Poem: Boiling water (January)
I
Feel
Dangerously
Close
To losing all the control I never had to begin with, in a heartbeat
I wanted to
Laugh
Wearing a wedding dress
On my patio with a cup of tea
And all the melancholy from January would have been swept away like last year’s rain
The lack thereof which drenched my city with fire
The ashes smelled
Comforting
To those who were not affected
Poem: Boiling water (January) [continued]
Like a campfire
In the forest
I think I was about seven or nine
When I last went to bed on time
I’ve been trying to take care
Of an anarchist’s body
Melted my hand on crystals of aspartame
I think
We do
Or do not
Belong
Where we think
We currently
Are
And that
Is not
A song
I want
To write.
Poem: Boiling water (January) [continued]
I don’t like ambivalence in others
But certainty to me fits a stepwise fashion
I check my email now, dad, are you proud
I can see the way she looks at me and I hate it
Can’t change it
It’s like I’m decaying
I wanted to make January so beautiful that it would make angels cry
Oh my goodness, I tried
I miss seeing you all alive
I’d laugh at your jokes a million more times
Join you guys in the swimming pool because
Body insecurity
Takes the form of a guilt trip
When you missed out on the life they’re missing out on now
The ashes smelled
Comforting
To those who were not affected
Now I sit by my patio
With an empty cup
Because I never actually managed to heat the water.
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