Poem: Breathing room

Poem: Breathing room

Allow yourself to be bored
Brush your teeth while they’re on the floor
Infertile like a flower
My higher power
Acrimony is not something I’d like to be familiar with

Let’s get faded in our raincoats
Consider myself blessed,
To be rolling around in the dirt, this mess
Is contagious, I am contagious
Don’t go down with me
I can see how your eyes roll
As they’re crawling closer to me

A poem by a young author about returning to stability.

My dandelion, my little candied nectar
Impatient with my relapse
Looking for the right hands
Your little typewriter bat wings

A man walking home carrying Trader Joe’s bags
They sell the most beautiful flowers
(I could photograph them for hours)
I came outside to smoke, but I’ll just sit in the sunshine
These days I have a final answer, and then another
Save it in a drawer for when the moment comes up
Forget it soon after because the violence in your eyes sustains me
Like the ocean is breathing and I have mid 16th century gills
I find more things stunning about myself than I have ever before felt
I’m in love with the hazel of the night
Amber and baby blue lights
Dinner of frostbite

I used to be so full of words
What happened to me?
I wake up early and all I want to do is to go to sleep
Then my cat shows me her claws
& I grab her toy string
We spend the rest of the morning doing ballroom dances around the living room
Like little kids
On amphetamines
Laughing until the walls collapse
I drive myself to the coffee shop
Watch a young child open the door for his mother

And it settles in that this life is on purpose
My bad habits shouldn’t make me nervous

They should make me find myself more stunning than I have ever before felt
Fabric stitched together
Needles in pockets
Dust in my lungs because my oxygen reserves are just fine

I came outside to smoke, but I’ll just sit in the sunshine
Baskets of florals
Life full of purpose

Tomorrow is Thursday and I’ll wake up early
To play with my cat in the living room

Support my work! paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Love poem: Perfectly real (really perfect)

Love poem: Perfectly real (really perfect)

Suddenly
The impetus is on me
To be perfect, so perfect, for you again
Satin & lavender bedsheets
Fresh clothes from the dryer
Neurons that synapse when the clock resets

But I can’t
Withstand
Dissonance
I can’t
Bear to
Live with regret
I can’t
Break free from
This tangled fishnet
The wire digging its claws directly into my spine

Disengagement when separated
Disregarded how you said maybe
Perhaps it’s my own agenda that
I failed to write out in black ink
My own handwriting looks foreign to me
The flowers in my apartment have finished dying
I closed the curtains, but someone is waiting
To see me burn out like I’ve been on fire this whole time

Carving my name into my solitude
Changing the location of a confined venue
I don’t like this dress
Don’t like how I look in it
Want you to tell me I inspire you to stop playing make-believe
Wish you would bring me roses & be gentle with me
Not let me lose any more sleep

I’m not really writing
I’m scared of defining
How lazy I’ve gotten at building my self-esteem
The ships are all sinking
The pilot keeps blinking
& the leftovers have spoiled because real things are only real in real time

So I hit “unsend”
Spend the afternoon in my garden
Playing with my own hair, saying your name to myself

I can’t even ask you
What you meant when you said nothing
Because I know myself to get in the way of what could be

I’ll trace my ashes
In long cylinder glasses
Faking a proof-of-concept of a girl who takes pride in the way she carries herself

Now I’m scared of writing
Because I don’t like what I see
And that holds far too much meaning to me

I’m sick of trying
To act like I haven’t been
Crying myself to sleep

Tell me I’m perfect
Say that you missed me
Step into my four-chambered studio where the pianos lack keys
& the guitars have no strings
We can dissolve into anything we want life to be

Tell me you missed me
Without lying to me
Tell me I’m perfect
Because you can see how I dream
Tell me you loved how
I didn’t seem desperate
To find in my own self what you’ve found in yours

I’ll rearrange my bedroom
Work on shifting my patterns
So that the stillness in your settings can bleed into me

Tell me I’m perfect
Without lying to me
Reach for me when I’m drowning
In my make-believe sea
Allow me to realize there’s more to let go of
More in life to make sense of
More in this life to see

When you’ve regained stability
Found blue-green lakes filled with clarity
Then, you can come back to me

I’ll be in my garden
Telling myself
That I don’t have to be perfect to be something real

Support my work! paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Love poem: Red t shirt

Love poem: Red t shirt

Drawing soft pink porcelain dolls
Make every word of yours important
If you’re speaking with purpose
The chaos in this dark room
It makes me nervous
But when I’m touching you
Like peach pink amphetamines
You push something onto me that makes me breathe

For a second there
For just a minute
I lost my breath

For just a second there
For quite a minute
I’ve become oblivious

I get excited for a hot second
Come out with guns blazing
So self-aware, peach pit
You like the way I serenade you
Dance around you in top-secret chambers
Untold, leaving it untold
Don’t get anything for free
Write whatever I want
It’s my heart, I forgot
It’s my heart, I forgot
You make me soft

Put some Salsa on and I’ll show you my moves
What I keep in my medicine cabinet
I’m made of Cabernet red
I’ll drink you in three sips
Balsamic vinaigrette
Anything that rhymes with your safety net
I’m lying by the pool
God I feel so cool
Looking at you
Cabernet red

I’m kicking and screaming
I don’t want you to spend the night
Yeah, I’ll be alright
I’m kicking and screaming
Introverted
I don’t want you to stay the night
I’m kicking and screaming
Introverted
Red t shirt

You don’t make me nervous
I have these soft lips
Amphetamines for fingertips
Intoxicating, isn’t it

Be a dynamite of a human being & support my work! www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Poem: That’s what’s up

Poem: That’s what’s up

I need moral support
You’re all so boring
I’m smoking a cigarette in the apartment
Light pink slippers
The room turns to melting frost

I need to make a choice
You’re all so lonely
I’m smoking a cigarette in the backyard
Bamboo curtains
Disheveled in appearance but on trial on time

Serving our community
Driving with my eyes closed
An avalanche and beat-down neighborhood where funeral homes are sold
I love him but he won’t bear arms
So how can he protect me
If you can send me a silver lining
Tell my father I’m tired of waking up and fighting
Won’t you inspire me
FedEx me your venom through an umbilical cord

Dandelion and Baby’s Breath
They crowd around me
Tear out my hair
Laugh at the angles of my bones
The fog terrifies me
Though I’m so aware
I’ll crumble if I’m not composed

Even if I’m brittle
I’ll stay up for a little

I met a girl named Isabel
Passed me an ashtray in her jet black corvette
Ambiguous
Butterflies
For how long
For how much longer
Dad, how much longer do I have
How much longer do I have to keep doing this

Just to get home
Just to get home
Closing my left eye to see straight
She had gold silverware in her jet black corvette
Told me her boy was frustrating her because he always forgets

Took the wrong exit off the freeway
Ended up in a ditch
Peace was there
Waiting for me
Nobody stopped to ask what I was doing
If you want miracles, I’m living proof of it

Plain charcoal grey t shirt
I want to write the kind of poetry that scares boys away
The right one will see me for my diamonds and my smoke screens
A bridge gently collapsing
Laying down next to a fountain

I don’t go to parties
Because the people tend to bore me
They stand in circles and ask each other “what’s up?”

Treat me to a soy coffee frappuccino & support my work! www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Love poem: God’s timing (keep me safe)

Love poem: God’s timing (keep me safe)

Pink ballerina slippers
A child crying out
I have loved you – a thousand, a thousand, a thousand times

Your breaking voice
The cracks in the tiles of my ivory bathroom floor
If I could hold you forever
I’d be somewhere safe
Somewhere where the demons can’t get me
Looking into your soft, collapsed face

One day I’ll understand God’s timing
But honey, I’ll never stop trying
My dandelion
My aching Baby’s Breath
A cardigan I only wear when I smoke non-menthol cigarettes
Watching evening television
Will you be there with me?

Counting my fingers
Keeping me safe
A car on fire on the side of the freeway
I cannot wait until I get to see you again

Biting my fingers
Keeping me safe
I took you in my arms, but you showed me the way

I cannot wait until I get to see you again
I cannot wait

Donate to my website & support my work! www.paypal.me/LilacDoveCA