Poem: Twirling in my nightgown

Poem: Twirling in my nightgown

Ivory evening gown, parchment paper thick
I had all my notebooks – there, sprawled out
You took the venom out of me
Inhaled it so smoothly
Inhabited your own internal cavity void
I said, hello
I thought that, we were having fun?
You were collecting the ends of my smoked cigarettes
Cos you like the tar
Cos you like that, that’s all you are
Spinning in a web not suited for your own self-depreciating destruction
I was on holiday

Although, I do, admit
I get a little bit obsessed
Stepping out into the rain & noticing all the new cobwebs
You’re so, calculated, in a way that’s so mean
Worst part is you believe in being a human being
Arrogant honey, how do you get it so wrong
Can you see me twirling in my nightgown
I light up the city streets with the way I get down
Uninvited from the palace
My darling, take your coat

Poem: Twirling in my nightgown (continued)

I swim in baby blues; I sing in the shower real loud
Monday morning, skin is pale, I am ready for everything
It tires you to pieces,
Tears you to shreds
The way you’d play your electric guitar &
I noticed it was the exact same sound
Repeating
Unchanging
Have I ever been so bored with regret
I thought you and I would be perfect in a garden shed

But by the time we got there, all the flowers were dead.

Poem: Twirling in my nightgown (continued)

I thought, sweet honey, how are you so in tune with
Things that don’t make sense to anyone else
But so out of touch
With reality,
And a girl who’s made of real flesh
I said, pretty baby, you’re made of pure mercury
I’ve never seen your ribcage
Not the way your back muscles look
Which is fine, too
No photographs to collect in my scrapbook
My stark cold baby, how can you be so obscene

Trying to get in and out of escaping everything.

Poem: Twirling in my nightgown (continued)

I’d put out my cigarettes on your balcony
And you’d save them in a crystal jar
Are they still there, pretty baby
I’d take you back if you had been more nice to me

Asphalt and a flourishing society
My marine ecosystem is too vast for you
Stay where you’re safe
Sweet baby, don’t drown

I both found and left you in the lost & found
Twirling in my nightgown

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Love poem: Forever holds onto me

Love poem: Forever holds onto me

I was holding onto you
I was holding onto you
There was nothing I could do
There was nothing I could do
But only to know that I’d forever be helplessly in love with you

My best, world’s best, memories
Were me with fingertips
And the silly little way you walked
My starlight, my noble gas
My everything and all I could give inside one celestial collapse
I find it impossible
How one could not look
At your precious face for the last time
You were right there
You would always be mine

Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)

I was holding onto you
There was nothing they could do
I said keep trying, keep moving
I was so not done being with you
Every time
You looked at me
Is laid like concrete in my memory
There was nothing they could do
And I said, well, keep trying
There is no fucking way the love of my life is dying

I cry in the shower
Feel like screaming at grocery stores
Because you aren’t, in my bed, of course
I’m happy
It happened
So fast

Otherwise
I don’t think
I would last

And you and I both knew, I couldn’t die before you

Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)

I was holding on
With my bare arms
Holding you like a baby
Comforting you like a blanket
There was nothing more they could do
They promised and I believe them

You and I both know, I could not have died before you
Now, it’s nearing May
Dear God, what am I to do

This time last year,
I still had you.

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Love poem: Ivory white, dark pants

Love poem: Ivory white, dark pants

Soft shoulder of the exit ramp
Sweet cream silk, ivory white velvet dream
Sitting and smoking with you on the fire escape
We look at the horizon
Our eyes like they’ve been set on fire
Keeping quiet to not create commotion on the 18th floor

Move lightly like a ghost
That haunts me the most
Pure daylight, fresh berries, blueberry soy milkshake for two
Freeze me in the frozen section
I will come back alive
To haunt you like in the horror thrillers they do

My voice gets high-pitched
When I talk to you on the telephone
In the evenings

My voice gets high-pitched
Cos I’m excited when you call me on the telephone
In the evenings

Love poem: Ivory white, dark pants (continued)

Sweet cream silk, ivory white velvet dream
Pour raspberry sauce on vegan soy ice cream
I have you, in a soft yellow light
I wouldn’t find hospitable for my academia
Though, your brown eyes, light up like fresh veins
And I take hold of your upright shoulders

On purpose
By habit
A fragrant
Flower
My doorstep
Your dark pants

Love poem: Ivory white, dark pants (continued)

Sweet cream silk sweater for your ivory white velvet dream
We move like feathers, but our names have been etched into stone
First, middle, and last
First, middle, and last
Holding my breath
Writing on your cast

First, middle, and last
The most perfect fire escape
I’d smoke next to you every day

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Poem: Skin-tight clothes (brainwashed)

Poem: Skin-tight clothes (brainwashed)

I saw, I saw that you were beckoning for the sea
(Told me you couldn’t swim, told me you couldn’t swim)
I stood there, pink ribbons in my hair, on an off-white, paint-faded ship
Thinking oh man, oh man
He thinks I’m going to dive in and save him

When I unravel, I am
Terrified
Of turning into you
I spit and scratch the walls so loud
I’m scared the world
Is made of you
I stick my tongue out
At the wrong crowd
Oh my god, I’m so alone
I come bleeding
To the ER
They say, I should just go home

Poem: Skin-tight clothes – brainwashed (continued)

I don’t want this to stop
Me from meeting someone
That would love bringing me flowers
By my bedside when I deeply sleep
I’ll never wake up
To daffodils
If you’re staying up late
Working on your manuscript

I hate your brown eyes
Because that’s my type
I don’t want this to stop
Me from meeting someone
I stick my tongue out
At the wrong crowd
Oh my god, I felt so completely alone
I stared at
My stupid phone
Like a teen
Like a naive little
Teen

Poem: Skin-tight clothes – brainwashed (continued)

I secretly, I secretly think you liked it all along
Pulling me left just to wreck the boat
Spilling my champagne and me nervously blaming it
On the musculature of my skeletal framework
What a girl, what awful weather
To spend with someone who’s complaining, had me thinking, “this is actually my favourite kind”
Lightning bolts
When the sky collapses like it’s angry
And bitter
Writing poetry
Months after
I secretly, I secretly think you adore all of this
You’d throw me to the eels if I didn’t know how to swim

But it was you deep down under the pouring, crashing waves
Tormenting your most refined, well-calculated grace
And I am one of the best swimmers this Earth has ever seen
But there came a moment where I could no longer see
Then, I could breathe, and you couldn’t hate me for it
So in love with the delusional chaos of the ocean
Oh, you hate it, oh, you must hate it
That I have a God that knows my full name

Poem: Skin-tight clothes – brainwashed (continued)

You think religion is a brainwashing force
Well, I think you over-dry your skin-tight clothes
I ran so hard I almost collapsed, and I started to laugh
So free, so free, should have seen me finally feel so free
Not attached to memories
Oh, you must hate it
That I can be my own blanket
That I can be a saviour
That I don’t need a faux promise or a parched favour

I saw you, perched over, frightened of the waves
You said let’s just leave, save this for another day
I pushed you in because I trusted the Earth
To swallow you whole and make you
Comfortable

That was a battle I truly lost
But God loves me, oh, you must have forgot

You must have forgot,
What a terrible thought
That I can be taken care of by something that’ll cleanse my brain

So brainwashed