Love poem: Skin to teeth, nineteen times

Love poem: Skin to teeth, nineteen times

Like picked out of a hornet’s nest,
I painted the walls an ivory-white mixed with peach-pink.
You don’t even drive a truck, so why am I so in love
With you
It must be your character
Your calm personality, too
I can’t do my own laundry without thinking of how you told me,
You would move to Chicago if that was where I was meant to be
We planned our future alongside each other
With short attention span like honeybees.

Like picked straight out of a hornet’s nest
You melted and hardened me like the sap on Sycamore trees.
You kept your cards so close
Like a wild Siamese
A cat scratch disease

Love poem: Skin to teeth, nineteen times (continued)

You’re the kind of guy that –
If you hit someone with your car
They’ll say it really wasn’t your fault at all
I’m the kind of girl
That knows to carefully watch the things I may say
Even though it all
Gets skewed anyway

You can see why I thought we’d be perfect.
You can understand why I wanted to work through it
I nicked my finger trying to open
An Amazon package
Got blood stains on my t-shirt and had to change immediately
Obviously, you know what they would have to say
Sometimes I feel jealous that your life is so black-and-white
Because I feel like the clothing one doesn’t want to put away
And I have no right to complain
My life just turned out this way

When we sat on your couch, and you paused the film
To tell me all about work and all the things that you feel,
I think I fell in love with you for the seventeenth time
And I knew I’d be in love with you for the rest of my life.

Love poem: Skin to teeth, nineteen times (continued)

Because if I accidentally looked down, and hit someone with my car
they would probably say that I had planned this all along
I don’t wanna sound like a victim, but am I truly wrong?
If you were to do quite the same
Regardless of which neurotransmitters were on fire in your brain
They’d forgive you before you even had the option to apologize
Exactly how I did so, so, so many times

Because when I think of that one night,
Our entire future flashes right before my eyes
You and me and Chicago, the city of my dreams
Yet God has other plans
He knows what’s right, it seems
And so did I because when came the sinking feeling
I had the strength to come up for air
Am I self-absorbed to say it?
Am I no longer a casualty if I own it?

Now I’m driving on the motorway, passing by your place
I think I would collapse if I were to see your face.
But if you saw mine,
You may not even recognize
I walk a fine line between being everybody and nobody at the same time

Love poem: Skin to teeth, nineteen times (continued)

I still have visions of us going out
I still have thoughts of us dancing together
I still have visions of us going out
I still have daydreams of us dancing in poor weather

If we were next to each other in the car
And if you were to make a mistake,
No uncertainty I’d take the blame immediately
Because it’s ingrained so deeply within me
Written on the inner walls of my veins
I’d take the blame

A martyr for nothing
A martyr for you and me
And now I’m changing course
I’m thinking things through a little bit more definitively

I’m on the motorway passing by your place
and if I were to see your face
I would hopelessly fall in love for the eighteenth time

“Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.”
He died for our sins
So that I can make peace with mine,
For the nineteenth time

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Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons)

Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons)

Nuclear envelopes
A testable hypothesis
Will you still love me if I –
Will you drown me out
Like the noise in a soundproof room
He always said he’d like to go to solitary confinement just to get away
For a honeymoon

Light leaks
Asparagine and leucine
Convoluted sighs and my pink floor-length satin dress
Eating three times on Mondays,
Eating four times, the day after
Consuming enough carbohydrates to be like a plant
A prisoner in your gardener
A wide-awake blooming orchid
Couch that fell from a truck bed onto the motorway
We could just make it ours
Watch the fires and fireflies swarm in the distance
Devouring apricots
A routine for my bedtime

Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]

Letting go of lethargic tendencies
But I don’t have the energy
I’m miserable, with or without you
Have to be the writer of my own memoir, the heroine in my own maladaptive daydreams
That serve me quite well
Like soft serve by the beach
Made from plant-based oat milk & Oreos
I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and
Worry only about my colony
What a dream it’s becoming

Empty head
Empty thoughts
Your Percocet
My writer’s block
I’ve been too, afraid, to put this down on paper
A typewriter with no keys
Hands that swell
Knees that bleed
I know perfectly well
That I’m who you need
Will you be there for me, in the daylight and the evenings?
My handsome prince
Tread carefully
I’m exactly who I aspire to be

Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]

I believe in myself, most of all
Though, the cognitive dissonance gets swept like ashes
At a fireplace
Melting, blurring a reality that you swore was three-dimensional
You vase of a porcelain starlit galaxy
You atmospheric void, claustrophobic from your own apprehension
I’m so in love with every part of you
Especially the pieces you really disdain

I’ll take them in my hands
Like the softest of sand

Poem: Ant colony (birthday balloons) [continued]

I don’t know what to do with all these birthday balloons
The vinyl you bought me, thank you, by the way
You precious thing.
And the things I have to move on from
Tangled in grief-ridden spiderwebs
Merging through lanes with my blinker forever on
I follow all the laws
When the crows are watching, carefully

I’ll let the sea and the sun and the sky devour me, so I can merge with the ants and
Worry only about my colony
What a dream it’s becoming

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Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions)

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions)

Rose petals with lime in my hot coffee
Author’s alterations, metasomatism beneath my bedsheets
Making changes to my will because I will outlive my instruments & garments
I’m the most proper fit, and I laugh to myself
Because nobody else thinks it to be true
Playing in the garden all night long

If you’re made of arachidonic acid, you’re still not essential to me
Accelerated depreciation is like using plastic
So casual for you
The cavity where I reside is not accepting visitation
Though you can leave the fleurs and baguettes at the doorstep
Can I be a princess for once, please?
Can someone naturally want to take care of me?

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

My abdomen is covered in spears
I don’t know where they came from
He found it addicting, and I chose not to feel bad, because I settled for a freedom that involved both him and me
I’m stored in the nacelle, and you’re a half-decent engineer
Who works so much he loses sight of
The real thing
When it’s engaging in self-piercing
Damaging increments
Fingernails painted dusty pink

I feel a permanent wholesome vacancy
A vacant office
A vacant smile
A vacant estate
A vacant room
A vacant seat on a bus
A vacant throne
A disengaged observer
Sometimes I wish you would just look at me
Stare at me so I would feel like I was really living, here.

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

An abandoned factory
An abandoned field
An abandoned vehicle
An abandoned baby
I was left to fall into a state of disuse
And then I had to pick myself up
Here we are, I’m staring at Chicago on the plane’s seat live screen map, and I want to cry, because it’s screaming out at me

“You need to get rid of everything so that I can consume you in full”
Nobody can love you so much to the point that you can’t leave
This is everything and all that you want
To the point where a low-quality live map brings tears to my turning-dark-green eyes
Straightforward without reserve, my advocacy for my well-being
Openhearted and honest with my eternal sin
That I’m falling more and more in love with

I want what’s favorable
I accept what makes me want to sink, not just mine, but all of the ships
Things highly unpleasant to me are advantageous to the attitude I want to cultivate
Impartial to how we couldn’t quite relate

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

I’ve got dandelions in my hair
The right guy won’t blow my wishes out
A commendatory view of my well-calculated decision and unruly spirit

I appreciate it all
The astronomical pitfalls
Everything is beautiful to me
If it wasn’t, I would not have stayed around here

Poem: Four thoughts (Chicago dandelions) [continued]

Sweet and angelic of you, a stranger said
Looked at me with the admiration the last few lacked
In a Duty Free store

I learned to be safe in my own skin
Complimentary to my own skeleton
Dandelions in my hair
The right guy won’t blow my wishes out

She was always four thoughts ahead of everyone else

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Love poem: Acceptable pain, ivory thighs (sparkling)

Love poem: Acceptable pain, ivory thighs (sparkling)

Can I show you what I think about
Daisies and marigolds and merry-go-rounds
When you’re stuck in the inner confines of your mind
I want to be one of the things that makes you unwind

I’ve been missing appointments
Surrounded by a terror I can’t seem to escape from
If there was a human being
Who could look into the pupils of my eyes
Tell me exactly how much incoming light
I’m receiving from the night sky

Love poem: Acceptable pain, ivory thighs (sparkling) [continued]

I feel like a fossil, that has not yet been found
Wound up tight beneath the ground
Screaming my lungs out
As it is expected,
No audible sound

Flowers grow around the outside of my ivory thighs
I don’t dare pick them
Like the fresh cut flowers my mother gets me from the local grocery store
If I could lay beside you
On a bed of grass, I’m not allergic to
Tell you that I’ve been feeling, this way
Would it change
The course of things
I’m in love with diamond rings

Love poem: Acceptable pain, ivory thighs (sparkling) [continued]

Doesn’t take much time to listen
But people are so busy
Everyone’s so lonely and they work so hard to distract themselves from this
But if you and I could sit in your garage
Count all the beautiful spiders
Give them names that we’ve picked out
For kids, we don’t know when or if we’ll have

Somewhere there is a boy that
Doesn’t ask me to take my glasses off
Actually finds them kind of hot
The aspartame in my can of coke will disassemble
Transform into a novel molecule
Inside my microbiome
Travel to my brain
Tell me there is both acceptable and unacceptable pain

Love poem: Acceptable pain, ivory thighs (sparkling) [continued]

I think I am a princess
But I’m not locked in no castle
I live with a beautiful strawberry garden
That the snails keep on stealing
They’re small and they’re fragile
And I’m a home-maker
I want to be the dandelion
You waste your breath on

I’ll let you take it all from me
On the brink of insanity
Because with my own kindness I’m quite pleased

I think I am a princess
For the right guy to look at my pupils
Tell me how much light is coming in from the night sky

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Poem: Methyl vinyl ketone

Poem: Methyl vinyl ketone

Let me suffocate the circles that you run around me

A motorcycle drives by, and I wonder the weight that he carries
I knew truly that you were not in true love with me, but I chose to believe it anyway
Inconveniently
Like a little make-believe game that I didn’t even play as a child
Because it didn’t make sense then
And it doesn’t make sense now,
So why am I the one to make you drown?
Why am I the one that’s alone in the crowd
Unparalleled at the playground swing that’s there for one
When there are three others around

Ravens on my flight deck
The nape of my neck
The archives of my shoulders
My aching back
I thought it was so sweet
I thought it was so sweet.

Poem: Methyl vinyl ketone (continued)

I almost lost my space
My place in the assembly line
Coming back to the neighbourhood that I reside in,
And the flowers were all dried up
And they’re bad for the dogs to eat because they cannot be digested in their stomach.
That proceeds to their smooth intestinal lining
And the rest of an organism that I think I am compatible with
Daisies in my hair
Forever speaking to nothing
Blank stares from the cashier

If I made an impression on you,
That wasn’t my responsibility.
I think I should make impressions on more people, actually
It makes me sad how that’s not the case
I spend all my free time traversing ocean waves
Inhaling the sunshine’s rays
Lavender light and alkaline water
Pastel perfection and beloved highlighters

Poem: Methyl vinyl ketone (continued)

So I stare at marbles all day long
Find my previous favourite songs
In the car driving through a wrathful fire, I am singing along
Drowning and swimming
Drowning and swimming
I thought it was so sweet
Wanted to hear it on repeat

Drawing and mourning
Grieving and growing
My grandmother isn’t going to make it
I was her favourite
Like the softest sweater you’ve ever put on
That you can’t afford
Life is heartbreaking
Lives aren’t worth taking
Patients in comas write love letters to their loved ones
I watch the current fall back onto itself

Poem: Methyl vinyl ketone (continued)

But we were treading water in the abyss and
The fish looked so surreal
Like abstract paintings
The waterfall came rushing
I breathed in so deeply

I inhaled the fumes of the daisies in my hair
You were nowhere to be found
And so I found myself

Comfortable at last

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