Poem: Bellflower Blvd

Poem: Bellflower Blvd

Oh, you have no idea of what’s wrong with me
Cos I got a whole long list for ya
But I don’t share it with anyone
I let them find out for themselves
They often don’t
So I can keep my secrets in the amethyst cave
The one that was built just for me
The one they’ll bury me in, in my grave

A lifted, matte black four-by-four driving right over me
Peeling all the smoked cigarettes straight out of yours truly,
I know I look petite, look small, look sweet
But there’s something hidden inside of me that’s so unruly
I am not scared of it – how could I be?
It’s part of me
I don’t think you should be either
George fixed my truck, and he made it real nice
But he drove it over and over straight over me
On a cold, hard, self-manufactured repeat

Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)

A large onyx black pickup truck that came with flowers
Baby’s Breath and off-road excellence
Bellflower Blvd is where the finish line is
It’s the name of my dog that I miss like I do Heaven’s remorse
And I can get some quick gains if I gamble right
But I always miss the mark on purpose
Climbing into rabbit holes just to see what’s inside,
If I wasn’t who I am, I’d have so many reasons to hide

Cos I’m tough in the way only a rose bush can be
I see the way that strangers look at me
And I don’t mind if I have to be the only one to believe
In what I am capable of being,
A fruit tree in the middle of nowhere
Pomelos left on the side of the road
That someone was selling but
Forgot about

Poem: Bellflower Blvd (continued)

The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t know why I’m crying about this song.
The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t care why I’m crying to this song
They don’t know why I’m crying about this song
The people in the car next to me at the stop light
They don’t know
It’s Bellflower Blvd

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Love poem: Forever holds onto me

Love poem: Forever holds onto me

I was holding onto you
I was holding onto you
There was nothing I could do
There was nothing I could do
But only to know that I’d forever be helplessly in love with you

My best, world’s best, memories
Were me with fingertips
And the silly little way you walked
My starlight, my noble gas
My everything and all I could give inside one celestial collapse
I find it impossible
How one could not look
At your precious face for the last time
You were right there
You would always be mine

Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)

I was holding onto you
There was nothing they could do
I said keep trying, keep moving
I was so not done being with you
Every time
You looked at me
Is laid like concrete in my memory
There was nothing they could do
And I said, well, keep trying
There is no fucking way the love of my life is dying

I cry in the shower
Feel like screaming at grocery stores
Because you aren’t, in my bed, of course
I’m happy
It happened
So fast

Otherwise
I don’t think
I would last

And you and I both knew, I couldn’t die before you

Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)

I was holding on
With my bare arms
Holding you like a baby
Comforting you like a blanket
There was nothing more they could do
They promised and I believe them

You and I both know, I could not have died before you
Now, it’s nearing May
Dear God, what am I to do

This time last year,
I still had you.

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Poem: Coming home

Poem: Coming home

My angel of all angels
I look for you everywhere
One jagged footstep after another
Saw so much of myself in you
Wanted to keep you safe
Shield you from the venomous, foggy skies

One pebble that forms an entire ocean
I’m enjoying the alone time
But I think of you constantly
(How could I not?)
At the edge of my lavender & velvet bed
Gorgeous brown eyes
A diameter so perfect it could bring me to tears

Fascinated by police sirens,
A villain that’s scared of nothing
In love with the sheer chaos of vitality, as am I
To be young and to grow old
Never do what you’re told
Watch television with me as the evening unfolds
Real perfection encapsulated, one single moment
Your brown eyes on repeat every single day

Us walking around the Windy City
You – looking so pretty
Me hopelessly attached to the fibers within you
A skeleton I
Sought to preserve
So I could run my fingers along your delicate spine
Happy

Lost dog
Posters of you everywhere
(In my mind)
Trying to figure out where it is, you went
Thinking whether and to what extent God was involved
It’s been three months, and it feels like you just left
I swear I can still feel you right there.

You were that vicious one on the street
Didn’t accept anyone else’s morals as your own
When you were with me,
Our worlds would never collide.
Felt like a perfect unison of all the good and evil in this world.
And I loved that about you
How you kept my secrets in a safe place
Somewhere nobody has been able to find

I take the exit to Bellflower Boulevard
I see you all over the place
Can you see me driving in the night?
Can you see me driving like I’m coming home to you?

Coming home to you
Can you see me coming home to you?
Wrapped up in my memories of you
Do you wonder where I am, too?

Lost dog
I tell God
Breathe the life into me that you took out of her.
I think I’ve seen and felt it all
I’m ready for you to come home
I’m ready for you to come home
My angel
My angel
My angel
My angel

Come home
Your brown eyes on repeat
Every single day

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Poem: June lullaby

Poem: June lullaby

Your eyes started to sink
Melt into the sky
And I could feel my heart
Contract and deflate
In one single rhythm

I’ve become your divine
Your little trinket, your device
Would you feed on my bare ribs straight
Out of my chest
My blessing to you
I bow down and say
Any piece of me is forever occupied

Maybe that’s all there is to this life
I think that I have finally tasted it all
If you could give me one last breath
I’ll save it for myself

Like a blanket
I’ll cover you
I’ll hide you from vapid, rapid snowstorms
Give you rain boots for muddy water
Comfort you, always
Forget you, never
Let my love be just one of the multitude of things you know about this world

June is the month
Of strawberries
Baby’s first words
Holding you tight

One last breath
To keep for myself
I’ll save it until I most need it, which right now isn’t the right time

When I next see you
Because, I will see you
If Heaven still owes me that grace
In return for the ones sent there that knew me well

I’ll keep you
For myself
Feed on your rib cage
Trace your little steps

June was so cruel to me

By: Elle Silvestrov

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