my musculoskeletal orchestration A girl in a sundress The middle of winter Taking my gloves off to text him back Frostbite Frostbite
Needless to say I buy one pack of Parliaments per day Just to never Just to never Just to never run out Because what if I Because what if I What if I were to run out Find you in the middle of the intersection Screaming for help on a bookshelf That you built yourself
Then, what would I do? Coat you in ethereal blue? I’d display all the facts that I contain in my porcelain doll frame, regarding the closest moon
Or find myself at home With nobody on the phone The concrete entering my residence like it’s testing my weightlessness
Paint me diamonds, buy me charcoal Unravel me on purpose With potential To be In a picture frame with me
Allow yourself to be bored Brush your teeth while they’re on the floor Infertile like a flower My higher power Acrimony is not something I’d like to be familiar with
Let’s get faded in our raincoats Consider myself blessed, To be rolling around in the dirt, this mess Is contagious, I am contagious Don’t go down with me I can see how your eyes roll As they’re crawling closer to me
My dandelion, my little candied nectar Impatient with my relapse Looking for the right hands Your little typewriter bat wings
A man walking home carrying Trader Joe’s bags They sell the most beautiful flowers (I could photograph them for hours) I came outside to smoke, but I’ll just sit in the sunshine These days I have a final answer, and then another Save it in a drawer for when the moment comes up Forget it soon after because the violence in your eyes sustains me Like the ocean is breathing and I have mid 16th century gills I find more things stunning about myself than I have ever before felt I’m in love with the hazel of the night Amber and baby blue lights Dinner of frostbite
I used to be so full of words What happened to me? I wake up early and all I want to do is to go to sleep Then my cat shows me her claws & I grab her toy string We spend the rest of the morning doing ballroom dances around the living room Like little kids On amphetamines Laughing until the walls collapse I drive myself to the coffee shop Watch a young child open the door for his mother
And it settles in that this life is on purpose My bad habits shouldn’t make me nervous
They should make me find myself more stunning than I have ever before felt Fabric stitched together Needles in pockets Dust in my lungs because my oxygen reserves are just fine
I came outside to smoke, but I’ll just sit in the sunshine Baskets of florals Life full of purpose
Tomorrow is Thursday and I’ll wake up early To play with my cat in the living room
Your eyes started to sink Melt into the sky And I could feel my heart Contract and deflate In one single rhythm
I’ve become your divine Your little trinket, your device Would you feed on my bare ribs straight Out of my chest My blessing to you I bow down and say Any piece of me is forever occupied
Maybe that’s all there is to this life I think that I have finally tasted it all If you could give me one last breath I’ll save it for myself
Like a blanket I’ll cover you I’ll hide you from vapid, rapid snowstorms Give you rain boots for muddy water Comfort you, always Forget you, never Let my love be just one of the multitude of things you know about this world
June is the month Of strawberries Baby’s first words Holding you tight
One last breath To keep for myself I’ll save it until I most need it, which right now isn’t the right time
When I next see you Because, I will see you If Heaven still owes me that grace In return for the ones sent there that knew me well
I’ll keep you For myself Feed on your rib cage Trace your little steps
I need moral support You’re all so boring I’m smoking a cigarette in the apartment Light pink slippers The room turns to melting frost
I need to make a choice You’re all so lonely I’m smoking a cigarette in the backyard Bamboo curtains Disheveled in appearance but on trial on time
Serving our community Driving with my eyes closed An avalanche and beat-down neighborhood where funeral homes are sold I love him but he won’t bear arms So how can he protect me If you can send me a silver lining Tell my father I’m tired of waking up and fighting Won’t you inspire me FedEx me your venom through an umbilical cord
Dandelion and Baby’s Breath They crowd around me Tear out my hair Laugh at the angles of my bones The fog terrifies me Though I’m so aware I’ll crumble if I’m not composed
Even if I’m brittle I’ll stay up for a little
I met a girl named Isabel Passed me an ashtray in her jet black corvette Ambiguous Butterflies For how long For how much longer Dad, how much longer do I have How much longer do I have to keep doing this
Just to get home Just to get home Closing my left eye to see straight She had gold silverware in her jet black corvette Told me her boy was frustrating her because he always forgets
Took the wrong exit off the freeway Ended up in a ditch Peace was there Waiting for me Nobody stopped to ask what I was doing If you want miracles, I’m living proof of it
Plain charcoal grey t shirt I want to write the kind of poetry that scares boys away The right one will see me for my diamonds and my smoke screens A bridge gently collapsing Laying down next to a fountain
I don’t go to parties Because the people tend to bore me They stand in circles and ask each other “what’s up?”
Minnesota in the hot, hot sun I’ll write a memoir, like I’m a film star Like my words are fiber nectar & galvanized tar I wish I could join the assembly line Not to find out, not to decay, but to come out bright white & crystal, grey clay To become transparent in the grand scheme of things Be able to extrapolate meaning from my own devices Tell you how I find human beings so lifeless Wrapped up in their due process of mind Fingertips on roses, your hands on the arched back that is mine Fever dreams Amphetamines
I know the road is farther than it seems I’ve seen the bitter resemblance of what’s paved underneath My eyes blur, I can’t see, I can’t see a thing Wouldn’t you like to have a dance with refined me? I’m mesmerized by nothing at all Nobody pays attention to what I want them to pay attention to I’m violent, I got this, I’m gutless, I’m thinner than the fabric Screaming my insides out, I’ll eat you alive Won’t find me on your bedside You said, you said You said, you said Your goodbyes so hazily Tell me, how do you wish to be portrayed? When they paint you wrong, are you dismayed? What are you proud to take to the grave? I’m taking the dreams I made
I have this one song, I get a lot of meaning from it The way it blankets me in security and A freedom I’ve never found in a single human being They’re tar-stained, they’re charcoal remnants They’ll gaslight you and then say that you’re gaslighting them in return The apprehension is near, I told you the car was far away I didn’t see it coming my way Somehow I didn’t mind I had this dream, I saw the glass-slipper ball gown The one I wore when You said, I swore, you said You said, I swore it, I swore you said Wouldn’t be there Star-crossed lovers Awake with hesitation Marvel at my presentation Scattered in assembly, grief like parasites Do you know anyone who sees you in the right & softest light?
I’m thinner than fabric, I’m tougher than fossil fuels If it’s confusing, it’s only confusing to you Me – I know what’s going on Write you a grocery list of things to bring A sustainable sparkle, a delicate sapphire An element of surprise to add to the details and decor Horrors of society seem to fade when we turn the television on
Melt me like aspartame in Coca Cola Ignite a funeral home Tell me what you find transparent Covered in frost, I’m not vaguely processed I’m rarely understood and I think I know why I think this life is mine to apprehend and find I lose my keys over and over again on purpose Locked out so I can write But I thought you said, I thought you said But I thought you said, I thought you said
I have this one song that makes me feel more like myself than anything else I play it on repeat because I’m sick of hearing about my diminishing health Drown out the noise, fiber-glass, can’t see, my vision blurs The ocean is my lord & savior I’m not even surprised by their behavior The evidence is real because it’s written on parchment paper
It always ends It always ends like this I’m in the shower, white roses and pink carnations, I feel true bliss You’d be obsolete In a thousand years We’re connected by the fabric The sheer and hazy stillness Do it on the daily Hate you a little, just maybe Match my evening glow
If you hate me, that’s not a well thought-out decision You have your fears and I have this one song That makes me feel more like myself than I’ve ever felt before And I play it I play it all day long When the noise drowns me out, I sing along You wouldn’t say, you wouldn’t say Anything to conclude the grime and the dirt you brought to my doorstep A cave’s internal diameter A concave, arching sky The exact shade of your brown eyes My skin is softest on the tops of my thighs
I don’t hate anyone I don’t hate anything I don’t hate anyone There’s just nothing left to sink Drowning in the deep end because in the water I’m completely occupying my body I don’t hate anyone I don’t hate anything I’ll let the water have me, on purpose, on purpose
Does drowning make you nervous? Does real love make you hesitate?
Does drowning make you nervous? Does real love make you hesitate? Does drowning make you hesitate?
