Needles in my eyes Twenty-five individual pieces Kiss me before you say goodbye Don’t let me walk home alone
I feel your presence Even when you’re not beside me Though there’s this ivory vacancy Trembling a hole inside of me It could be filled If you would come closer It could be gone If you could spend the night
Poem: Ivory vacancy [continued]
I know that you’re testing me By the way you speak to me I can feel you testing me By the way you act with me
I am invisible to everybody But you I matter nothing to nobody But you I think I like being in this field with Only you Laying down like it’s my last time Just with you
Poem: Ivory vacancy [continued]
Nothing is vacant, But the trees are fragrant, And I’m not even going to tell you the things I think about day in and day out.
I’m a pale girl, A true ivory “vacancy” motel sign
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Vacillating upon soft pink ballroom spheres I’m not the wrecked canister I used to be You could say I’m much better But I’m under the weather Can you swim to me so we make sure I don’t drown.
Watching & welcoming the 405 freeway all around me, The rosy glow in the sky above me, Thinking I’m so lucky Bare bones Clandestine flesh Give me more of what’s left of yourself To keep To hold To have To mold My sacred entity My entitled serpent My king
Poem: Spoiled [Continued]
But I would not dare to risk it all I’m a near-colourless, fifty-nine carat, princess-cut diamond ring Thickened in winter with faux animal fur Frosted like December Christmas trees I found you by the lake The look you gave told me to leave So I found a secret cave underground Where I could make-believe That we would forever create an abundant fervency Quartz flames, flushed stars, total internal reflection Light as good as mine Darkness as keen as the mystery that engulfs you
Poem: Spoiled [Continued]
If the cards were in my favour You would always show up If the cards were in my favour You would show up for me
If the cards were in my favour You would always show up If the cards were in my favour You would show up for me
Poem: Spoiled [Continued]
Spoil me with What’s left of yourself
Don’t hold your breath Like I’m holding my breath Spoil me with What’s left of yourself
I’ll take it I’ll take it To have To hold To mold To keep
Spoiled
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Sometimes I look at, my flowers that have died And I find them more beautiful than when they were alive.
Last year, my family got the most beautiful, dark-green noble fir Christmas tree we ever had In a pop-up parking lot full of his friends I personally found him more appealing before he was decorated Then I cut 6 inches off my hair No more split ends
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
Somebody stole our Christmas ornaments from the car The little cute animals my mother and I laughed about when we saw them in a store forever ago I hope they felt happy in their new home, Wherever they ended up, I just hope they weren’t disposed.
Some people – you start to feel disposable to them, Like the sweetness you carry doesn’t bear any weight, Like it means nothing that whatever stories they tell you, will never be shared with a single soul Not used as small talk to break the ice Never told at “parties” That I imagine I’d be attending with my future lover because other people have families & other people have friends & other people have obligations & events Birthdays to attend & other people might wonder why I’m not there, and I want to be more than polite for I’m awfully curious About that sort of life. I pretend I’m not but, I really am.
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
I didn’t want you for your money or what you promised me I was just so calm when I would laugh with you You introduced me to emojis Now I use them constantly You’re well aware I love cuteness I know you favour my modesty Something got in our way You may not want to admit it was from both sides I never knew you that well Though of course I still cried
Come to my front gate Wait in front of your car I’ll wear the outfit I picked out At the very start
Come to my front gate To see me, now I’ll wear full-on sweats So you have nothing to think about
Love poem: Sweetness in February (continued)
But I know you a little more than I think I do Who knows if I’ll ever find out if that’s true I know you a tiny bit more than you think you do Who knows if you’ll ever understand that it’s true
Sometimes I look at, my flowers that have died And I find them more beautiful than when they were alive.
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I wish I could tell you, that it’s killing me All of these unborn strawberries Trying to get sunlight with some vitamin D Wishing I could fall asleep with you holding me
Ambivalence is the trademark of all heartbreak It ignores the sweetness that my coffee tastes like I’m taking care of my own well-being But there are shameful parts of me that you have seen If only we could stand Right outside Sun rays beating down on the asphalt ground Could have flowers in my hands You, laughing quietly Because we get along better than anything
Poem: Kind sentiments(continued)
Everything beautiful in my surroundings Seems so fleeting to me now I watch the little ducks As they awkwardly call out My friend told me to distract myself But that’s not how I operate In my dreams, I see you standing outside your car, at my front gate.
I wish I could tell you, exactly how I feel But you have more pressing matters for which to deal So I write kind notes to myself Tape them onto my bedroom mirror Say these things out loud Choose confidence to fight the fear
Poem: Kind sentiments (continued)
I want To curl up Into A little ball Just like my foster dog Where I am safe And warm And small
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Do I want love to make me feel better Yeah, maybe that’s true My hands tremble even when I type Do I want to show you how good I look in that sweater Yeah, perhaps that’s true My voice trembles when I speak out loud
I don’t want to hide my sadness, dark caves, or anxiety My hands tremble even when I write I know you don’t want me to be anyone else But could you want me back When this is my form I try more and more every day To stand tall & make my parents proud But I miss the mark Still pour my heart out anyway
Love poem: In this form (trembling) [continued]
Do you want me to be me When this is my form Have a hard feeling you’ll be saying goodbye I’m too aware to not know the reasons why But isn’t it kind of cute that my hands shake Even when I am doing nothing at all
We could pick strawberries When the season arrives Because even though this is my form I look so beautiful when I’m pleasantly surprised Can you think of why I don’t want you to know me by My unwashed dishes and unfolded clothes I just want to make you smile
Love poem: In this form (trembling) [continued]
When this is my form I just want to help you breathe I know how to put others first While also taking care of me I know you don’t see the Christmas lights I’ve kept up to bring myself joy But can you take me in this form And be the most patient boy
I don’t want to say goodbye I think only I know the reason why I won’t say it out loud Because my voice trembles when I speak
Love poem: In this form (trembling) [continued]
Can I say it anyway Can I say it soon Can I say it now Can I say it at noon Can I say it anyway Can I say it at noon Before you decide To do what you wanted to do
I think I’ve said it now Yeah, maybe that’s true I even got my nails painted Picked out my outfit for you
I think I’ve said it now Yeah, maybe that’s true Can I say it again Sometime soon
