Tag: blue

Poem: Payphone (the curtain falls)

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Poem: Payphone (the curtain falls)

A generation’s ills
A dazzling medieval palace for my deep affection for bridal gowns
With pearly white coffins moving mountains to tell me that
Someone more important has taken my place
With a soft-haven silhouette
She has the loveliest face
For a world where nobody remembers your name

A cave where I kept
A bibliography of sorts
I spent days citing sources to be able to go back
In time
To find
Myself locked in gates I never swallowed whole
The vicinity was clear and
I, so struck by fear,
Lost my train of thought on the train where I forgot
My passport and my engagement ring
The prettiest doll face
The saddest little thing

If death is an escape, why isn’t anybody telling me where those people went
They only let you in to certain places if you know certain people
And I
Found something very dark
About the way, he got away
With crimes in broad daylight
The pigeons wouldn’t wait
I think I’ve passed Hell now
But now I’m insane
And I don’t know
When it’s too late to be too late
I set it on fire
Such a beautiful gate
It poured like peroxide
The same bitter taste

It’s a terrace for evenings that run like wire circuits
It’s so terrifying to look back
I’m young, I’ve got this
I can’t think like that
I have to stay on track
Summer’s passing by in too fleeting of ways for me to react
Every other person seems on the verge of collapse
I cannot find reason
Living in Timelapse
Memory for memory’s sake
Is such a sad fact

‘Within reach’ says my lavender bedroom wall
I believe it most days
Some days I don’t think
I think in this chaos we’ll unwind and then sink
Into the pavement with the solace that comes with
Holding eternity for eternity

I was so close
It passed me by
No lexicon is sufficient to surrender what I’ve hindered
Crawl under the bedsheets for the sheer familiarity
The cotton, like childhood
Is lost by the evening
I can’t focus on anything when I’m thinking about everything
And if you saw vividly through me and felt I was sinking

Would you be forward, address it
Ignore it, regret it
Pay a debt that nobody else is around to pay
I really thought I had it but his look was so
Cold
It startled the aseptic daylights out of me
It felt a lot like tragedy

And if someone more important has taken my place,
Do I want to know his name?
Or which face
To look for when I see thousands looking for someone else

If an entire life could be a regret
How is my small frame to persevere at all
The show has ended
The curtain falls

You stand at the payphone
With no one to call

The show has ended
The curtain falls

paypal.me/LilacDoveCA

Poem: Growing up (I’m a grown-up)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Poem: Growing up (I’m a grown-up)

I wanted to be all grown up
I wanted to be all –

In the summertime, I’m ravished by a thousand medallions
Fragrances of June feathers and soft remembrances
Sparkling streamers commemorating my absence from the Heavens
And credit cards saying they’ll spend all their worth on me
All their worth on me
The flowers are wilting just for me
I see you put up walls to cover your misery
You know brick and mortar can’t overpower me

We knew we’d eventually separate into two
Composite values
For which an absolute is not a resolute conception
And my evening dress is
Too sophisticated to mention
An evening made for redemption
I can tell you’re apprehensive
Always having bad days
In your chosen remote location for being pensive
He said I was filled with love, his daffodils only turning up lust
So much that I’ve gathered has turned to dust
And I’m waiting, praying, I don’t combust
Memory’s spears have had enough

In trying times, we cut the lines that separate your horizon from mine
And we’ll get through this, every little moment
Is a chance for us to know what we didn’t before it
I’m afraid but I don’t show it
I have to pay, but to whom do I really owe it?

Next to paradise canyon and the dooming, glooming waterfalls
I look across a thousand strangers’ faces
Crisp and green, tinted-pink eyeballs
I’m made of riches
And I think this itch is
Giving me a headache like when you lie in your bed awake
And you don’t know how much more laughter you can take
You don’t know where Eden’s best diamonds are made
And whether your loss is a loss, or if it’s fate
I chose not to eat my birthday cake
I almost threw up from the bitter taste
You said honey wait, yeah okay, I’ll wait
A thousand streams in my mind for me to paint
I love making you melt, watching you cascade
When is too late, really too late?

I want you crestfallen in an amber honeypot from Hell
I want to bathe in the remaining residual prime numbers from orthodox haven
I want your miscalculations to sound like compliments
Watering my house plants
Completing my silly little routine tasks

Your lies are a chore and your cradle is where you were born and this city is what we will go on to forever mourn
Several traced pathways to the kingdom we couldn’t seize
Drinking strawberry soy ice cream milkshakes
Like how much more is it gonna take
Like how much more time am I throwing away
How many more birthdays to memorize for the sake of remembering dates
I lost my sanity somewhere where I said goodbye
To all the people that died slow deaths begging for me to stay
I made it to the pink, comforting, but swollen cave
And I thought about my biggest mistakes
Days passed as I made my way through the trenches
To find your favourite New York City bench, which is
The place of sentences interlaced back and forth
In a crochet-knit paradise of conventions
Where you were too handsome for me to mention
Any hesitation or break in my thought patterns

Like whether love was all that really mattered
When I’d stay up late, crystal daisy-filled vineyards I would destroy before you rose with the sun
I could have sworn I was coming closer
But I was the only one
And I am the only one
Calling you from this telephone booth
Telling you I think I’m ready to grow up now

Do you have some time to find me now
To figure me out
To spend days with a girl in a blue satin dress
That took several hours getting dressed
Because inherently she thinks she’s a mess
And romance can bring impending stress
When you don’t feel that you are, the portrait of your complete best

Can I come home now
I’ve been alone now
In this telephone booth with a line forming around the corner
And if I were yours, I’d put everything in order
But twice is too much, and you thrive on disorder

I’m all grown up now
Can I come home?

I wanted to be all grown up
I wanted to be all –

Love poem: Fine craftsmanship (prayers)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Love poem: Fine craftsmanship (prayers)

Wild sweet jasmine
To be your
Ruby red grapefruit, in the evenings
I created the end, and I made it into a new beginning
Cowboys on ranches far away
White carnations
Love letters – February through May
The bitter ruins of my golden but soft decay
My work is my turmoil, my kingdom is where I’ve come home to play
Twirl my hair around thorns, like the ocean
Softly sway
Hips in the distance
Grey fossils, treasured finds
A new day, a fresh surprise
My loving green eyes

Tan corduroy jacket
Your bitter resentment
Hollow times with crisp features
A medieval castle for which the chambers held me too tightly
At an uneven slant
A rug on the floor of rather ravishing woodwork
Fine craftsmanship
Estranged notices
French boutiques
Dolls, eerily
Arranged
In singular form
Entranced forever
When you say your prayers, who are you saying them to
Do you believe they can hear you?

John Wayne’s face engraved on a keychain I bought in a tiny town in Texas
The boys were awfully nice
They said the funniest things
I could imagine, I could imagine
Turning suddenly
Away from the shore
Hardly ever get bored
Always waiting for more
Deftones on megaphones
White leather cowboy boots, whatever fashion means to you
It means nothing to me; I’m so at peace in the wild country
I want to be smothered in everything
I want the most handsome boy in the entire world to come marry me

A sticker peeling off a cup, washed one too many times
I saw what you wrote in your letter
I thought you hinted at
Despondency
It was transparent
So fluid I almost didn’t have to read between the margins
You held your gaze low
I knew what you were about
I can ache but I can hardly shout
Not a day goes by where I don’t rearrange my doubts
And I may mean little to you, but that’s something to think about
The violent vehemence of what this rendition says in whispers to you, me
My small town
My spam risk
My desolate, brisk characteristics like islets of weakness and Beethoven
Beaming down the hallway
Fresh-faced, rosy
She’s so pretty, she’s so pretty, she’s so graceful & pretty
Mid-16th century dream queen

Am I reminiscent of anything that bores you to death
Amphitheaters of despair
Hold me
Unfold me
Run wild with me

Be forever unafraid with me

Who do you say your prayers to
Do you really believe they can hear you

Poem: My honeybee (ocean waves)

distantcaveLeave a comment

Free verse love poem: My honeybee (ocean waves)

Does he read these
Has he noticed
Does it matter?

I’m sitting beside the pool
Facing me
Is a honeybee
Attracted to fruit
And a porcelain girl
Soft around the edges
I allow it to crawl around and wrap itself around my ring finger
I guess we’re married now

Little thing
It doesn’t matter how much sunblock I put on, I can’t block out the sun
It’s
Coming down on me, waterfalls
Like smooth rainfall
Leaving me flush-faced, soft grace
Bitter taste
Don’t remember what it feels like
Can’t be bothered to recall
You once had me enraptured
I almost thought I had been in love
Like diamonds

I’m soft peaches in the summertime
I make fun of you so much for listening to Sublime
It’s such bad music!
Change the channel
The cute expressions you get from your grandfather
You’re oh so mysterious
You can’t be bothered!
I laugh to nobody but myself (in my head)
Washed out riverbed
Covered with vines, rusty garden shed
Honey-crisp apples, I belong to myself
The sweetest
In all of the land
I run right through you
Like falling quicksand
Can’t help it
I kind of like when I tan

It reminds me of the best parts of my dad

The Dnieper river that to me was a beach
I wanted to be pretty
Coated in bleach
Amphetamines
Smother you with nothing because I’m so shallow
I am only found on the surface, along with the waves
I swim against the current for the epinephrine release
The rush I crave
Unsettling
Dissatisfying
Marbles in whirlpools
Sadly,
Patience
Is killing me inside
And I don’t show it because I’m so shallow
I am only found on the surface
With the ocean waves
Find me here

Then wash me away

Poem: Work phone

Poem: Sent from heaven

distantcaveLeave a comment

Poem: Sent from heaven

You’ve got me fucked up
(You’re no one in particular)
I’m collapsing in fever dreams
I’m weighed down by the fabric
You could ask me about life and I’ll tell you it’s tragic
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic


We separate in altercations, bruises as big as a nation
You punch me in my throat just to watch me choke
Lillies in the garden in Houston
I saw your missed calls
I was too busy reading about the physics of waterfalls
If the water could wash my sins away I wouldn’t be any different
I wish I could feel euphoria like he does when he’s manic

I love dual-toned pickup trucks cos I love things that are fucked up
I’d write out my speech but I can tell you have had enough
I don’t like to share my thoughts out loud
I color your hair blonde, you stare in the mirror & frown
You hate yourself most when you’re lost in a crowd
I can’t feel myself breathing
I hope to God death is coming now
Please, God
Please

Fiber glass like serene amphetamines
I knew it’d only get worse when I left my iridescent teens
I’d drive on the highway
Close my eyes
Pray they don’t show me on the news
No one would be surprised
Feeling alone is an understatement but it’s my second nature
And I’ll write your worst character flaws down on crisp white paper
I want to be dressed in my favourite gown
God forbid they find me naked
I used to think one day in my twenties, I’d make it

I’m not lost or confused
I am led to think that in this life it is I who is to choose
I make my decisions best on a porch swing
I told you a thousand times to pack your things
If you find yourself in prison I said you know who to ring
And if I picked up would you be upset
Would you damage my ruins because I left
Spent a lot of time apart, me I spent the time in thought
I had reasons to like myself but shortly after I forgot


My best friend isn’t my friend anymore
These things are transient, nothing I’m of more sure
People leave because they’re make-believe
I hid somewhere deep in your treasure chest
Curled up in your father’s grey sweater that you love the best
I’m a soft dove, here I arranged a little nest
Every question I have, you treat like a test
When I took hint of the absence in your brown eyes
I began to admire the curved shape of my thighs
And I could hardly taste the sour sting of your lies
Validation from you is not something I ever looked for
The smooth r&b in this bar makes me realize that was a mistake
But if anybody ever loves me I will feel that it’s fake
I’m sent from heaven but for this world I’m not quite made


I drive down the highway to Texas in the pitch black night with my eyes closed
I don’t have my headlights on
The roads start to spin and I disengage within
I’d make such a beautiful corpse but would my father ever see?

Was living this life meant to be?
In the middle of nowhere is the only place I can speak

God, I love amphetamines
If I’m found and my eyes are rolled back, you know it was meant to be

Hell means nothing to me.


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