Poem: Sitting by the fire (happy birthday)

Poem: Sitting by the fire (happy birthday)

You know, we grew up with nothing
I found such obscurities so luxurious
My life was so simple
Eerily simple
Because every wrong turn meant
More chaos
Bewilderment
Not the delicate kind
But fine for my patient mind

Driving a lifted pickup truck has changed who I am
It made me more myself than I ever knew before.
I’ve become real acquainted with different types of screwdrivers.
And I remember when my daddy would hot-wire all the cars on the street
That didn’t stop him from feeling absolutely everything
Cross necklace on my clavicle to remind me of what that means to me

Poem: Sitting by the fire (happy birthday) [continued]

As the sun was setting after I exited the nail salon,
I saw four separate chemtrails moving in cable-thin directions,
Combusting as a whole constellation.
I’m in love with my dark, dark, dark green eyes

Drove down Venice Boulevard, and it reminded me of being thirteen,
When everyone my age made fun of me,
but my father insisted that I was a queen
And that to me held much more meaning

Trying to buy sour patch at the liquor store, but they’d kicked me out cause I didn’t have
Proper identification
Now I find myself in my new life and I’m feeling so
Impatient.
Because this life isn’t going as planned and I have to switch gears
I’ll tell you all about it,
But each passing day I find myself facing new fears.
For you
And myself, too!
Because that’s what I do.

Poem: Sitting by the fire (happy birthday) [continued]

Curled up in a blanket,
Watching television and drinking tea
While upper-class people go on holiday,
I just be where I be.

I’ve got a smile so warm we don’t need a fireplace

& I miss the long summer days
Biking throughout our small town
My dad beside me, laughing, as I swam against the
Current of the waves
Making sure I didn’t drown
I know it in my being that he is still around
Like the lights descending from the helicopter
When I’m taking photographs of downtown

Poem: Sitting by the fire (happy birthday) [continued]

I miss quiet times with tea
Ukrainian pears that are overwhelmingly sweet
And if you get close to me,
You’ll have to bear with me
Because I see beauty in absolutely everything.

Like a rocket ship constructed out of Legos,
I’ll be there if anything were to break
The vibrant sunlight hitting my retinas while I’m driving,
I’ve fully realized this is my life to make.

I don’t take for granted
That people don’t offer second chances
But I’m forgiving like an animal that knows you didn’t mean it

Poem: Sitting by the fire (happy birthday) [continued]

And I mean it

I love
Absolutely
Everything
The fiber of my being
The freedom inherent in walking
Around a small town that was yours and now it’s become

A breeding ground for memories
That I will never let go.

Happy birthday, dad
You were so warm we didn’t need a
Fireplace

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Love poem: Forever holds onto me

Love poem: Forever holds onto me

I was holding onto you
I was holding onto you
There was nothing I could do
There was nothing I could do
But only to know that I’d forever be helplessly in love with you

My best, world’s best, memories
Were me with fingertips
And the silly little way you walked
My starlight, my noble gas
My everything and all I could give inside one celestial collapse
I find it impossible
How one could not look
At your precious face for the last time
You were right there
You would always be mine

Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)

I was holding onto you
There was nothing they could do
I said keep trying, keep moving
I was so not done being with you
Every time
You looked at me
Is laid like concrete in my memory
There was nothing they could do
And I said, well, keep trying
There is no fucking way the love of my life is dying

I cry in the shower
Feel like screaming at grocery stores
Because you aren’t, in my bed, of course
I’m happy
It happened
So fast

Otherwise
I don’t think
I would last

And you and I both knew, I couldn’t die before you

Love poem: Forever holds onto me (continued)

I was holding on
With my bare arms
Holding you like a baby
Comforting you like a blanket
There was nothing more they could do
They promised and I believe them

You and I both know, I could not have died before you
Now, it’s nearing May
Dear God, what am I to do

This time last year,
I still had you.

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