April 24, 2021April 24, 2021 distantcaveLeave a comment

Poem: But I love it

It blinds me to think about what he wants
Steers me towards his way because I’m
Drawn
Hopelessly
Irrevocably
To pieces of him I both do and don’t wish I ever saw
Ever knew
They climb up on inside of you

I’m like a deep blue lagoon
Your wants and needs are at the top of my lungs
Pressing down
Brick heavy
Unsteady
You make me think I’ll always fail
Your talk is short and stale
I’m feeling blue

wave, water, surf

But wait
Don’t loosen your grip on me
Even if it’s surrounding my neck, I need you still
Like a little child needs a blanket
I need you still

If we could have our own apartment
To dance in
To yell in
Not at each other because we’re working on it
But at the sun, at the moon
At the corporate offices that block our view of the city lights
Maybe you’ll slow down with me
Take it in deeply
That I get sad at night without you
But when I see you it’s like I’ve again found you

Again, and again, and again, and again
Spin me
Again, and again, and again, and again
Spin me
Again, and again and again, and again
I’ve found you
And I am sad without you
Again

landscape, mountains, fog
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Poem: Paranoid and proud (10,000 times)

April 20, 2021April 20, 2021 distantcaveLeave a comment

Paranoid and proud (10,000)

Enigmatic, or desolate

I knock on your door slowly
Trembling
I don’t want to interrupt your work
You tell me to crawl over to the desk
I said babe, I’ve got a headache
My hair is a mess
I can’t pass your tests

I’m stupid and paranoid
None of your answers make sense
Where were you last Tuesday
Who was that in the car
You reach for another cigar
You’re the most beautiful boy but your personality is tar
You’re mean about my scars

A variation of you and me (but it’s just a fantasy)

The white roses have died
Is it me or my pride
That I always remind you of how my favorite man died
I know I’m a burden, I scream on the inside
Walking on eggshells
Tiny glass fragments
When you threw the vase at the wall because you couldn’t find your glasses
The white roses, they’ve died anyway
Entered a state of decay
Quite like I have, and it’s how I will stay
The light has left me, what do you make of my remains
I’m more revolting every day

Chaos and butterflies
Surprise me with flowers
Plant a tree every time you yawn when I talk about my interests
If this isn’t love or lust then what is this
Why do I sit on your lap every time you come around
How come I put my face to a pillow so that I don’t make a sound
How come you told me that the next time I get lost you hope I won’t ever be found
Like pitch black surround sound

I turn to the other side
I do my best to hide
Is that another exhibition of my pride?

You told me you loved to listen
You lied
Ten thousand times

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Instragram: @Lilacdovee

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Poem: 3 missed calls

April 17, 2021April 16, 2022 distantcaveLeave a comment

I want to fall in love

Would you rather keep all the memories you have up until now?
Or start all over again
I ask you while we’re walking alongside the fog, the mountains
The sea on the other side
Would you want to live this life over?
I pick at a four-leaf clover
Come over for dinner, and let’s go out for dessert
I want to fall in love
But I don’t want it to hurt
I dig through the dirt

The sea on the other side

But I don’t want it to hurt

I feel lost and alone
Statements I never thought I’d share
I’ve shed enough of my personality to the point where I’m rebuilding it
Look at me in this black dress, how’s the fit of it?
I have panic attacks, I can’t manage it
But I do
I do

Sunday evening, watching the news
Holding the baby
You come in, new vinyl in, midtown Blues
Just thinking, I think I found a clue
About what you’re about to do
You feed off opportunity, I’ll catch up to you

pink, rose, flower — Collapsing all of the time

Going 120 miles per hour, I need the sky to go from blue to grey
I can’t stand up straight when things don’t go my way
I fall into the warm bath
Slip under, wet my long hair
Blue and blues and blue again
Turn me into someone I’m not
Tell me it’s my phone number you’ve forgot
My voicemail at the end of your beat on SoundCloud
Think you can bring a tough crowd?
You, and your life — are you proud?
It’s 500 Fahrenheit
Am I shouting too loud?
Too distracted trying to deal, barely making a sound

In a daze- it’s a familiar haze

I slip and fall into the bath
Wash my hair, scrub my porcelain face
Trying not to have a third panic attack
The dial kept going, you said you’d call right back
I’m a masterpiece in God’s eyes
I’m a drug in them guys’ eyes

But when I look at myself
(And I’m screaming and shouting)
And I pull my hair out
(And I’m screaming and shouting)
And the fog rolls in
(And I’m screaming and –

3 missed calls

blue lagoon, pool, swimming

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Poem: You with me is everything in proper place

April 12, 2021April 12, 2021 distantcaveLeave a comment

You with me is everything in proper place

Your parochial validation
Doesn’t intimidate me
I’m a lady of glamour,
Roses on vines,
Harnessing all my glory and putting it together into one piece
You’re the only missing piece
And I stay awake
Writing in my notebook pages
About how I want to go to the beach with you
Laugh with the seagulls, watch them fly
Coca Cola and oranges, that’s how you get by
You’re so funny
Come with me

When the roles are reversed
And you’re the one that’s bruised and burnt
I’ll be right here,
Close enough for you to reach
Let me be the soundbite in your ear
The graphite pencil you sketch your model automobiles with
You are my type
My type of carrying-on soldier, king of the tanks
You’re so far away from me
So far away from me
I take a breath calmly
The fog washes all over me

And you’re the one that’s bruised and burnt
Baby with me, you’ll never, ever be hurt
Just you and me at the cinema
On the dangerous fire escapes
Cigarette smoke, you can inhale the taste
You with me is everything in proper place

The support that I need
The love
The love I need
The love I-

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Poem: Wisconsin blues

April 11, 2021April 11, 2021 distantcaveLeave a comment

I’ll be next to you

Wisconsin blues
I’m sitting right next to you

To be creative, you need to be able to respond to pain.

I read the news as I wait for the train
CTA baby, ask me out I’ll say maybe
I’m in need of something refreshing
Something to soothe me
Coax me out of this identity
Let me relive the past but only the brilliance of it
Please don’t send me back there
Not the facility
I can’t give up my tranquility
That appears only when the atmosphere fades to black
My insecurities are under attack
Hold on babe someone’s on the other line, wait for me, I’ll be right back

Since the dawn of time
I can’t even remember that far ago
I like it in Wisconsin when I look out the window at the mounds of snow
I give you a kiss on the shoulder and you don’t have to say you love me, I just know
You did it again
You made my day
Took the somber right out of me
Molded me like clay
I think I’m going to be okay

I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay
I think I’m going to be okay

On another day