If you couldn’t tell If you couldn’t tell If you couldn’t tell
I’m spinning around like I’m in the dryer at a laundromat The ladies and gentlemen walk by They don’t check up on me like that Now I don’t even remember how To get you to react It seems like my silence Is doing enough for the pact
Poem: Noise (continued)
Now how come you can’t tell How come you can’t tell
That one of my favourite artists dropped an album All I really thought about was you Listening to each track on the record Thinking of you punching your fist through the wall That we had just painted And me, jaw on the floor Incredibly amazed at What I had created
Poem: Noise (continued)
If you couldn’t tell Now how come you couldn’t tell
I’d go sit at your desk, like a little doll Spin around in circles in your armchair Feeling faint And small You liked calling me that Made you feel something too I think it should be the other way, But I feel so indebted to you
Poem: Noise (continued)
Now how come I couldn’t tell How come I couldn’t see Everything that we did Had really nothing to do with me Now how come I couldn’t tell How come I couldn’t feel Everything that we did None of it was very real
You know up and down what real love is My god, have you felt and known that before You see it traveling through your own veins Sparkling bright on the kitchen floor
I decided to Write myself a love letter Because who really knows Me any better?
What do I keep hurting myself for Nobody’s looking in the mirror but you I keep on dreaming what life has in store But spin in circles until my knees fade to a distant blue It’s so chaotic living like this Never licking icing off the birthday cake Consumes me like frostbite by the lake The peak of my landscape of moth wings And when I take the time to Unpack my belongings I suddenly realize My god, I’m in love with everything So why do I Keep feeling like this Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one
Love poem: Moth wings (continued)
We could see the winter snow again Buy the coat with the elegant faux fur You don’t even have to make amends Cos even God knows talk of sin is absurd We could see Lake Michigan freeze to death While what’s underneath simply carries on One day I’ll get out of bed Just in time to watch the morning’s sun
You know back and forth what real love is My god, you feel it now, just like you did before Watch it coarse through your own stunning veins Opulence and nervousness on the closet floor
Love poem: Moth wings (continued)
You’re too young to be afraid Too old to hesitate We can swim right in the lake ‘Till your body collapses on the seashore
So I decided to write a love letter to myself Not because men let me down But because the sound waves miss my eardrums I go days without hearing a sound But god, I love the tone of my own voice Think it’s so funny that I picked up a southern accent Next time someone says my name I’ll remember I’ve been heaven-sent
Love poem: Moth wings (continued)
I can swim right in the lake In the city of my dreams ‘Till my pale body collapses on the seashore Flooded with hope like the legs of a millipede I am warm and fragile and cold My hair tends to burn if it’s by the fire But my New Year’s resolution will still be to be ‘comfy cozy’ If I said I was suicidal, I’d have to be a liar
I can swim right in the lake Lick frostbite like it’s ice cream Knowing I’d have to seek urgent care Hold myself real tight, several times during the day Feel the humidity of the shower when I’m bare I’m a mother to my children and myself Lover of trucks, flowers, rose petals, and guns I can stick around for a while
Just because I think it’d be fun.
Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one Like I’m the only one With moth wings
I step outside Of the curtain lining To tell you the truth But you’ve already gone to work
I step outside To my midsummer garden Cos it’s all about myself In my own little world
And in my opinion, it wasn’t meant to be I see it in the palms of my hands See it in the trees But looking at past daydreams I so wanted it to be A universe where things could work out for me (playing the victim?)
Poem: Haunted (continued)
In the grand scheme of things They’re always listening Don’t pay much attention to it cos I spend my days dreaming Future apartments with bay windows New acrylic nail salons Runs with my dog on Lake Shore Drive
You could have just told me Though you did in your own way I made sure to Curl up in a blanket I didn’t cry at first But then the weekend came I was tangled and interwoven into you and me again
You should have just Taken it out on me You should’ve just – You should’ve just – But you stopped yourself. I don’t get how You didn’t take it out on me You should’ve – You should’ve – But you stopped yourself.
Poem: Haunted (continued)
In an arboretum I found truly my favourite flowers Next few hours, you grew so bored, I thought you would fall straight into your hands The thorns from the castle drains would Stop to tell you that This wasn’t exactly Part of her plan. I grew quite timid Wasn’t born to be an alarm clock So I let you sleep the next day while I did my own thing The thing was, it was my birthday And anyone knows that can have meaning So it isn’t worth the frame-worked lawsuit The heavy weight in my mind
You shouldn’t have Taken it out on me I thought we were different people Living new lives, so it seemed. You shouldn’t have chosen To take it out on me I thought we had become new In the grand scheme of things.
Poem: Haunted (continued)
Fortune surrounds you So I’m in a blanket Wishing you well in skyscraper heaven. If you turned around, To retrieve your belongings –
My apartment would be empty, But it would still be haunted.
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My day in the blistering sunshine I wish your hand was latched onto mine Except when you held it too tight, it hurt, and I said nothing because I was engulfed in the ivory, acrylic paint of the walls I wish you could soothe me like you do your male friends
I got, rather presumptive I thought we could make it work because it felt so worth it Like the tides would change & our circumstances wouldn’t get the best of us When I fell into old subservient patterns, That I thought I wouldn’t I said, screw it We could work through it But the tables that turned against me had thorns My blood wasn’t well & I was increasingly worn Down by the extent of which, I wanted it to work A violent but quiet discomposure
Love poem: If you could, just, sing to me (continued)
Down by the bayside I’ll never forget when an acoustic version of a song I loved in middle school (still do) came on You threw your head back and sang so softly I found it mildly alarming how awfully charming And crisply ambient the evening felt right then and there My eyes started to tear, and I wiped them real fast I thought if it could be like this, we’d be golden Nothing to take & everything to give That is the drawback to my diplomacy It doesn’t quite work out for me
Now I’m basking in the feverish sunshine Hearing the lyrics in my mind How true they conform to the set of conditions that unveiled my gentle but muted position I wanted all of it to feel just like that Right then and there, I was far too aware That you are a beautiful human being only when you get what you want
Love poem: If you could, just, sing to me (continued)
But I can’t always play the right song And moments in passing affect my brain far too strong I latch on
If we could have just stayed at that stop light forever We would’ve made it work If you could have sang lullabies to lull me to sleep We still couldn’t have made it work
My father taught me how to shoot Oh, he sure did, he taught me real well But I’m a very sensitive girl What would I really do if I was in front of you? I don’t think I’d pull the trigger
