Poem: Promises (wildflowers)

Poem: Promises (wildflowers)

I’m growing strawberries in my garden
I buy canned Vanilla Coke at the corner store
When I came home Wednesday night, there were the most beautiful white roses I’ve ever seen laying softly on the kitchen counter
Courtesy of my mother
Who knows I’m dismayed by how boys don’t buy me flowers
Somehow it was a thousand times sweeter coming from her
Dewdrops on daisies
Fresh Baby’s Breath in fine, pristine garments
The things that used to scare me, I no longer find alarming
The way thunderstorms sound like amphetamines dropping can no longer harm me
I promised myself that I would keep my own promises

For a while I wanted someone to love me like I do, you
But that, would be insubstantial
Since I never got through to you in the ways I can only hope one day someone will, to me
Like looking in a mirror
When you’re trying to see inside
Of a building you pass by on your lunch break
That makes you feel mesmerized
But it’s oh, so fleeting
With a heavy mind and drowsy eyes
I lay amongst the wildflowers gasping for glimmers of hope
A reality I am capable
Of painting myself

A couple of days ago I lost the keys to my apartment
Tried to go around the back, and my cat wouldn’t let me in!
The nerve!
Like she was raised by wolves!
So I came back to the front of my residence, and when the mailman came with my packages I collected them
Stared at my name in sans serif font on the mailing label
Beneath the sunlight as it showered me with
Like the song I sent you
That you didn’t like
Because you didn’t favour the singer’s voice
But that was not
The point
It was
The words
That I wanted you to hear, at least read for heaven’s sake

But nobody reads what you want them to
And after hours of sitting against my black, metal apartment door
Wishing I had chalk, like a child, to draw horribly disfigured life stills on the warm cement
I found the key in my pocket
(I’m not very good at hiding things from myself)
But I am good at finding pockets of time to be alone with the sunshine
Carefully planned
Flawlessly executed
Only something a Virgo could do

Do you remember?
When my birthday is?
Or how badly I wanted those flowers?

Nobody remembers what you want them to
It’s frightening, really
How someone’s perception is so far removed from your control
But isn’t that
That my mother knows exactly how to make me smile
My cat knows I need time to take to rinse my thoughts with sun rays and pieces of gravel

I deleted your text message
Like you had never come back
Almost automatically
I was surprised with even myself
But you will never know how much I loved you

Somehow that is fine with me
I promise

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