I wish I could tell you, that it’s killing me All of these unborn strawberries Trying to get sunlight with some vitamin D Wishing I could fall asleep with you holding me
Ambivalence is the trademark of all heartbreak It ignores the sweetness that my coffee tastes like I’m taking care of my own well-being But there are shameful parts of me that you have seen If only we could stand Right outside Sun rays beating down on the asphalt ground Could have flowers in my hands You, laughing quietly Because we get along better than anything
Poem: Kind sentiments(continued)
Everything beautiful in my surroundings Seems so fleeting to me now I watch the little ducks As they awkwardly call out My friend told me to distract myself But that’s not how I operate In my dreams, I see you standing outside your car, at my front gate.
I wish I could tell you, exactly how I feel But you have more pressing matters for which to deal So I write kind notes to myself Tape them onto my bedroom mirror Say these things out loud Choose confidence to fight the fear
Poem: Kind sentiments (continued)
I want To curl up Into A little ball Just like my foster dog Where I am safe And warm And small
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My father taught me how to shoot Oh, he sure did, he taught me real well But I’m a very sensitive girl What would I really do if I was in front of you? I don’t think I’d pull the trigger
Rose petals with lime in my hot coffee Author’s alterations, metasomatism beneath my bedsheets Making changes to my will because I will outlive my instruments & garments I’m the most proper fit, and I laugh to myself Because nobody else thinks it to be true Playing in the garden all night long
If you’re made of arachidonic acid, you’re still not essential to me Accelerated depreciation is like using plastic So casual for you The cavity where I reside is not accepting visitation Though you can leave the fleurs and baguettes at the doorstep Can I be a princess for once, please? Can someone naturally want to take care of me?
Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]
My abdomen is covered in spears I don’t know where they came from He found it addicting, and I chose not to feel bad, because I settled for a freedom that involved both him and me I’m stored in the nacelle, and you’re a half-decent engineer Who works so much he loses sight of The real thing When it’s engaging in self-piercing Damaging increments Fingernails painted dusty pink
I feel a permanent wholesome vacancy A vacant office A vacant smile A vacant estate A vacant room A vacant seat on a bus A vacant throne A disengaged observer Sometimes I wish you would just look at me Stare at me so I would feel like I was really living, here.
Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]
An abandoned factory An abandoned field An abandoned vehicle An abandoned baby I was left to fall into a state of disuse And then I had to pick myself up Here we are, I’m staring at Chicago on the plane’s seat live screen map, and I want to cry, because it’s screaming out at me
“You need to get rid of everything so that I can consume you in full” Nobody can love you so much to the point that you can’t leave This is everything and all that you want To the point where a low-quality live map brings tears to my turning-dark-green eyes Straightforward without reserve, my advocacy for my well-being Openhearted and honest with my eternal sin That I’m falling more and more in love with
I want what’s favorable I accept what makes me want to sink, not just mine, but all of the ships Things highly unpleasant to me are advantageous to the attitude I want to cultivate Impartial to how we couldn’t quite relate
Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]
I’ve got dandelions in my hair The right guy won’t blow my wishes out A commendatory view of my well-calculated decision and unruly spirit
I appreciate it all The astronomical pitfalls Everything is beautiful to me If it wasn’t, I would not have stayed around here
Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]
Sweet and angelic of you, a stranger said Looked at me with the admiration the last few lacked In a Duty Free store
I learned to be safe in my own skin Complimentary to my own skeleton Dandelions in my hair The right guy won’t blow my wishes out
She was always four thoughts ahead of everyone else
I was holding onto you I was holding onto you There was nothing I could do There was nothing I could do But only to know that I’d forever be helplessly in love with you
My best, world’s best, memories Were me with fingertips And the silly little way you walked My starlight, my noble gas My everything and all I could give inside one celestial collapse I find it impossible How one could not look At your precious face for the last time You were right there You would always be mine
Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)
I was holding onto you There was nothing they could do I said keep trying, keep moving I was so not done being with you Every time You looked at me Is laid like concrete in my memory There was nothing they could do And I said, well, keep trying There is no fucking way the love of my life is dying
I cry in the shower Feel like screaming at grocery stores Because you aren’t, in my bed, of course I’m happy It happened So fast
Otherwise I don’t think I would last
And you and I both knew, I couldn’t die before you
Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)
I was holding on With my bare arms Holding you like a baby Comforting you like a blanket There was nothing more they could do They promised and I believe them
You and I both know, I could not have died before you Now, it’s nearing May Dear God, what am I to do
I am like Thumbelina But I don’t quite fit anywhere Two devout Russian Orthodox women are going to a NATO-ruled country to buy the world’s finest, pristine porcelain to throw it at indoor walls
The best poison was made In my father’s grave And I love him for forever hating the country I live in
