Love poem: Fine craftsmanship (prayers)

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Love poem: Fine craftsmanship (prayers)

Wild sweet jasmine
To be your
Ruby red grapefruit, in the evenings
I created the end, and I made it into a new beginning
Cowboys on ranches far away
White carnations
Love letters – February through May
The bitter ruins of my golden but soft decay
My work is my turmoil, my kingdom is where I’ve come home to play
Twirl my hair around thorns, like the ocean
Softly sway
Hips in the distance
Grey fossils, treasured finds
A new day, a fresh surprise
My loving green eyes

Tan corduroy jacket
Your bitter resentment
Hollow times with crisp features
A medieval castle for which the chambers held me too tightly
At an uneven slant
A rug on the floor of rather ravishing woodwork
Fine craftsmanship
Estranged notices
French boutiques
Dolls, eerily
Arranged
In singular form
Entranced forever
When you say your prayers, who are you saying them to
Do you believe they can hear you?

John Wayne’s face engraved on a keychain I bought in a tiny town in Texas
The boys were awfully nice
They said the funniest things
I could imagine, I could imagine
Turning suddenly
Away from the shore
Hardly ever get bored
Always waiting for more
Deftones on megaphones
White leather cowboy boots, whatever fashion means to you
It means nothing to me; I’m so at peace in the wild country
I want to be smothered in everything
I want the most handsome boy in the entire world to come marry me

A sticker peeling off a cup, washed one too many times
I saw what you wrote in your letter
I thought you hinted at
Despondency
It was transparent
So fluid I almost didn’t have to read between the margins
You held your gaze low
I knew what you were about
I can ache but I can hardly shout
Not a day goes by where I don’t rearrange my doubts
And I may mean little to you, but that’s something to think about
The violent vehemence of what this rendition says in whispers to you, me
My small town
My spam risk
My desolate, brisk characteristics like islets of weakness and Beethoven
Beaming down the hallway
Fresh-faced, rosy
She’s so pretty, she’s so pretty, she’s so graceful & pretty
Mid-16th century dream queen

Am I reminiscent of anything that bores you to death
Amphitheaters of despair
Hold me
Unfold me
Run wild with me

Be forever unafraid with me

Who do you say your prayers to
Do you really believe they can hear you

Poem: My honeybee (ocean waves)

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Free verse love poem: My honeybee (ocean waves)

Does he read these
Has he noticed
Does it matter?

I’m sitting beside the pool
Facing me
Is a honeybee
Attracted to fruit
And a porcelain girl
Soft around the edges
I allow it to crawl around and wrap itself around my ring finger
I guess we’re married now

Little thing
It doesn’t matter how much sunblock I put on, I can’t block out the sun
It’s
Coming down on me, waterfalls
Like smooth rainfall
Leaving me flush-faced, soft grace
Bitter taste
Don’t remember what it feels like
Can’t be bothered to recall
You once had me enraptured
I almost thought I had been in love
Like diamonds

I’m soft peaches in the summertime
I make fun of you so much for listening to Sublime
It’s such bad music!
Change the channel
The cute expressions you get from your grandfather
You’re oh so mysterious
You can’t be bothered!
I laugh to nobody but myself (in my head)
Washed out riverbed
Covered with vines, rusty garden shed
Honey-crisp apples, I belong to myself
The sweetest
In all of the land
I run right through you
Like falling quicksand
Can’t help it
I kind of like when I tan

It reminds me of the best parts of my dad

The Dnieper river that to me was a beach
I wanted to be pretty
Coated in bleach
Amphetamines
Smother you with nothing because I’m so shallow
I am only found on the surface, along with the waves
I swim against the current for the epinephrine release
The rush I crave
Unsettling
Dissatisfying
Marbles in whirlpools
Sadly,
Patience
Is killing me inside
And I don’t show it because I’m so shallow
I am only found on the surface
With the ocean waves
Find me here

Then wash me away

Poem: Work phone

Love poem: Coughing over the telephone

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Love poem: Coughing over the telephone

I’m happy that I didn’t tell you
(I’m glad that you didn’t catch it)
I picked dandelions for you and I left them by the swing-set
That you walk by on your way home from the market
With non-dairy milk
Of your choosing

You don’t like when others catch you smiling
You don’t like being caught off-guard
You’re like a maze I never stop running through

Some people you can only admire from afar
You can never really get too close
They’ll feel you’re closing in
They’ll be suffocated
Whether you’re carrying ballet-slipper pink love in a cradle or stockpiled, cotton oversized beach towels with their favourite colour (black) printed on both sides
The vehicle isn’t of importance
The weight of your serenity is still too heavy
He’s distant, and he enjoys being distant because he thinks it gives him a better view of the world
He doesn’t know
He just doesn’t see it like I see it
And I don’t see it like he sees it
And we never see each other

I’m swimming in a laundromat, I’m stuck in the washer to my worn Lucky Brand Jeans
There are round lilac pellets that add fragrance to my worn Lucky Brand jeans, but I can’t smell how lovely it is in here because
I’m underwater
And there’s soap in my throat
And I’m calling you on the telephone
And my name comes up, and it looks foreign to you
And you decide not to pick up
And I need you in ways I can never say out loud
Not to you, not to God, not to my mother
Not to anybody at all
And I know if you unlocked the washer to let me out, I’d hit the ground
Hard
Spilling all over the floor
Wretched, ragged
A mess
And I’d be free at last
But forever without you
And my Lucky Brand jeans would find their peril as the homemaker that is my fragile, porcelain body never got to move them to the dryer
Coughing up lint
Missed dentist appointments
Missed phone calls
Missing you, always

I put daisies in a jar and I covered them with enough dirt so that nobody would know they were ever there
Like a corpse in a forgotten film
Like a B-rated whatever gets a B-rating
Like your cats above your vocal booth
Like the numbers you don’t have memorized
Like the girl you never call on the telephone
That only has your contact information saved
And nobody else’s

Coughing up dandelions
Coughing up soap
Coughing up lint
Coughing up fevers
Coughing up memories of you and I sharing a cigarette and laughing
Coughing up dirt
Coughing up the sound of the dial
Coughing up a sweet voicemail message that I didn’t leave because I’m not a sweet girl, nor yours
Not the hazel remnant of someone landing on the moon
The very first time
Ronald Reagan was robbed
Missed telephone calls

I miss you, on repeat

Poem: Sent from heaven

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Poem: Sent from heaven

You’ve got me fucked up
(You’re no one in particular)
I’m collapsing in fever dreams
I’m weighed down by the fabric
You could ask me about life and I’ll tell you it’s tragic
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic


We separate in altercations, bruises as big as a nation
You punch me in my throat just to watch me choke
Lillies in the garden in Houston
I saw your missed calls
I was too busy reading about the physics of waterfalls
If the water could wash my sins away I wouldn’t be any different
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic

I love dual-toned pickup trucks cos I love things that are fucked up
I’d write out my speech but I can tell you have had enough
I don’t like to share my thoughts out loud
I color your hair blonde, you stare in the mirror & frown
You hate yourself most when you’re lost in a crowd
I can’t feel myself breathing
I hope to God death is coming now
Please, God
Please

Fiber glass like serene amphetamines
I knew it’d only get worse when I left my iridescent teens
I’d drive on the highway
Close my eyes
Pray they don’t show me on the news
No one would be surprised
Feeling alone is an understatement but it’s my second nature
And I’ll write your worst character flaws down on crisp white paper
I want to be dressed in my favourite gown
God forbid they find me naked
I used to think one day in my twenties, I’d make it

I’m not lost or confused
I am led to think that in this life it is I who is to choose
I make my decisions best on a porch swing
I told you a thousand times to pack your things
If you find yourself in prison I said you know who to ring
And if I picked up would you be upset
Would you damage my ruins because I left
Spent a lot of time apart, me I spent the time in thought
I had reasons to like myself but shortly after I forgot


My best friend isn’t my friend anymore
These things are transient, nothing I’m of more sure
People leave because they’re make-believe
I hid somewhere deep in your treasure chest
Curled up in your father’s grey sweater that you love the best
I’m a soft dove, here I arranged a little nest
Every question I have, you treat like a test
When I took hint of the absence in your brown eyes
I began to admire the curved shape of my thighs
And I could hardly taste the sour sting of your lies
Validation from you is not something I ever looked for
The smooth r&b in this bar makes me realize that was a mistake
But if anybody ever loves me I will feel that it’s fake
I’m sent from heaven but for this world I’m not quite made


I drive down the highway to Texas in the pitch black night with my eyes closed
I don’t have my headlights on
The roads start to spin and I disengage within
I’d make such a beautiful corpse but would my father ever see?

Was living this life meant to be?
In the middle of nowhere is the only place I can speak

God, I love amphetamines
If I’m found and my eyes are rolled back, you know it was meant to be

Hell means nothing to me.


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Love poem: Work phone (could have)

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Love poem: Work phone

Originally titled: Scattered in assembly, grief like parasites

Let’s see if the other songs make me feel the same
In the summer you would wildly bake
I’m making cookies for you
I’m so wrapped up
I’m losing track of time
The thought of you along with me for the ride sounds mighty sweet
Peaches in the summertime
Salt underneath the white sunlight

You tell me I have a way with words
I don’t talk to you

I been trying to find a band that makes music like yours does
If it’s snowing outside, then I’ll know it
If you’re hopeful about us, I hope you show it
Ambivalent remarks
I have a reason to be mad
But you know I don’t like to get like that
The soft, almost hypnotic but still remaining delicate, haze leaves embers that are more like satin than I could envision, truly
Truly I won’t ever forget about you
Even when I’m in my bedroom and there’s nothing else to do
I draw fine point flowers, the ways you liked
You’d carry your bike up the stairs
You were the perfect height

Underneath that tree that looks like a willow tree, but it’s not
Yeah, I get caught in my fears
And yeah, I haven’t heard your voice in years
I go to the market and buy flowers for none other than myself
I’m so selfish, it seems
I’m not who you want me to be
I’m so much better & I decided against writing you a letter
You probably never get the mail

I was so shy the whole time
But I wasn’t tearing myself apart inside
A healthy alarm
A life on a Midwest farm
In Chicago I always felt sad for the horses carrying the carriages
& I thought about how beautiful marriage is

I’m obsessive over pearl white highlighter for my cheeks
You could have called me from your work phone
If you wanted it that badly, you could have called me from your work phone
I don’t count the numbers when I’m cycling down the street
I have your first song on repeat
I love that you wrote it about me

Go back when, go back when trails were fierce
My blouse, then, on fire, ashes coating my decay
It felt so bad
It felt so bad
You didn’t notice I missed you when I’d find myself next to empty space
You couldn’t have known, just call me on the phone
You could’ve called me from your work phone

I was scared that when the clouds would disappear my imagination would be as the vacant sky
Vast, open land
Ill-fated farmer’s tan
Picking strawberries, with you they were so sweet
I asked if you knew what you were doing to me
Our secret spot by the bar with the brutal death metal concert posters all over the walls
I loved you when I was in hell
Thousands of secrets I never got to tell
Nothing you have is from me to keep
I only sing to you when you’re falling asleep

Coat me in amphetamines
Coat me in amphetamines
One of us knows each other the best
The darkness fades away, I put it to rest
Flourish in the marine ecosystem like I just learned how to swim and I feel like I never ever want to stop
Yeah, I know about mirror neurons
And I know my long blue dress turns you on
I remember all of our songs
I knew what was under the rug all along
I only pretended to misplace your things

You never got ahold of me
You never got ahold of me
Not saying goodbye was awfully bold of me
That’s not what I’m like, but my mind just changed
Summers covered with insurmountable levels of pain
Everything adds up
You won’t catch up
Coat me in amphetamines
You could have called me from your work phone

You could have called











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